Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The Elusive butterfly "A book of Poetry & Writing
53 total reviews
Comment from Jay Squires
I am sorry, Deepwater. I've read your script through three times and I find no reference point to hang your meaning on. It could be a person, an idiology, a country. You use your poetic language well (though it suffers through a lack of punctuation), your images are colorful, though often abstract and illusive. But, without something to go on, I'm afraid the meaning eludes me.
Your mind so complexes, death by hate [Do you mean "complex"?]
hate with no aspiration's [this is plural not possessive: it should be "aspirations", without the apostrophe.]
only to attack this bases of life ["basis" of life, or "THESE bases of life.]
Because of the SPAG, I must deduct a star, but if you make the necessary corrections and let me know, I'll be more than happy to give you a star back.
Jay
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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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I am sorry, Deepwater. I've read your script through three times and I find no reference point to hang your meaning on. It could be a person, an idiology, a country. You use your poetic language well (though it suffers through a lack of punctuation), your images are colorful, though often abstract and illusive. But, without something to go on, I'm afraid the meaning eludes me.
Your mind so complexes, death by hate [Do you mean "complex"?]
hate with no aspiration's [this is plural not possessive: it should be "aspirations", without the apostrophe.]
only to attack this bases of life ["basis" of life, or "THESE bases of life.]
Because of the SPAG, I must deduct a star, but if you make the necessary corrections and let me know, I'll be more than happy to give you a star back.
Jay
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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thank you for this
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added photo
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an interesting read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an interesting read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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thank you c_lucas
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You're welcome, DW. Charlie
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Your wonderful poem is definitely one that causes the reader to reflect and that is a very good thing. It never hurts us to use our brain instead of mindless reviewing. I enjoyed reading your poem.
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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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Your wonderful poem is definitely one that causes the reader to reflect and that is a very good thing. It never hurts us to use our brain instead of mindless reviewing. I enjoyed reading your poem.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2014
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thank you barbars just trying to write