Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Betrayal Chapter 4"In the title.
43 total reviews
Comment from Jessica Borras
I'm falling more and more in love with Tania's character! This paragraph here... "'Well, if you think I'll be bringing my plans with me, you'll be sorely disappointed.' She picked up her coffee and, holding it between her hands, stared over the rim at the message again. 'What are you up to, Mr Grant Blake? And why am I talking to myself?' Tania grinned and shook her head. 'What do I do now?'" ... I can see it in my mind, and even imagine myself doing the same thing. Love it!
Sorry, no constructive criticism this time. I absolutely loved this chapter!
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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I'm falling more and more in love with Tania's character! This paragraph here... "'Well, if you think I'll be bringing my plans with me, you'll be sorely disappointed.' She picked up her coffee and, holding it between her hands, stared over the rim at the message again. 'What are you up to, Mr Grant Blake? And why am I talking to myself?' Tania grinned and shook her head. 'What do I do now?'" ... I can see it in my mind, and even imagine myself doing the same thing. Love it!
Sorry, no constructive criticism this time. I absolutely loved this chapter!
Comment Written 05-May-2021
reply by the author on 05-May-2021
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Aw, thank you so much for putting a six on this one, I'm so very pleased you enjoyed this part. You really are building my confidence. Thank you, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Begin Again
The battle begins - more power to our young lady! At least she has backup if required. I think this could be a formidable meeting of the minds. So off to the meeting to see where we stand ... if they don't kill each other first.
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2021
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The battle begins - more power to our young lady! At least she has backup if required. I think this could be a formidable meeting of the minds. So off to the meeting to see where we stand ... if they don't kill each other first.
Comment Written 12-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 12-Mar-2021
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LOL, now you getting the idea. Thank you again. More hugs, :)) Sandra
Comment from dmt1967
This is another well written chapter and, as I said before, the start has a Mills and Boon theme to it. I like the way you build up a scene. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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This is another well written chapter and, as I said before, the start has a Mills and Boon theme to it. I like the way you build up a scene. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2021
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Thank you again, Rebecca. That is what I wanted, the Mills and Boon theme, but I'm wondering if I've strayed a little off course with my latest chapter. What do you think? They are the last chance I have of getting a book published for money. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from DSchlosser
Grant seems to know that Colin's a pretty shady guy. It must be rough to have to deal with a screw up in the family and have to put up a good image constantly to deal with any problems he may create.
No errors that i saw in this chapter!
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Grant seems to know that Colin's a pretty shady guy. It must be rough to have to deal with a screw up in the family and have to put up a good image constantly to deal with any problems he may create.
No errors that i saw in this chapter!
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Thank you, again, David. Yes, Colin isn't a nice fellow at all. As you will find out. There is a lot more to these characters than is shown at the moment. Another hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from MissMerri
I know I should wait until tomorrow to review this so I can give it the six stars it deserves, and of which I have no more. But I find so little time lately that I can be on FanStory and too many times I read things and then don't get back to do the review, so here it is tonight:
This is just another wonderfully entertaining and well-written chapter in what is going to be a fabulous book. I was only slightly bothered by one word, and that was seemingly pretty insignificant among the many flawless paragraphs I just read. In this paragraph, the word 'was' before curled, seems off to me. I wanted it to say "and curled up on the sofa." I can't even explain why, but it has something to do with tense, I think.
"Half an hour later, after drinking her first coffee of the day, Tania put her refilled cup on the coffee table and was curled up on the sofa with her laptop open on her knees. She scrolled through her messages; there were over sixty, most of no interest. But one did catch her attention. She held onto her laptop as she swung her legs off the sofa and sat up straight."
Anyway, just look at it and see what you think. I trust your instincts completely. You are a first-class writer. I wish you much good luck with this wonderful story. MM
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
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I know I should wait until tomorrow to review this so I can give it the six stars it deserves, and of which I have no more. But I find so little time lately that I can be on FanStory and too many times I read things and then don't get back to do the review, so here it is tonight:
This is just another wonderfully entertaining and well-written chapter in what is going to be a fabulous book. I was only slightly bothered by one word, and that was seemingly pretty insignificant among the many flawless paragraphs I just read. In this paragraph, the word 'was' before curled, seems off to me. I wanted it to say "and curled up on the sofa." I can't even explain why, but it has something to do with tense, I think.
"Half an hour later, after drinking her first coffee of the day, Tania put her refilled cup on the coffee table and was curled up on the sofa with her laptop open on her knees. She scrolled through her messages; there were over sixty, most of no interest. But one did catch her attention. She held onto her laptop as she swung her legs off the sofa and sat up straight."
Anyway, just look at it and see what you think. I trust your instincts completely. You are a first-class writer. I wish you much good luck with this wonderful story. MM
Comment Written 07-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
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Dear MissMerri, thank you so very much for this lovely review. I took a look at that sentence and could see where you were coming from. I've deleted the word, 'was' and it now reads a lot smoother.
