Tonight's One-Third
Please, D Thomas, Let Me Go Gentle into That Good Night15 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
This post is so familiar to me.
It's almost normal for me to wake up in the middle of the night and play Hasbro's "Barrel of Monkeys"... one thought hanging on to another to another to another, and so on. Thoughts come so fast. And it's next to impossible to turn off your brain.
What my wife and I do now, in these retirement years, is turn the TV on and watch... whatever... Big Bang Theory, Everybody Loves Raymond, Mom, Frasier... anything we don't have to think about. We lose maybe an hour of sleep, but at least when we turn off the TV, we usually can fall asleep within 5 minutes.
I'm a worry wart, like you. A hole in the foundation? Been there, done that. Rain leaking through the wall? Been there, done that. Worrying about the roof... the shingles blowing off in a wind storm. It never ends. But at least I don't have to worry about the cottage anymore. I still hope a pine tree won't blow over on top of it, but the new owners can fret about that now. We sold the place last September.
Anyway, Jay, you did a great job of relating your sleepless "wee" hours. Been there. Done that.
When I was still working at Moosehead, 6am comes quickly. Sometimes it's hardly worthwhile trying to go back to sleep!
My favorite parts,
"Rolling to my back, I stare at the ceiling for better than an hour. Listening to the rain sweep across my roof. Swath after swath."
and,
"I hope the plug holds through the night. There's no reason it should. It was dumb, shoving finger-load after finger-load of putty up through the hole. Dumb, but what else could I do?"
and,
"What if one of us had been on the toilet when it came crashing through like a meteor? Or is it a meteorite?"
By the way, what's a "Fitbit"???
Anyway, Good Luck in the contest!
Have you ever tried Melatonin? Sometimes it will work to keep you asleep. Warm milk, too. My wife's favorite way out of insomnia.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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Hi Jay,
This post is so familiar to me.
It's almost normal for me to wake up in the middle of the night and play Hasbro's "Barrel of Monkeys"... one thought hanging on to another to another to another, and so on. Thoughts come so fast. And it's next to impossible to turn off your brain.
What my wife and I do now, in these retirement years, is turn the TV on and watch... whatever... Big Bang Theory, Everybody Loves Raymond, Mom, Frasier... anything we don't have to think about. We lose maybe an hour of sleep, but at least when we turn off the TV, we usually can fall asleep within 5 minutes.
I'm a worry wart, like you. A hole in the foundation? Been there, done that. Rain leaking through the wall? Been there, done that. Worrying about the roof... the shingles blowing off in a wind storm. It never ends. But at least I don't have to worry about the cottage anymore. I still hope a pine tree won't blow over on top of it, but the new owners can fret about that now. We sold the place last September.
Anyway, Jay, you did a great job of relating your sleepless "wee" hours. Been there. Done that.
When I was still working at Moosehead, 6am comes quickly. Sometimes it's hardly worthwhile trying to go back to sleep!
My favorite parts,
"Rolling to my back, I stare at the ceiling for better than an hour. Listening to the rain sweep across my roof. Swath after swath."
and,
"I hope the plug holds through the night. There's no reason it should. It was dumb, shoving finger-load after finger-load of putty up through the hole. Dumb, but what else could I do?"
and,
"What if one of us had been on the toilet when it came crashing through like a meteor? Or is it a meteorite?"
By the way, what's a "Fitbit"???
Anyway, Good Luck in the contest!
Have you ever tried Melatonin? Sometimes it will work to keep you asleep. Warm milk, too. My wife's favorite way out of insomnia.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 19-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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A Fitbit is the watch that measures your steps during the day, with the goal being 10,000. It also supposedly analyzes your sleep, including total hours of light, REM, Deep sleep. Last night it showed 5:45 minutes, the night before, 4: 03 minutes. I can't remember when I got 7 hours sleep. Most cluster between 5 and 6.
This isn't entered in a contest. My goodness, did you read it for 2 cents? I do thank you, though.
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I'll be honest, Jay. I looked for a post where the reviews stopped at 14. One more review would give you "Recognized".
