Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Ha, ha. I've always thought hide 'n seek was a bit of a creepy game, and now I shall never play it again. Love your over the top descriptions of the sunset and revelation. That makes for good comic book visuals and I do so enjoy my comics, when they're well done.

Terrific story as always dear Dean.

couple typos

his best friend, had the whole house to themsleves. (themselves)

It sounded like Jimmy, trying to disguse (disguise) his voice.

It ususally (usually) only added to the fun.

Gloria

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015

Oops! Thanks for catching those errors, Gloria. It seems my dyslexia has reared its ugly head once more, LOL.
I'm really glad you enjoyed the story, though, despite those pesky nits. It was inspired by an actual incident I had as a kid. But it wasn't aliens or creepy ghosts doing the scaring. Another friend had joined our game, and I was unaware of it. He should have won an Oscar for that creepy, child-like voice he used. It nearly made me wet my britches!
Thanks again, Gloria. I do appreciate it. :}
~Dean

Comment from krys123

Exceptional

Dean;
-Brilliant and exciting and truly a wonderful piece to read. I enjoyed this writing so much that it reminded me of a few stories I've read in the past. The frightening experience leading up to this eerie tale was magnificent. And the imagery was truly exquisitely expressive and vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout this writing. All little boys can have their match imagination run wild especially in the dark outside.
-Thank you for sharing and posting this Dean and may a good Lord be with you forever.
Alex

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015

Hey, thanks for such a great review, and the sixer, Alex. I really appreciate that.
Yeah, I had a pretty wild imagination as a kid, I'll give you that. In some ways, I'm still a lot like that little kid even today, only I have a lot less hair, heh-heh.
Your review is warmly received, my friend. I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
~Dean :}

Comment from Ginnygray

Excellent

As always the writing develops the plot well with true suspense paragraph to paragraph leading slowly up to a concluding thriller ending with Jimmy having no idea what his friend Frankie was talking about! Frankie then realizes that he almost came into contact with someone or something very sinister! Great story and storyteller! I enjoyed the read!

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Thanks so much, Ginnygray. I appreciate you taking the time to read and comment on the story, and for your thoughtful comments as well. I'm pleased that you liked it. ~Dean :}

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

So who was lurking in the bushes? Probably best not to know. This is a night Frankie will remember for a while, and he probably won't want to play Manhunt for a while.

Well told. Thanks for sharing a bit of creepiness on a Friday night.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015

Thank you for reading a bit of creepiness on a Friday night, Debi. I'm really glad you did.
Geesh, this place looks like a ghost town from Wednesday until Sunday morning anymore.Of course, I'm more of a homebody unless I have a function to attend or an appointment to keep. I do take long walks with my dogs, but then, we're out deep in the woods so that wouldn't really count as "getting out'. But with people getting shot at theaters and all of the other craziness going on, I'd just rather stay home, where it's safe.
Thanks again for reading, Debi. Have a great day today. ~Dean :}

reply by w.j.debi on 25-Jul-2015

I have to agree that sometimes it does seem like everyone waits until Sunday to post or review. Have a great weekend.

reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015

I will, and you do the same. :}

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Dean...

_ 'Dork breath'---? Super
_ Sometimes, depending on who you chose for a friend, one just doesn't need to wonder/worry about an enemy!
_ Another super write for your 'Thriller' book.
_ Take care---hope you're feeling better and NO more hospital visits.

Cheers & Blessings
Keep Smilin'... Jax (*:*)

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015

Ha-hah. That was a common nickname we all used as kids, Jax. All of my buddies were a lot of fun, pranksters (for the most part), and really respectful boys. I think we all miss those "good old days" sometimes, along with those childhood friends. We never seem to have friends that are as close as the ones we had when we were young.
I don't plan on going back to sick shop anytime soon. It's a lot of fun to flirt with the pretty nurses and make them blush, but the food leaves a little to be desired--as in they MAKE you eat three times a day, whether you want to or not.
Much obliged for the review, Jax. I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
~Dean :}

Comment from I am Cat

Excellent

Once again Dean, you come up with your Tiny Tales.. and so now my brain is
spinning... and still, I can't come up with the perfect idea....
all the things I keep coming up with just are too long to explain in so little time...
every time I go to review YOU, i spatter on about ME and writing MY tiny tale. LOL
(I'm so self absorbed) LOL
I guess it's because I just think these are so cool!
And the ones you write just take me back to my teenage years of listening to E.G. Marshall on the radio... trust me, those are some of the best memories I have...
I truly loved this and was moved along with the story... I remember nights like this when you're like... WTF was that? LOL
I loved it... If I had a thousand yellow crosses, I'd put them all out on your lawn... mostly to keep the vampires and werewolves away, but also to adorn you with all the stars you deserve for your writing! Well done, Deano!
I loved it once again...
And I want to be you, for just ONE day! ;)
Cat

