Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Innocently Indecent"A book of a mixture of stories
62 total reviews
Comment from sugardog
What a cute story! I kept thinking something bad was going to happen, and then it ends so sweet and funny! Great job on this flash fiction story. The flow, characters and dialogue made this story a fast read and entertaining too:) Good luck in the contest! Dana
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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What a cute story! I kept thinking something bad was going to happen, and then it ends so sweet and funny! Great job on this flash fiction story. The flow, characters and dialogue made this story a fast read and entertaining too:) Good luck in the contest! Dana
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Dana
Glad you found enjoyment in this silly story. It's always nice to have a little laugh...smiles, Carol
Comment from Mrs Jones
Oh this is so cute. The ending leaves enormous possiblities. LOL. Loved the story Carol, and well written as always.
Good writing
Cheers
Rose
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Oh this is so cute. The ending leaves enormous possiblities. LOL. Loved the story Carol, and well written as always.
Good writing
Cheers
Rose
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Rose,
Could you see all the guys lining up outside for a showing? Thanks for the great review. Smiles to you, Carol
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No I could see him falling in love with her, and her not needing to sell the house anymore, they get married and have a pigeon pair and ...LOL. See I am romantic and you are thinking of sex! Shame on you.
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Probably because as I age the time gets further and further apart....Smiles,Carol
Comment from mmichelle97219
good one. I loved the way it moved, and you stuck to the theme well. With such a short piece I would have loved to have read more sensory details that would have made both the innocent and indecent parts really pop out. Maybe listen to the tour as it was a bit short.
good luck in the voting booth
Michelle
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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good one. I loved the way it moved, and you stuck to the theme well. With such a short piece I would have loved to have read more sensory details that would have made both the innocent and indecent parts really pop out. Maybe listen to the tour as it was a bit short.
good luck in the voting booth
Michelle
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Michelle
When I got your message at three a.m. I didn't know if the contest ended soon or not so I quickly made a few adjustments. Maybe if I have time. I'll go back in and expand on the story now that I know I have room and time. Thanks so much....
Carol
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I belive you have another ten days. I check the for submissions often so I can catch minor rule infractions that need to be fixed.
michelle
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Thanks!
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
Yes, that scenario could really work!
Don't people just want to come see the house at the most unexpected times.
A lesson for house sellers as well. (LOL)
Don't litter the hallway with your underwear, you never know who may see it.
Juliette
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Yes, that scenario could really work!
Don't people just want to come see the house at the most unexpected times.
A lesson for house sellers as well. (LOL)
Don't litter the hallway with your underwear, you never know who may see it.
Juliette
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Juliette
Glad you enjoyed this little bit of a story. Can you imagine the potential Male buyers lining up for a showing? Thanks again...Carol
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yes, it really would be good to be ...a fly on the wall.
Juliette
Comment from eliz100
This is well-written, as usual. It was enjoyable to read even though I could see what was coming. It would be a good entry into a Was My Face Red Contest.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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This is well-written, as usual. It was enjoyable to read even though I could see what was coming. It would be a good entry into a Was My Face Red Contest.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Eliz
That's for sure...thanks for the kind words and review...Smiles, Carol
Comment from bayoupoet
This is a wonderful and well written story, Carol. It had just the right mix of humor and it is such a pleasure to read for you! Blessings,
sandra
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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This is a wonderful and well written story, Carol. It had just the right mix of humor and it is such a pleasure to read for you! Blessings,
sandra
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Sandra
As always, I am blessed by your kind and generous words. Thank you...Smiles, Carol
Comment from ladybird
Where do you get your ideas? A very entertaining short.Once again you have managed to write a whole piece in under five hundred words that make sense. Well done.I liked it.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Where do you get your ideas? A very entertaining short.Once again you have managed to write a whole piece in under five hundred words that make sense. Well done.I liked it.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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ladybird
So glad you enjoyed this little bit of fun...Can you imagine how many potential MALE buyers would line up for a showing of the house? Smiles, Carol
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A 'packed house'would take on a whole complete new meaning, lol.
Comment from melyuki
Hey now there's a great sales pitch, just supply a naked gal to adorn the bedtop and easy as that... Giving you food for thought eh... great story my big sis. gave me a smile on my ol' dial and still grinning.. lots of fun and short and easy to digest... well done .. hope its a winner... hugs to you sis, luv Melxxxx ( and still got no 6's to offer... grrrrrr )
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Hey now there's a great sales pitch, just supply a naked gal to adorn the bedtop and easy as that... Giving you food for thought eh... great story my big sis. gave me a smile on my ol' dial and still grinning.. lots of fun and short and easy to digest... well done .. hope its a winner... hugs to you sis, luv Melxxxx ( and still got no 6's to offer... grrrrrr )
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Sis
I don't think they will let you give me another for 30 days...It's okay though cause I know your heart is big and you would give me one every day...So I lavish in your virtual ones and all your smiles and hugs...
Can you imagine the line of potential buyers lining up outside her house?
Smiles, Sis
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If I evern need to sell, I will borrow her. hugs mexxxx
Comment from patmedium
Congratulations on a marvellous read. I have sat here, laughing my head off. You can always tell a marvellous tale, Carol! Thankyou SO much, friend, for your cleverness. Pat.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Congratulations on a marvellous read. I have sat here, laughing my head off. You can always tell a marvellous tale, Carol! Thankyou SO much, friend, for your cleverness. Pat.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Pat
Liked this one did you? Can you imagine being totally exhausted to the point that you're just stunned lying naked in front of a stranger....Thanks for the smiles...Carol
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Hey, a couple of long shifts and the effort of holding body and soul together can be quite a knockout blow, dear. Pat.
Comment from Alison Williams
Oh this is marvellous. I love the ending. As soon as the real estate entered the room though, I knew he was going to find her naked. Love the last line! Excellent match to the theme.
Hmm , potential romance? It would be interesting if you continued this, but it also stands well alone.
I didn't spot any SPAGs, though I always hesitate to correct people about commas and such, due to my own sporadic hits and misses. :)
Alison
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Oh this is marvellous. I love the ending. As soon as the real estate entered the room though, I knew he was going to find her naked. Love the last line! Excellent match to the theme.
Hmm , potential romance? It would be interesting if you continued this, but it also stands well alone.
I didn't spot any SPAGs, though I always hesitate to correct people about commas and such, due to my own sporadic hits and misses. :)
Alison
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Alison
Yeah, it was evident what would happen, but I couldn't think of any way to disguise it...oh well, I hope it was fun anyways. Several have mentioned a second chapter...a budding romance or maybe fireworks as payback....Interesting thought, huh?
Thanks again as always...
Smiles, CArol