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Actually, Jay, it says "Story of the Month" contest, I think.
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Oh, yes, it was a past story of the month entry. I have lousy luck with those.
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How generous of you. Thanks!
Comment from Bill Schott
Wow, Jay, that's some stream of consciousness you have going there. I think you've taken this look at insomnia and presented the first look at psychosis. I wait for the Fitbit feud to be revealed. Great stuff.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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Wow, Jay, that's some stream of consciousness you have going there. I think you've taken this look at insomnia and presented the first look at psychosis. I wait for the Fitbit feud to be revealed. Great stuff.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2020
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Seriously, at four in the morning and very jagged sleep preceding it, psychosis doesn't feel far away. My 4 AM thoughts have such a dreamlike quality to them that it's only after I'm awake and writing that I realize how foolish they were.
Comment from --Turtle.
Hi, Jay
I read through your post. I'm really rusty in reviewing, but here's my thoughts. I saw the image of a guy in bed, and it starts off with some concrete footing. The situation: Sleepless, rainy night. The thoughts come.
And the thoughts keep coming... drifting father from the concrete beginning to meander from topic to topic as thoughts do when they get pulled asunder in the late hours of a sleepless night.
The thoughts drift, with the end getting a yank back as calling the thoughts out as late night rambles, with a few closing words to tie things off.
Here are a few of my thoughts along the way:
If I passed her on the street and said, "Hi," would she [would] stop flat and stare me down? (suggest to delete that extra 'would')
I would feel incomplete if I didn't find a typo.
Listening to the rain sweep across my roof. Swath after swath.
(nice grounding beginning here. Like the foreshadow of streaming that happens with punctuation. Small sentences. Breaks and additions to thoughts.
stare me down? Until I added, "Chief Meteorologist Alissa Carlson."
(This struck me, how people are tittled, and the title becomes part of them, and the extension of that title being absorbed by others who don't really know the person beyond the title. I like the humor, and the distancing affect of a title. It adds color to the rain, this weather girl, who I am not properly titling.)
That's a funny way to put it. Relief painted.
(This gives a casual, conversational... pull up a chair and have a listen vibe to this piece. Also pokes at a writing thing... how a writer might describe emotion as something that does something to the human body. Our expressions show our emotions, but we make it out as if we are a canvas that our emotions control. They do things to us. How else would we know she was relieved? Not a boring old.. She looked relieved. : )
fall through by the time I knew for sure.
(reading through this section, little images start to come together. I see the rain... the fact that the rain is needed. The leak... the quandaries around a leak... and the regrets)
like a meteor? (meteorite)? I don't think meteors make it through the atmosphere.
Or is it a meteorite?
(HA!... ha... ha, I was just thinking that. Very meta.)
magazines. Who has the time to check them out?
(I don't know about the meteorites... but I did see a man get struck by a cat falling out the sky, captured on camera. How many more cats are falling out the sky than meteorites? Very odd more people and things are not hit.)
keep cramming putty up the hole with your finger. Idiot!
(Expanding foam, maybe. That might have been the way to go. Foam is watertight, and it expands into crevices)
Skipping rope.
(Skipping more than rope, this piece does a nice job of skipping stones along the mental surface in such a way that takes incomplete thoughts, streams them together, and goes with the flow.
here. One there. In the sheets. Like a spider or bug. On the floor, under
(Nice job here too... the thoughts come and go like these missing ear plugs (which I also find hiding in sheets, like bugs or spiders or missing friends. I don't like to throw them away, though. I just keep moving them around the room.)
That might mean among a lot of other things that you're getting enough sleep. (I'm not getting enough sleep, but I like the meta aspect of breaking the fourth wall effect, that occurs through this section. There's interaction with the reader. I feel like I'm being spoken to, I have a want to interact with the words. I reflect though my own 1/3 and 2/3's of the night, when all I want to do is escape the dribbling thoughts and get a steady stream flowing out of my head, instead of in.)