You take such care with your reviews, I wouldn't mind getting a 1 star just have them. The stars are lovely, but a good detailed review is far more important. I can't thank you enough. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
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Sandra... thank you, but you will never get a one-star review. Unless it is an accident, which happens more than we like. ;p MM
Comment from JudyE
So I wonder if the half-brother and the ex are one and the same. It's looking a bit that way.
A few small points:
Sleep had forsaken her, there was no point in lying there thinking. - period needed after 'her'
The message was short and to the point, he wanted to talk to her. - period needed after 'point'
She picked up her coffee and held it between her two hands, and stared over the rim at the message again. - I might have rearranged this slightly. Perhaps 'She picked up her coffee and, holding it between her hands, stared over the rim at the message again.' Whatever you decide, I'd delete 'two'
I have to agree with you, something fishy is going on here. - period after 'you'
Best wishes
Judy
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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So I wonder if the half-brother and the ex are one and the same. It's looking a bit that way.
A few small points:
Sleep had forsaken her, there was no point in lying there thinking. - period needed after 'her'
The message was short and to the point, he wanted to talk to her. - period needed after 'point'
She picked up her coffee and held it between her two hands, and stared over the rim at the message again. - I might have rearranged this slightly. Perhaps 'She picked up her coffee and, holding it between her hands, stared over the rim at the message again.' Whatever you decide, I'd delete 'two'
I have to agree with you, something fishy is going on here. - period after 'you'
Best wishes
Judy
Comment Written 26-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2020
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I'm glad I got up at 6am this morning, I've got all my edits done. :)) Thank you so much, Judy. You've been a massive help and I really have appreciated all the work and time you put into my book. You're amazing. Thank you! Warm hugs, love Sandra xx
Comment from RGstar
A nice social read Sandra.
Down to earth, it is starting to build. I wanted to feel the aura and direction, without going into grammar, and it built nicely as I went along. Despite not reading any of the first chapters it is important when reading for the first time to draw the reader in...you did that.
By looking at the cover (your image) I was able to get the feel of target, and the genre in which it would play out, so was able to settle quite quickly...sign of a good worked chapter.
I will look in again.
Well done.
My best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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A nice social read Sandra.
Down to earth, it is starting to build. I wanted to feel the aura and direction, without going into grammar, and it built nicely as I went along. Despite not reading any of the first chapters it is important when reading for the first time to draw the reader in...you did that.
By looking at the cover (your image) I was able to get the feel of target, and the genre in which it would play out, so was able to settle quite quickly...sign of a good worked chapter.
I will look in again.
Well done.
My best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 21-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 22-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much, RG, for this encouraging review. What you've said put a big smile on my face. I'm so pleased you enjoyed it. The grammar is something that is ongoing, but once the book is finished, it will have a professional edit. I'm glad it didn't stand out too much. Thanks again, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra
Comment from Y. M. Roger
IGNORE THE FLUTTERING, Tania!! Ugh. So, Grant just can't get past her outburst, eh? Well, at least there's a bit of humanity under his over-bearing ego... ;) ;) Another great chapter, Lady Sandra -- we'll see how 'lunch' goes... ;) Yvette
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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IGNORE THE FLUTTERING, Tania!! Ugh. So, Grant just can't get past her outburst, eh? Well, at least there's a bit of humanity under his over-bearing ego... ;) ;) Another great chapter, Lady Sandra -- we'll see how 'lunch' goes... ;) Yvette
Comment Written 21-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much for this really excellent review, Yvette, you had me laughing from the first line! I'm delighted you enjoyed this part, my friend, thank you! Warm hugs! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Sanku
You always end your chapter strategically at a point where readers would be keen to read further .She has a good friend in Monica.I love this story and am looking forward to the next.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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You always end your chapter strategically at a point where readers would be keen to read further .She has a good friend in Monica.I love this story and am looking forward to the next.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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I've been told off about that already by another reviewer, lol. I'm so sorry, (not really, now you'll have to come back again!!) Thank you so much for this lovely review, Sanku, I appreciate all your comments, and your support. Warm hugs, love Sandra xxx
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"tolld off'? No .it is a good strategy and as a reader I can tell you that this helps to remember the plot too.Especially if you are following more than one story.
Comment from alexisleech
Another super chapter, Sandra, and one that has me anxiously waiting for the next. These two obviously fancy each other, but I get the feeling the journey is going to be a rocky one! I'm still intrigued regarding the plan swindle, and look forward to seeing how you unravel the mystery behind it.
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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Another super chapter, Sandra, and one that has me anxiously waiting for the next. These two obviously fancy each other, but I get the feeling the journey is going to be a rocky one! I'm still intrigued regarding the plan swindle, and look forward to seeing how you unravel the mystery behind it.
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 21-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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Thank you so much, Alexis, for the lovely shiny six stars. And a big hug for another of your lovely reviews. I'm delighted you are enjoying the story. Rocky, is an understatement! Lol. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
