Short Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Mistaken Identity"A book of a mixture of stories
72 total reviews
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Carol,
This is one of those letters that makes one want to stand up and cheer for the underdog! Seems mistaken identity was good for Mandy. Your gift in writing shines through everything you write. Well done and good luck in the contest....blessings....chey
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
  |
Hi Carol,
This is one of those letters that makes one want to stand up and cheer for the underdog! Seems mistaken identity was good for Mandy. Your gift in writing shines through everything you write. Well done and good luck in the contest....blessings....chey
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
-
Chey,
What a pleasure to be reviewed by you and your most gracious comments. Thank you...Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from sgalletti
Hi Carol! What a tremendously fun piece with so many twists and turns within such a few short words. You captured me in the beginning and I stayed captured until the end. Sue
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
|
Hi Carol! What a tremendously fun piece with so many twists and turns within such a few short words. You captured me in the beginning and I stayed captured until the end. Sue
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
-
Sue,
Thanks for stopping by and enjoying this fun little story. I appreciate the kind words, Carol
Comment from tammipratt
The opening sentence appears to be from Mandy's POV, but realistically, she probably wouldn't refer to her co-worker as "voluptuous": The voluptuous brunette lounged on the corner of Mandy's desk, running a file across her nails.
To also introduce the description of one unnamed character upfrong before Mandy could be better enhanced by "Susan said" at the end of this next sentence. When a character is described and introduced, bring us across her first name soon after.
"Be a sweetheart and finish Jack's last letter for me." (Susan said).
Mandy rolled her eyes. "Excuse me, but you don't look like you're over worked at the moment."
Realistically, the email would have the name of the person from whom it was sent displayed on Jack's email client:
Mandy recognized Susan's pen name. Fear gripped her heart. How could she explain she'd sent the email by mistake? It wouldn't be fair if he fired Susan for something she did. She made a decision.
It was at this point we know that she's going to be asked out by the boss.
I think it's a good write, just watch some of the small nuiscances that will make it better. Cheers,
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
 |
The opening sentence appears to be from Mandy's POV, but realistically, she probably wouldn't refer to her co-worker as "voluptuous": The voluptuous brunette lounged on the corner of Mandy's desk, running a file across her nails.
To also introduce the description of one unnamed character upfrong before Mandy could be better enhanced by "Susan said" at the end of this next sentence. When a character is described and introduced, bring us across her first name soon after.
"Be a sweetheart and finish Jack's last letter for me." (Susan said).
Mandy rolled her eyes. "Excuse me, but you don't look like you're over worked at the moment."
Realistically, the email would have the name of the person from whom it was sent displayed on Jack's email client:
Mandy recognized Susan's pen name. Fear gripped her heart. How could she explain she'd sent the email by mistake? It wouldn't be fair if he fired Susan for something she did. She made a decision.
It was at this point we know that she's going to be asked out by the boss.
I think it's a good write, just watch some of the small nuiscances that will make it better. Cheers,
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
-
tammi
Thanks you for your suggestions and thoughts. Carol
Comment from IndianaIrish
Great job with this prompt, Carol. Little miss hoity-toity will be getting her nose all out of joint trying to figure this one out. Best of luck with this well-written story.
Indy :>)
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
|
Great job with this prompt, Carol. Little miss hoity-toity will be getting her nose all out of joint trying to figure this one out. Best of luck with this well-written story.
Indy :>)
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
-
Indy
Thanks for the wonderful review. I appreciate it very much. Carol
Comment from hotstuff
Wow, that's great and not the reaction Mandy expected I guess? Your story is well written, light hearted and fun to read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
|
Wow, that's great and not the reaction Mandy expected I guess? Your story is well written, light hearted and fun to read. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
-
hotstuff.
Thanks so much for your kind thoughts. Carol
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Begin Again,
I like this, call it poetic justice if you like, it certainly is payback to Miss "The Mail Room Man is more your Class". Excellent. Good luck in the competition.
Patrick
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
|
Hi Begin Again,
I like this, call it poetic justice if you like, it certainly is payback to Miss "The Mail Room Man is more your Class". Excellent. Good luck in the competition.
Patrick
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
-
Patrick,
I agree! Wasn't intended but it was deserved! Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from patwannabe
Carol, mistaken identities can turn out to be either good or bad. I'm not sure about this one. Not too sure I'd be interested in someone who "fell" for me through sex.
I felt the language in your letter was a little too strong, but I know no one else will agree with me. I still like your story, but the strength of the letter turned me off. Didn't affect your rating, tho, because it was well done and deserves a five. I am just expressing my feelings as a friend. Keep up the excellent writing. pat
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
|
Carol, mistaken identities can turn out to be either good or bad. I'm not sure about this one. Not too sure I'd be interested in someone who "fell" for me through sex.
I felt the language in your letter was a little too strong, but I know no one else will agree with me. I still like your story, but the strength of the letter turned me off. Didn't affect your rating, tho, because it was well done and deserves a five. I am just expressing my feelings as a friend. Keep up the excellent writing. pat
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
-
Pat..
It's not actually my normal style either but once in a while I have to step out of the box when I write. I thank you for tolerating the story though...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Pamela Daniell
This was good up until the last sentence. I loved that the boss wanted to take her out, and am curious as to how her coworker will take it. The last sentence seemed out of place and confusing to me as if it had no place in this story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
|
This was good up until the last sentence. I loved that the boss wanted to take her out, and am curious as to how her coworker will take it. The last sentence seemed out of place and confusing to me as if it had no place in this story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
-
danigirl
Susan would naturally be curious what Jack had to talk to Mandy about so to nip her questions in the bud...Mandy said it was a case of mistaken identities...She sent the email but Jack believes she wrote it too!
CArol
Comment from pugdogy
very clever,,,I enjoyed this story with the twist at the end where Many does get her man and the truth is really revealed...good job.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
|
very clever,,,I enjoyed this story with the twist at the end where Many does get her man and the truth is really revealed...good job.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
-
pugdogy
Thanks for the great review. Appreciate it as always. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from fictionwriter
Oh come on, Mandy should take advantage of the mistake. Maybe she could get the guy she wants. Really great little story. Well done.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
|
Oh come on, Mandy should take advantage of the mistake. Maybe she could get the guy she wants. Really great little story. Well done.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2010
-
Joy,
She's going to dinner...Step one! Smiles, Carol