Special Delivery
Somebody knows . . . somebody always knows.71 total reviews
Comment from Perp Ihebom
This is a very nice story very well told. It is quite a long one, but it holds the reader spell-bound until the very last period. Well done.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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This is a very nice story very well told. It is quite a long one, but it holds the reader spell-bound until the very last period. Well done.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Thanks so very much, Perp...I appreciate that...Bob
Comment from melyuki
Hi Mastery, Oh my goodness! wow what a story and a half this is. where and what goes on in that mind of yours. The story is told with utter perfection to every imaginable detail. the plots thicken, engulfing the reader, with gripping fear, anxiety, excitement, horror and every other possible emotion. glued to the seat, awaiting the next surprising event in this unwinding prize.
Captured wholly by its content, the reader is carried into a world all its own. undescribably wild..... A marvellous writing skill Mastery ,to create this incredible story.
congratulation on it element of sheer emotion. Cheers and enjoy the coming of halloween. The ending of this story, is enough to haunt one for the rest of the year. smiles to you, and have a happy halloween. Mel
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hi Mastery, Oh my goodness! wow what a story and a half this is. where and what goes on in that mind of yours. The story is told with utter perfection to every imaginable detail. the plots thicken, engulfing the reader, with gripping fear, anxiety, excitement, horror and every other possible emotion. glued to the seat, awaiting the next surprising event in this unwinding prize.
Captured wholly by its content, the reader is carried into a world all its own. undescribably wild..... A marvellous writing skill Mastery ,to create this incredible story.
congratulation on it element of sheer emotion. Cheers and enjoy the coming of halloween. The ending of this story, is enough to haunt one for the rest of the year. smiles to you, and have a happy halloween. Mel
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Wow! I mean...Wow! What a terrific review! I wish they'd all find what you find in this story....that appears to be pleasure....LOL...Thanks so much..Bob
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guess that's why we are all so different. Makes the good seem better and the worse seem less important. cheers, and smiles Mel
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Hi, Mel...I wanted to nominate you for reviewer of the month, but now when I go back, I can't figure out how to do it...but I will you deserve it...Bob
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gee thanks Bob, but just the thought is good enough for me. MUch appreciated. and always a pleasure to be honest and truthful. cheers and smiles Mel
Comment from Suzie B
Hi Bob, loved it.
Tony, good Italian name...must have had some really good friends...forget-about-it, variety theroff. Ah nothing like a close knit family...lol.
The sex scenes were very well handled...no pun intended.
And of course mentioning that this was not a one off situation doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy towards the wife. Felt kinda sorry for the boyfriend though ... but if you gonna mess around ultimately the piper will be paid.
This felt like a terrific episode of The Sopranos...it was intense, with the hints provoking attention...yet delicately placed enough not to ruin the ending. The only thing I found Jarring was the title...my personal taste only...it's catchy...clever, but a little too tongue in cheekish for horror...but as I say just me.
I sincerely feel this to be one of the best horror stories I have read in a very long time. You have a gift of transcending genres my friend...not easy to do. You are to be congratulated, horror is a difficult one, and you have done a superb job.
The ending...was perfecto.
Deserving of a six, but as always when I see something this damn good I have none.
Bravo...
hugs
Suzie
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hi Bob, loved it.
Tony, good Italian name...must have had some really good friends...forget-about-it, variety theroff. Ah nothing like a close knit family...lol.
The sex scenes were very well handled...no pun intended.
And of course mentioning that this was not a one off situation doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy towards the wife. Felt kinda sorry for the boyfriend though ... but if you gonna mess around ultimately the piper will be paid.
This felt like a terrific episode of The Sopranos...it was intense, with the hints provoking attention...yet delicately placed enough not to ruin the ending. The only thing I found Jarring was the title...my personal taste only...it's catchy...clever, but a little too tongue in cheekish for horror...but as I say just me.
I sincerely feel this to be one of the best horror stories I have read in a very long time. You have a gift of transcending genres my friend...not easy to do. You are to be congratulated, horror is a difficult one, and you have done a superb job.
The ending...was perfecto.
Deserving of a six, but as always when I see something this damn good I have none.
Bravo...
hugs
Suzie
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hey, Suze...You always give such in depth reviews..I congratulate you on that. Not to mention of course, you are one of the best writers on board..Thanks so very, very much...I took your advice...Title changed..Do you like it better? Bob
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"SPECIAL DELIVERY" yes yes and yes, ahhhh...that is brilliant!
