Reviews from

The Family Next Door

A child's lament

39 total reviews 
Comment from lyenochka
Excellent
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That's a very good perspective from a child comparing how differently the table was from his own and the neighbor's. Hopefully, the conversation was more spiritually fulfilling at home. Best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2020


reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
    lyenocka, thank you
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Excellent
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You did a good job with the prompt, Mystery Author. I enjoyed reading your poem although it is poignant. Your rhymes are good as is the smooth flow. Your story told has great details. I like the comparison although it tugs at one's heart. Thanks for sharing and best wishes.
Respectfully, Jan

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2020


reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
    Jan thank you a snapshot from my childhood window.
Comment from Gloria ....
Excellent
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Excellent entry into the childhood contest, author. Your poem is clear and that you have focused on the dinner table is a great idea, because that is one of the primary areas of family life that immediately illustrates the vast differences between poverty, enough to get by, and wealth.

Excellent cadence and rhymes.

Just one small typo:

with a platter, plates, bowls, and real creme, (cream)

Great job with this, and I wish you much luck with the voters.

Gloria




 Comment Written 16-Jun-2020


reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
    Hi Gloria, I used the English version of creme, I will change that
Comment from Amanda Louise Davis
Good
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The only thing that made this not get a five from me was the stanza about the dishes. I think that whole thing sounded off. Strains on dishes and then the flipping thing. The rest of this was awesome.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2020


reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
    Amanda, I must just say that my words describe reality from a child's eyes.
    Our dishes with the cracks and a chip
    or two showing strains from being thrown
    but not shattered (heavy plastic dishes unlike china crack and chip but never shatter...)
    the last time he did flip ( when a child sees a soused father suddenly goes from being calm and reasonable to raging and violent.. that to a child is a flip in this writers world)
Comment from papa55mike
Excellent
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I've always found it amazing how people right beside you can't see the pain next door. What a wonderfully written example of that point.

Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day and God bless.
mike

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2020


reply by the author on 17-Jun-2020
    Mike, thank you very much, you are so correct. We act so close but truly we are so far apart even with the people next door.
Comment from CPL
Excellent
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I can really relate to this childhood piece, and I especially love the last 2 lines and the imagery of your card table. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. So much of your story in such a small space. Well done.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2020


reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
    CPL thank you!
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
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The Family Next Door

Hello my friend

Interesting poem that made me think who were the neighbors next door. Great entry for the
Childhood writing prompt contest.

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2020


reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
    Gypsy, wow, thank you!
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Excellent
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It sounds like your neighbour had plenty and your table was a little sparse and we remember those times as a little envy creeps in and we notice the difference as we are growing up, you painted a poignant picture here, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2020


reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
    Dolly, thank you.
Comment from ameen786
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I enjoyed your wonderful reflections comparing two life-styles with poignant verses and superbly rhymed; you got a winner in this; good luck!

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2020


reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
    ameen, I am grateful for your positive six-star validation. I would not have wanted to change one day!
Comment from RodG
Excellent
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This snap-shot of childhood is surprisingly vivid as the Speaker compares meals at his house with those at his neighbor's. And your use of rhyme is so natural you hardly know it's there. Rod

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2020


reply by the author on 16-Jun-2020
    Rod, thanks much!