Olivia
Daddy taught his little girl well.......49 total reviews
Comment from Queenise
This is a real horror story. So sad and life like. Good imagery and description. Filled with so many emotions and it really touches the heart. Can't imagine living this kind of life. You really did a good job with this story. Blessings. Queenise
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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This is a real horror story. So sad and life like. Good imagery and description. Filled with so many emotions and it really touches the heart. Can't imagine living this kind of life. You really did a good job with this story. Blessings. Queenise
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2010
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Queenise
To this day, my father believes there is a right way, a wrong way, and his way...You better be doing it his way....Fortunately, he wasn't extremely hateful like Olivia's dad and I learned how to walk away. Thank you for your comments. Carol
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You're welcome. Queenise
Comment from Sandollar
This is great. It has everything. Sex, lies, murder, love; it has the whole works. I love your very descriptive passages. I had no trouble visualizing everything.
Thoughts of her Grandma brought a smile to her lips and her blotchy red eyes traveled to the portrait on the wall; a warm, loving woman with blue-grey hair tucked neatly in a bun and sparkling emerald green eyes. She'd refused to remove it from her wall' a fact that highly irritated Daddy. The tension drained from Olivia's body and her ragged breathing eased.
(One of my favorites. I had quite a few, thanks to you)
Your plot was well thought out, and moved in a logical fashion toward the conclusion. Kept the suspense up until the end.
There were a couple of errors. Nothing at all major. I've listed them below.
That couldn't have been easy, Oli. After all, he was you father." ( he was your father.)
the last time her and Clayton had made love. (The last time she and Clayton had made love.) I think it sounds better and I think it's also grammatically correct.
I also love this picture. The woman in the painting looks a little unbalanced to me and quite capable of murder.
Excellent work.
Sandollar
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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This is great. It has everything. Sex, lies, murder, love; it has the whole works. I love your very descriptive passages. I had no trouble visualizing everything.
Thoughts of her Grandma brought a smile to her lips and her blotchy red eyes traveled to the portrait on the wall; a warm, loving woman with blue-grey hair tucked neatly in a bun and sparkling emerald green eyes. She'd refused to remove it from her wall' a fact that highly irritated Daddy. The tension drained from Olivia's body and her ragged breathing eased.
(One of my favorites. I had quite a few, thanks to you)
Your plot was well thought out, and moved in a logical fashion toward the conclusion. Kept the suspense up until the end.
There were a couple of errors. Nothing at all major. I've listed them below.
That couldn't have been easy, Oli. After all, he was you father." ( he was your father.)
the last time her and Clayton had made love. (The last time she and Clayton had made love.) I think it sounds better and I think it's also grammatically correct.
I also love this picture. The woman in the painting looks a little unbalanced to me and quite capable of murder.
Excellent work.
Sandollar
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Sandollar
Awesome...I am so glad that you enjoyed the story. Also, thank you for catching my errors. I really appreciate it. I thought I'd fixed the one but guess EE didn't want me to do it. Hopefully it is fixed now.
It was a fun story to write. Smiles, Carol
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Sandollar
Thank you for your powerful review. I truly appreciated every word. I am glad that you enjoyed the story. Carol
Comment from Teri7
This is a very well written story you have penned. It came to life as I read each word. You used very good descriptive wording and the dialog was great too. Hugs, Teri
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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This is a very well written story you have penned. It came to life as I read each word. You used very good descriptive wording and the dialog was great too. Hugs, Teri
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Teri
Thanks so much for the wonderful review and for reading my little story. Appreciate the time and effort. Smiles, Carol
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I really enjoyed it!
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Teri
How's my friend? Hope the New Year started well for you. These horror/thrillers have been popping out of my head one right after another...I'm glad you enjoyed it. Carol
Comment from IndianaIrish
I'm enjoying your increasingly varied range of writing, Carol. Your suspense story is well written and keeps the reader absorbed. It didn't surprise me about her killing Daddy, but you did surprise me that Grandma was involved.
Karyn :>)
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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I'm enjoying your increasingly varied range of writing, Carol. Your suspense story is well written and keeps the reader absorbed. It didn't surprise me about her killing Daddy, but you did surprise me that Grandma was involved.
