Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "the twilight of history and age,"A book of Poetry & Writing
110 total reviews
Comment from warbler
I enjoyed reading your poem. I appreciate the message. I liked the last line the best," perhaps we may travel together for a time" Well said.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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I enjoyed reading your poem. I appreciate the message. I liked the last line the best," perhaps we may travel together for a time" Well said.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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thank you
Comment from Signaler
hello deepwarters, Your poem, while lyrical in some spots and hastilly carried on in others has some beautiful visions in it, but it is awkwardly written and spaced. Please know, I am no expert, but I hope you will understand, I am a reader and would like to see this piece rewritten. Good Luck!
Keep your angel on your shoulder,
As Always Signaler
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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hello deepwarters, Your poem, while lyrical in some spots and hastilly carried on in others has some beautiful visions in it, but it is awkwardly written and spaced. Please know, I am no expert, but I hope you will understand, I am a reader and would like to see this piece rewritten. Good Luck!
Keep your angel on your shoulder,
As Always Signaler
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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thanks Sig but i like it just the way it is my friend
Comment from penelope
One of my greatest wishes is that the older genereation will be treated with the respect they deserve. They should be high priority when it comes to gracious care. Their wellbeing should be top of the list. In our western world, they are often shoved into nursing homes where their basic care is met but often at the expense of the love aspect. I sense a deep melancholy in your words as you appeal to the next generation. At least that's how I interpreted your well-penned poem. Penelope
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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One of my greatest wishes is that the older genereation will be treated with the respect they deserve. They should be high priority when it comes to gracious care. Their wellbeing should be top of the list. In our western world, they are often shoved into nursing homes where their basic care is met but often at the expense of the love aspect. I sense a deep melancholy in your words as you appeal to the next generation. At least that's how I interpreted your well-penned poem. Penelope
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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thank you pen
Comment from donnadiann
The poem is strongly worded to convey the concerns might have of his future, and also in contrast thoughts of honor and care well deserved and earned. In particular, the U.S. my beloved country, has overspent and we're going to feel that in our pockets if not remedied soon. Correction: we're already feeling the crunch in our money. A nation can't forget its older citizens if it's to prosper. You make a good point in this writing.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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The poem is strongly worded to convey the concerns might have of his future, and also in contrast thoughts of honor and care well deserved and earned. In particular, the U.S. my beloved country, has overspent and we're going to feel that in our pockets if not remedied soon. Correction: we're already feeling the crunch in our money. A nation can't forget its older citizens if it's to prosper. You make a good point in this writing.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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thank you for reading
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You are welcome.
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi deepwater,
A deep question indeed in your verse and pertinent one on this day and age. This scans well and is very thought provoking.
Patrick
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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Hi deepwater,
A deep question indeed in your verse and pertinent one on this day and age. This scans well and is very thought provoking.
Patrick
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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thank you
Comment from Poetizer
Sometimes I have found that I cannot express something within the confines of verse, rhyme, and meter. This is precisely the avenue in which I would take. I absolutely love the way your sentences flirt with, but are not shackled to rhyming. That is most delightful. I try not to critic without also offering a solution, but here I think I've met my limit. The last two lines just don't flow. It's a rough landing and I'm not quite sure how I'd restructure it. I'm confidant, though, that if you are convinced it is necessary, that you'll find those words.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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Sometimes I have found that I cannot express something within the confines of verse, rhyme, and meter. This is precisely the avenue in which I would take. I absolutely love the way your sentences flirt with, but are not shackled to rhyming. That is most delightful. I try not to critic without also offering a solution, but here I think I've met my limit. The last two lines just don't flow. It's a rough landing and I'm not quite sure how I'd restructure it. I'm confidant, though, that if you are convinced it is necessary, that you'll find those words.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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if you need verse rhyme and meter fanstory is not the place for you and i don't change my writing look at my book writing from the heart, like you i don;t critic others work, even if its not to my liking, we write what we think some like some don't but thats ok, just keep writing, i did get to read some of your work
some good some well.... just have fun gw
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fair enough ;)
Comment from bhogg
Welcome back GW - I don't think I've seen you post lately. I like this as its got some great words and images in it. Perhaps at some point we will try and travel together. Regards, Bill
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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Welcome back GW - I don't think I've seen you post lately. I like this as its got some great words and images in it. Perhaps at some point we will try and travel together. Regards, Bill
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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thank you Bill good to be back
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write with imagery needs no edit. I like the description of your story line it catches the attention of the reader and it is enjoyable to read. Mary
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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A good write with imagery needs no edit. I like the description of your story line it catches the attention of the reader and it is enjoyable to read. Mary
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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thank you Mary
Comment from swosugrad09
Excellent write! I love the final line "But determined,we each have our travels through the vistas of life, and, if our paths should perchance meet, well, perhaps we may travel together for a time..."
Life is a journey. Thanks for sharing this piece.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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Excellent write! I love the final line "But determined,we each have our travels through the vistas of life, and, if our paths should perchance meet, well, perhaps we may travel together for a time..."
Life is a journey. Thanks for sharing this piece.
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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thank you
Comment from allborn66
This is a very nice poem. I like the message and the flow. Did you intend to to say "this generation is yours"? it is typed you're = you are.
This is a very thought provoking poem.
Barbara
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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This is a very nice poem. I like the message and the flow. Did you intend to to say "this generation is yours"? it is typed you're = you are.
This is a very thought provoking poem.
Barbara
Comment Written 11-Feb-2011
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2011
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thank you