Hugs
Soooz
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Thanks...Suze! :D Bob
Comment from nor84
Upgraded after spag fixed.
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Absolutely great detail, Bob. Love the description of October's gold light, etc.
Some spaggy things to consider.
Extracurricular isn't hyphenated. Terms of endearment like baby and honey aren't usually capitalized, and I can't see a reason to capitalize tarantula except for emphasis, which I didn't think you needed.
With love, no longer an option>>>comma not needed after 'love'
"Damn! I hate her" appears to be thought but the italics didn't take.
Swinging it like a tennis racket, with a good forehand, >>>I suggest cutting 'with a good forehand or moving it. Seemed out of place in the sentence, but could just be me.
Great similes, Bob.
embedded on the walls. To me, embedded means "in". Might want to look at that, but may not be important.
He'd taken the dog back home and doubled back just to see Tony.>>>close repeat of 'back'
I was Laying (laying)down
Several repeats of "Charlie" when Charlie comes around. Some could be easily cut.
Yep, never mess with a Mafioso ...
No need to capitalize pines
Rest in pieces. Great line.
sunup is one word, no hyphen
of trees whipped back and forth, the sky was bursting with trees of lightning>>>to keep from repeating 'trees' in that sentence, I suggest omitting the first reference and just say 'branches whipped...'
Absolutely great! Probable winner.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Upgraded after spag fixed.
========================================================
Absolutely great detail, Bob. Love the description of October's gold light, etc.
Some spaggy things to consider.
Extracurricular isn't hyphenated. Terms of endearment like baby and honey aren't usually capitalized, and I can't see a reason to capitalize tarantula except for emphasis, which I didn't think you needed.
With love, no longer an option>>>comma not needed after 'love'
"Damn! I hate her" appears to be thought but the italics didn't take.
Swinging it like a tennis racket, with a good forehand, >>>I suggest cutting 'with a good forehand or moving it. Seemed out of place in the sentence, but could just be me.
Great similes, Bob.
embedded on the walls. To me, embedded means "in". Might want to look at that, but may not be important.
He'd taken the dog back home and doubled back just to see Tony.>>>close repeat of 'back'
I was Laying (laying)down
Several repeats of "Charlie" when Charlie comes around. Some could be easily cut.
Yep, never mess with a Mafioso ...
No need to capitalize pines
Rest in pieces. Great line.
sunup is one word, no hyphen
of trees whipped back and forth, the sky was bursting with trees of lightning>>>to keep from repeating 'trees' in that sentence, I suggest omitting the first reference and just say 'branches whipped...'
Absolutely great! Probable winner.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hi, Norma...First of all, thanks so very much for all of your comments and help. (As usual) LOL..You are my fave reviewer from that respect...I have made all the changes if you are inclined to up my grade? Thanks again...Bob
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Sure! How does a six suit ya?
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OMG OMG! Thanks so very much, Norma! Wow! From you, I am so honored! Bob
Comment from jadapenn
Gruesome! You write quite the terror story and have me chewing my fingernails to the bone. Gees, this man is monster the way he takes out his wrath. A real psycho, sawing the bodies up and packing them in bags. Bet old charlie followed him all the way and brought those heads back. Or was Charlie just a decoy?
Well written horror. Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Gruesome! You write quite the terror story and have me chewing my fingernails to the bone. Gees, this man is monster the way he takes out his wrath. A real psycho, sawing the bodies up and packing them in bags. Bet old charlie followed him all the way and brought those heads back. Or was Charlie just a decoy?
Well written horror. Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Thanks again, Jada...Glad you liked it...Yeah, never mess with the boys....LOL...Bob
Comment from Ronni
Wow Bob, what a bizarre and grizzly story! Such
a massacre; such rage and rancor; so frighteningly
conveyed, in all its depravity and deception.
This seems a bit of a digression for you for a
story; but wow, you sure know your niche for this
kind of killer-thriller. Great job!
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Wow Bob, what a bizarre and grizzly story! Such
a massacre; such rage and rancor; so frighteningly
conveyed, in all its depravity and deception.
This seems a bit of a digression for you for a
story; but wow, you sure know your niche for this
kind of killer-thriller. Great job!
