Dog Tags
A new military widow.36 total reviews
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
An excellent entry for the Sad Poems writing prompt. Your poem is well-written and heartbreaking. I can't imagine the kind of pain that comes with a knock at the door like that. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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An excellent entry for the Sad Poems writing prompt. Your poem is well-written and heartbreaking. I can't imagine the kind of pain that comes with a knock at the door like that. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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Thanks, Marilyn. I can't imagine a wife, back at home, with a husband at war. Every knock on the door must create great anxiety.
Comment from SimianSavant
This is a compelling and emotional write. The loved ones and families of lost soldiers endure far more than I could ever imagine.
My only suggestion is to get rid of the punctuation at the end of lines in the first two stanzas, as they seem a little distracting.
Thanks for sharing this excellent piece,
SS
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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This is a compelling and emotional write. The loved ones and families of lost soldiers endure far more than I could ever imagine.
My only suggestion is to get rid of the punctuation at the end of lines in the first two stanzas, as they seem a little distracting.
Thanks for sharing this excellent piece,
SS
Comment Written 24-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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Thanks for the review, SS. I'll take a look at that punctuation.
Comment from Begin Again
The people who stand for our country and march off to fight a war that often we don't even understand are putting their lives and the lives of their families on the line for each and every one of us. It is beyond sad and devastating when someone doesn't return home. Very well written.
Hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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The people who stand for our country and march off to fight a war that often we don't even understand are putting their lives and the lives of their families on the line for each and every one of us. It is beyond sad and devastating when someone doesn't return home. Very well written.
Hugs, Carol
Comment Written 24-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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Thanks, Carol. I thank those people every day.
Comment from Patty Mazzurco
This poem does a powerful job of capturing the deep sorrow and the heavy burden of loss that comes with waiting for a loved one who never returns. The imagery of the snowy winter afternoon, the chaplain's visit, and the dog tags evoke a strong emotional response and paint a vivid picture of grief and resignation.
The repetition of "not tonight" throughout the poem effectively emphasizes the lingering pain and the sense of unending mourning. This refrain reinforces the idea that the protagonist's anguish is too deep to be resolved immediately.
The narrative structure and rhyming pattern are consistent, which helps to maintain the emotional rhythm of the poem. However, the poem could benefit from a few tweaks for clarity and flow. For instance, consider adjusting some lines to enhance the readability and emotional impact:
Example:,Your revision reads smoothly and maintains the flow. Here's a slightly refined version for clarity:
On a snowy, cold winter afternoon,
With baby asleep in the cradle's lap,
Her husband's return was expected soon
From a hard fought battle on the map.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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This poem does a powerful job of capturing the deep sorrow and the heavy burden of loss that comes with waiting for a loved one who never returns. The imagery of the snowy winter afternoon, the chaplain's visit, and the dog tags evoke a strong emotional response and paint a vivid picture of grief and resignation.
The repetition of "not tonight" throughout the poem effectively emphasizes the lingering pain and the sense of unending mourning. This refrain reinforces the idea that the protagonist's anguish is too deep to be resolved immediately.
The narrative structure and rhyming pattern are consistent, which helps to maintain the emotional rhythm of the poem. However, the poem could benefit from a few tweaks for clarity and flow. For instance, consider adjusting some lines to enhance the readability and emotional impact:
Example:,Your revision reads smoothly and maintains the flow. Here's a slightly refined version for clarity:
On a snowy, cold winter afternoon,
With baby asleep in the cradle's lap,
Her husband's return was expected soon
From a hard fought battle on the map.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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Thanks for the review, Patty. I will take a look at your suggestion.
Comment from royowen
Yes, may father and brother were in major wat conflicts, both were wounded, but both returned to life as a civilian, both have passed away now, but left this world as heroes, this is supremely written, and I recognise the style, beautifully written, good luck, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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Yes, may father and brother were in major wat conflicts, both were wounded, but both returned to life as a civilian, both have passed away now, but left this world as heroes, this is supremely written, and I recognise the style, beautifully written, good luck, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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Thanks, Roy. I always look forward to your reviews.
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Bless you
Comment from Katiemae1977
This is absolutely stunning poet! Flawless iambic pentameter that reads smoothly and doesn't sound forced.
You really take the reader into your story and make them a part of it.
I like the repeated line "but not tonight"
Take care and best wishes in the contest!
Katiemae1977
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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This is absolutely stunning poet! Flawless iambic pentameter that reads smoothly and doesn't sound forced.
You really take the reader into your story and make them a part of it.
I like the repeated line "but not tonight"
Take care and best wishes in the contest!
Katiemae1977
Comment Written 24-Jul-2024
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2024
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Thanks, Katiemae. You are too kind. You have inspired me to write another poem, "but not tonight".
