Writings From the Heart
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "To all unwritten things"A book of Poetry & Writing
141 total reviews
Comment from knowledge
This is good free-verse poetry. You are learning this type of poetic format. I enjoyed reading it. We can only hope that our our words of wisdom will be carried on.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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This is good free-verse poetry. You are learning this type of poetic format. I enjoyed reading it. We can only hope that our our words of wisdom will be carried on.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from FREE-ONE
DEEPWATER-Now that was some DEEPWATER! This poem is so simple and short with volumes behind the words-Who will bear witness? Generational sharing is important. Stories passed down ingredients in the head...makes for better judgement that text books cannot fathom...you got me with this one and I understand very well...good job with great structure and wording...thank you for sharing this gem!
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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DEEPWATER-Now that was some DEEPWATER! This poem is so simple and short with volumes behind the words-Who will bear witness? Generational sharing is important. Stories passed down ingredients in the head...makes for better judgement that text books cannot fathom...you got me with this one and I understand very well...good job with great structure and wording...thank you for sharing this gem!
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 03-May-2010
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thank you Gem
Comment from grassroots08
As a young dad (24 at the time), I remember well the nights of story, and yes, song, to my young son. I was his favorite storyteller and he never wanted me to stop sharing tales I would spin every night before bed time. This poem has a special meaning for this old dad's heart. Then at 47 (Both my wife and I ), we were blessed with a daughter, and the storytelling began all over again. LOL Cheers, Don
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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As a young dad (24 at the time), I remember well the nights of story, and yes, song, to my young son. I was his favorite storyteller and he never wanted me to stop sharing tales I would spin every night before bed time. This poem has a special meaning for this old dad's heart. Then at 47 (Both my wife and I ), we were blessed with a daughter, and the storytelling began all over again. LOL Cheers, Don
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
will this generation pass the secrets of our forefathers foreword
to be carried over to their sons?
[ a wish- a powerful idea]
Your poetry jumps into prose, but stays in rhythm. good one
K
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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will this generation pass the secrets of our forefathers foreword
to be carried over to their sons?
[ a wish- a powerful idea]
Your poetry jumps into prose, but stays in rhythm. good one
K
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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thank you K
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
I know being in the casino industry for 25 years is not a good measuring stick for judging people. I worry about this generation of young people being the leaders of this country for my 3 grandsons. Somewhat scary to say the least.
I do hope they continue with spreading the unwritten words that was passed on to us.
Excellent piece of thought provoking poetry..........jim
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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I know being in the casino industry for 25 years is not a good measuring stick for judging people. I worry about this generation of young people being the leaders of this country for my 3 grandsons. Somewhat scary to say the least.
I do hope they continue with spreading the unwritten words that was passed on to us.
Excellent piece of thought provoking poetry..........jim
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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thanks jim
Comment from honeytree
I have been thinking about this a lot lately. What a huge amount of writing we would have to read.
This could be great, if this could be acheived.
Very interesting words and picture, and a great idea.
Honeytree.
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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I have been thinking about this a lot lately. What a huge amount of writing we would have to read.
This could be great, if this could be acheived.
Very interesting words and picture, and a great idea.
Honeytree.
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from Sally Carter
A neat and interesting little poem, which got me thinking. In some senses there seems to be less reliance on the written word and more on technology for communication. I hope your fears are not founded, and that the wonderful skill we have of communication through a pen will not be lost.
I read twice on the word "foreword". I know that is a word, but I wondered if you meant "forward" as in heading into the future.
Best wishes. Sally
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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A neat and interesting little poem, which got me thinking. In some senses there seems to be less reliance on the written word and more on technology for communication. I hope your fears are not founded, and that the wonderful skill we have of communication through a pen will not be lost.
I read twice on the word "foreword". I know that is a word, but I wondered if you meant "forward" as in heading into the future.
Best wishes. Sally
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from percival86jack
One would only hope so my friend. In this ever changing world of ours, we wonder if it will remembered as a good time, or not. Only the future can tell... cheers, Jack
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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One would only hope so my friend. In this ever changing world of ours, we wonder if it will remembered as a good time, or not. Only the future can tell... cheers, Jack
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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thanks jack
Comment from Kellytr
deepwater, I certainly hope the answer to your question is - yes. The Aboriginal people of Australia have just such an oral history - nothing written or recorded, but passed down through the generations.
It is a bit of a concern though, if the end result will be true or skewed as in a game of Chinese whispers. Very thought-provoking. Kelly
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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deepwater, I certainly hope the answer to your question is - yes. The Aboriginal people of Australia have just such an oral history - nothing written or recorded, but passed down through the generations.
It is a bit of a concern though, if the end result will be true or skewed as in a game of Chinese whispers. Very thought-provoking. Kelly
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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thank you
Comment from rama devi
Hi there---I like this, especially because I live in India and am aware of a great number of things passed down by oral tradition. there are also many things which are passed down without words, as no words describe them
.:)
I think this is good, but could be better in terms of technical style, spag and spacing. Just for the sake of example, i'll show you an alternative way of spacing your lines for maximum dramatic pause effect and readability. At present, i feel your lines are too long and condensed. Giving line breaks and spacing allows for breathing room and the reader can savor the phrasing and reflect between the lines. Also, you might consider trimming off the filler words like "that are' in line one---they do not add meaning and detract from flow. Poetry, unlike prose, does not required full sentence structure. often, less is more.
To all unwritten things
passed by voice
throughout the evolution of time (consider time's evolution)
never to be written in books
or carved on stone
will this generation
pass
secrets of our forefathers
foreword
to be carried over to their sons? (consider trimming off 'to be carried over")
with above suggestions--
one more thing---the TO needs a verb, I feel. I suggest saying "I ASK" and making a second stanza as a pivot.
To all unwritten things
passed by voice
throughout time's evolution
never to be written in books
or carved on stone
I ask
will this generation
pass secrets of our forefathers
foreword
to their sons?
I am just offering ideas for trimming and toning. if you like them, feel free to use or apply the principles in your own unique way.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
 |
Hi there---I like this, especially because I live in India and am aware of a great number of things passed down by oral tradition. there are also many things which are passed down without words, as no words describe them
.:)
I think this is good, but could be better in terms of technical style, spag and spacing. Just for the sake of example, i'll show you an alternative way of spacing your lines for maximum dramatic pause effect and readability. At present, i feel your lines are too long and condensed. Giving line breaks and spacing allows for breathing room and the reader can savor the phrasing and reflect between the lines. Also, you might consider trimming off the filler words like "that are' in line one---they do not add meaning and detract from flow. Poetry, unlike prose, does not required full sentence structure. often, less is more.
To all unwritten things
passed by voice
throughout the evolution of time (consider time's evolution)
never to be written in books
or carved on stone
will this generation
pass
secrets of our forefathers
foreword
to be carried over to their sons? (consider trimming off 'to be carried over")
with above suggestions--
one more thing---the TO needs a verb, I feel. I suggest saying "I ASK" and making a second stanza as a pivot.
To all unwritten things
passed by voice
throughout time's evolution
never to be written in books
or carved on stone
I ask
will this generation
pass secrets of our forefathers
foreword
to their sons?
I am just offering ideas for trimming and toning. if you like them, feel free to use or apply the principles in your own unique way.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 02-May-2010
reply by the author on 02-May-2010
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thanks
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You are welcome. I'd meant to give that four stars, not three. Have amended the rating. Hope you find the comments helpful. I took time because I think your poem is worth the effort.
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thanks Rama