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Thanks,
Ronni...Well....They wanted a Haloween thriller...I just gave em what I could...LOL...Thanks again....Bob
Comment from rhymer1
Cheaters always get their due . . . or do they? - I was going to read this just so I could take issue with the part before the ellipsis, the rest did not show up on the screen. Now I'll read it anyway since I called it up:<)
I haven't read anything by you for some time and this one does not seem like it came from your 'pen'. Do not much care for the genre (either of them: explicite sex and murder and violence) but you did a credible job with both.
Slainte, rhymer1
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Cheaters always get their due . . . or do they? - I was going to read this just so I could take issue with the part before the ellipsis, the rest did not show up on the screen. Now I'll read it anyway since I called it up:<)
I haven't read anything by you for some time and this one does not seem like it came from your 'pen'. Do not much care for the genre (either of them: explicite sex and murder and violence) but you did a credible job with both.
Slainte, rhymer1
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Yes,rhymer...I know...but the contest called for a thriller...I gave it my best shot1 Sorry...Bob
Comment from Seraphim Delphinium
Quite a spooky write! lol Extremely vivid imagery. Authentically composed dialogue (both external and internal) and very good structure.
A little "left" at the opening scene to the second. Tie it together a bit more? Sorry, I just didn't follow the sequence. Must be me.
The only suggestion I can make as to writing, and I am no expert, but I would minimize the "like a_____" style. It's great in Southern language usage, i.e., "He's as happy like a pig in slop." But that is weak in writing. Avoid "like" altogether.
As a conclusion, I would humbly suggest the following,
"Two bloody heads inside smiled at him."
Hope my comments may be helpful. Great writing!
Seraph~
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Quite a spooky write! lol Extremely vivid imagery. Authentically composed dialogue (both external and internal) and very good structure.
A little "left" at the opening scene to the second. Tie it together a bit more? Sorry, I just didn't follow the sequence. Must be me.
The only suggestion I can make as to writing, and I am no expert, but I would minimize the "like a_____" style. It's great in Southern language usage, i.e., "He's as happy like a pig in slop." But that is weak in writing. Avoid "like" altogether.
As a conclusion, I would humbly suggest the following,
"Two bloody heads inside smiled at him."
Hope my comments may be helpful. Great writing!
Seraph~
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hi, Serph. Thanks so much for your review.."like" is the standard intro for similies whichare not particularly rooted in"southern writing" Good similies are a necessity of writing. By the way, may I ask who you read when you read. Because things like ****** and ______ are frequently used toshow scene switch or time lapse??? I don't follow you there. I'm afraid..(Two bloody heads smiling???? The people were not left smiling but rather battered and butchered with a chainsaw. See I was going fore the realistic here...like (How did the heads end up on his porch?) NOT somebody threw a coupla heads on the porch that smiled (like Haloween tricksters) to scare him with smiles) LOL.. Thanks again...Bob
Comment from Mrs Jones
The title is perfect and so is the writing. I loved your Tony character Bobbie. Murder, sex and humour, the story has it all. My sense of humour must be warped as I did quite a bit of laughing when reading. It is scary though.
Excellent.
Cheers
Rose
xxx
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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The title is perfect and so is the writing. I loved your Tony character Bobbie. Murder, sex and humour, the story has it all. My sense of humour must be warped as I did quite a bit of laughing when reading. It is scary though.
Excellent.
Cheers
Rose
xxx
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Awww. Thanks so much, Rosie...You are the first one who seemed to "get" the humorous inserts, I'm afraid...LOL...Bobbie
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Alvin tells me that too. We must have have the same sense of humour. LOL.
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Alvin is who? LOL...Bob
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AlvinTEthington!! The haiku king. LOL.
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Ah,yes...Good ole Al...And what is this about his sense of humor? did he mention this story? LOL..Bobbie XXX
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No. I find the humour in some of his writes when no one else gets it.
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Yes, an dunles you accept the fact that he is soooooo gay, you won't get half of it either...XXX Bobbie
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Ooops. Talk about things coming home. Well written and a thoroughly nasty character created. The wife bviously a bimbo and the other guy something of an idiot anyway. Good descriptive writing, and good dialogues. Well done.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Ooops. Talk about things coming home. Well written and a thoroughly nasty character created. The wife bviously a bimbo and the other guy something of an idiot anyway. Good descriptive writing, and good dialogues. Well done.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2009
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Hey! Thanks, Pat...I appreciate your taking the time....Bob