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Hah-ha, thanks, Cat, and I loved those old CBS radio Mystery Theater programs hosted by EG Marshall too. In fact, I still listen to them today on line. The best part about the archives is they're completely free. Here's the link, if you're interested:

CBS Mystery Theater

Even as a young lad, I was enamored with all things horror--ghouls, goblins and everything else that goes bump-in-the-night. But my writing was never scary. Science fiction and westerns, mostly, but nothing like the poetry and stories I write today.
I'm really happy you're enjoying the stories in this series, and that they help bring back fond memories for you. Lord knows we could all use a heck of a lot more fond memories.

~Dean :}

reply by I am Cat on 24-Jul-2015

They're still online? really?
So you just google that? or click it? I'll try clicking... I know you're so fancy...;)
thanks Dean... yes, we could use some fond memories! thanks hon!

reply by I am Cat on 24-Jul-2015

OMG! I found them! LOL
ok, i shouldn't be this excited, but I am! LOL
You're my new best friend, Deano! :)

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Heh-heh, you're welcome, Cat.

I listen to them all the time while I'm reviewing. I know it sounds crazy, but it helps me somehow.

I'm glad I could spread a little cheer your way, my friend.

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

Your notes almost upstage your story! This drips with similies:
an idea came over Frankie like divine revelation upon a sinner during a church revival meeting.

swam faster than an Olympian perfecting the breaststroke.

Also creepy setting:The setting sun sent fingers of fiery red and pink hues

Seems Frankie die get that revelation after all.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Yeah, and THEN some, right? LOL...
Thanks for pointing out the metaphors and simile you liked, Shari. I'm really glad that you enjoyed this "tamer" tiny tale.
~Dean :}

reply by Spitfire on 24-Jul-2015

I'm reading King's latest now: Finders, Keepers. I couldn't get into Mr. Mercedes, but this one is keeping my attention.

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Hehehe... I knew you'd put a monster outside. The sensible explanation couldn't be right. :)

All-Star clad feet << Should be this way:
All-Star-clad feet

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Ha-ha, you know me too well, Phyllis, LOL.
That's for pointing out that mistake. I will correct it right away.
~Dean :)

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

The best at it once again. Amazing story that scared the living sh-- out of Frankie. Just like a good horror story should. Any wonder why if you want to learn from the very best all you have to do is read his stories? Very well done. As always! Very well done indeed.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Thank you, Brett, that's very kind of you to say, and I appreciate it. But there are far more talented writers here than I could ever hope to be--talented people whom I aspire to write like. Mastery, Phyllis Stewart, humpwhistle, Smurphgirl, adewpearl, Margaret Snowdon, RG Star, Michael Cahill, Writingfundimension (Bev), Charlie Lucas, Spiritual Echo...and a slew of others. The list goes on and on. Even you yourself have improved your story-telling abilities tremendously since you first arrived, and that's the great thing about FanStory. There are great people here who are willing to help if we are willing to listen.
Thanks so much for your complimentary review, Brett. I'm glad you liked the story, my friend.
~Dean :}

reply by Brett Matthew West on 25-Jul-2015

You are way too modest my friend. If it wasn't for your mentorship, friendship, and encouragement I would never even have tried to write anything else but Country music, which you know I live for. I sincerely mean what I say. As far as I am concerned you are the very best writer in this genre FanStory has and I thank you for all the help you constantly give me. Do keep your stories coming. I learn something new from you with every one of them. I am surprised my little book Doctor Howler's Nightmares, which now has 8 chapters to it, contains 6 that have reached Recognized status, and the other 2 are within 2 reviews of getting there themselves. That amazes me. Lessons learned in writing them have come from you my friend. All the very best to you.

reply by the author on 25-Jul-2015

And to you, Brett. All the best to you.
~Dean. :}

Comment from Michaelk

Excellent

Nice metaphor with the sinner at church revival. This story was creepy. The voice gave me chills.
At first I thought it was Jimmy trying to mess with him.
I'm not sure if I like Frankie peeing himself before we now why, but it doesn't make for a strong ending the other way.
Great and freaky story either way.

 Comment Written 24-Jul-2015

---

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2015

Thank, Mike. I appreciate you reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story.
I did try the ending the other way around. But as you alluded to, it jsut didn't work as well.
Thanks again. Pleasant screams!
~Dea