Karyn :>)
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Karyn
Hey...I am pleased that you are enjoying these stories..I can't tell you where they are coming from ...They just seem to suddenly pop into my dead.Must be something to do with all these new muses running around...Did you ever find Paddy? Smiles, Carol
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Indy
Have to have a surprise somewhere or it would be boring, right? Thanks for the compliments and the kind words. I appreciate your judgement and abilities and your views when it comes to my stories. Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I somehow knew from the beginning, she'd killed her father and I knew she was pregnant. I am not sure why, but this time the twist really didn't work. It was a good job of writing.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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I somehow knew from the beginning, she'd killed her father and I knew she was pregnant. I am not sure why, but this time the twist really didn't work. It was a good job of writing.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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barbara
You're better than me than...I was initially going to have the boyfriend cheating and she knocked him off..but somehow that story twisted itself and Daddy got the chop. Thanks for the review. Carol
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Barbara
AAAw! That's too bad the suspense was killed for you...The other reviewers have really enjoyed the story. I'll try better next time. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Carol,
I knew I was saving my last 6 for a reason.
Now I know why.
I have to say you have a very powerful and mysterious horror/thriller.
Well, I believe Dad didn't know best.
He met his bitter end.
Talk about a strength and a determined lady. Olivia, proved she was ( her Dad taught her well)
I was surprised with the ending
( a child coming into the world)
Gert
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Hello Carol,
I knew I was saving my last 6 for a reason.
Now I know why.
I have to say you have a very powerful and mysterious horror/thriller.
Well, I believe Dad didn't know best.
He met his bitter end.
Talk about a strength and a determined lady. Olivia, proved she was ( her Dad taught her well)
I was surprised with the ending
( a child coming into the world)
Gert
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Gert
How awesome! Thank you so very much. I am thrilled that you enjoyed the story and also for awarding me your 6 stars. Thank you....Carol
Comment from RebelRose
The lat time her and Clayton ... the last time she and Clayton. Range Rover in one place, then it changed to Land Rover.
Man, this had me on the edge of my seat. A very good mystery with the ability to grab and hold one's attention.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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The lat time her and Clayton ... the last time she and Clayton. Range Rover in one place, then it changed to Land Rover.
Man, this had me on the edge of my seat. A very good mystery with the ability to grab and hold one's attention.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Patty
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Patty
I was typing and suddenly your review disappeared. Thank you for pointing out those suggestions. I'll check it asap. Smiles, CArol
Comment from jayesnb
You scarred me now.. No home cooked meals unless I cook em myself...
I relly liked how you took your time in letting the story unfold..Especially once we new what she had done you still made the reader wait for the actual act of throwing the body off the cliff..
My favorite parts were when she used quotes from her father to strengthen herself..
This was a enjoyable to read as I was able to lose myself in the story for awhile... great job.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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You scarred me now.. No home cooked meals unless I cook em myself...
I relly liked how you took your time in letting the story unfold..Especially once we new what she had done you still made the reader wait for the actual act of throwing the body off the cliff..
My favorite parts were when she used quotes from her father to strengthen herself..
This was a enjoyable to read as I was able to lose myself in the story for awhile... great job.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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jayesnb
Glad you enjoyed this...I too thought her father's thoughts strengthened her resolve to change things...Appreciate the great comments...Carol
Comment from dmjones
Wow Carol a really good read. Suspenseful right to the end. With the baby it really makes it even more understandable.
One thing to check:
Drawing in a deep breathe(breath) of ocean air,
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Wow Carol a really good read. Suspenseful right to the end. With the baby it really makes it even more understandable.
One thing to check:
Drawing in a deep breathe(breath) of ocean air,
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Donna
Not saying what she did was right but he certainly had it coming...Thanks for the great review. Carol
Comment from Belinda
Daddy has indeed raised a strong and determined woman. You prove it clearly, Carol, though I would not have thought that he finally ends like that. Another suspenseful story.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Daddy has indeed raised a strong and determined woman. You prove it clearly, Carol, though I would not have thought that he finally ends like that. Another suspenseful story.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2010
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Belinda
Neither would I...when I started towrite the story I intended for the boyfriend to be caught cheating, but the story had a mind of it's own...Can't trust these new muses..I never know where I am going. smiles, Carol