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Hi, Jay
I read through your post. I'm really rusty in reviewing, but here's my thoughts. I saw the image of a guy in bed, and it starts off with some concrete footing. The situation: Sleepless, rainy night. The thoughts come.
And the thoughts keep coming... drifting father from the concrete beginning to meander from topic to topic as thoughts do when they get pulled asunder in the late hours of a sleepless night.
The thoughts drift, with the end getting a yank back as calling the thoughts out as late night rambles, with a few closing words to tie things off.
Here are a few of my thoughts along the way:
If I passed her on the street and said, "Hi," would she [would] stop flat and stare me down? (suggest to delete that extra 'would')
I would feel incomplete if I didn't find a typo.
Listening to the rain sweep across my roof. Swath after swath.
(nice grounding beginning here. Like the foreshadow of streaming that happens with punctuation. Small sentences. Breaks and additions to thoughts.
stare me down? Until I added, "Chief Meteorologist Alissa Carlson."
(This struck me, how people are tittled, and the title becomes part of them, and the extension of that title being absorbed by others who don't really know the person beyond the title. I like the humor, and the distancing affect of a title. It adds color to the rain, this weather girl, who I am not properly titling.)
That's a funny way to put it. Relief painted.
(This gives a casual, conversational... pull up a chair and have a listen vibe to this piece. Also pokes at a writing thing... how a writer might describe emotion as something that does something to the human body. Our expressions show our emotions, but we make it out as if we are a canvas that our emotions control. They do things to us. How else would we know she was relieved? Not a boring old.. She looked relieved. : )
fall through by the time I knew for sure.
(reading through this section, little images start to come together. I see the rain... the fact that the rain is needed. The leak... the quandaries around a leak... and the regrets)
like a meteor? (meteorite)? I don't think meteors make it through the atmosphere.
Or is it a meteorite?
(HA!... ha... ha, I was just thinking that. Very meta.)
magazines. Who has the time to check them out?
(I don't know about the meteorites... but I did see a man get struck by a cat falling out the sky, captured on camera. How many more cats are falling out the sky than meteorites? Very odd more people and things are not hit.)
keep cramming putty up the hole with your finger. Idiot!
(Expanding foam, maybe. That might have been the way to go. Foam is watertight, and it expands into crevices)
Skipping rope.
(Skipping more than rope, this piece does a nice job of skipping stones along the mental surface in such a way that takes incomplete thoughts, streams them together, and goes with the flow.
here. One there. In the sheets. Like a spider or bug. On the floor, under
(Nice job here too... the thoughts come and go like these missing ear plugs (which I also find hiding in sheets, like bugs or spiders or missing friends. I don't like to throw them away, though. I just keep moving them around the room.)
That might mean among a lot of other things that you're getting enough sleep. (I'm not getting enough sleep, but I like the meta aspect of breaking the fourth wall effect, that occurs through this section. There's interaction with the reader. I feel like I'm being spoken to, I have a want to interact with the words. I reflect though my own 1/3 and 2/3's of the night, when all I want to do is escape the dribbling thoughts and get a steady stream flowing out of my head, instead of in.)
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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OMG, where have to been all these years, Turtle. You'd be worth the REviewer's vote even without the catch you made with the extra "would". (I could have read that 100 more times and not caught that.) And then you even threw in the hint about the foam stuff. Where in the hell can you buy it? No matter. You are a gem, Turtle.
Comment from Adri7enne
I enjoyed following your mostly logical stream of thinking. You're still very lucid, still clear, still interesting, Jay. Are you having problems sleeping? It's so common now that those who sleep well have become a rarity. And it sure does affect the other 2/3 of your life. Still good to read along with a good writer. Keep doing it, Jay.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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I enjoyed following your mostly logical stream of thinking. You're still very lucid, still clear, still interesting, Jay. Are you having problems sleeping? It's so common now that those who sleep well have become a rarity. And it sure does affect the other 2/3 of your life. Still good to read along with a good writer. Keep doing it, Jay.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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About 2 1/2 to 3 hours a night, I'm afraid.
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Do you dream when you sleep, Jay? I went thru a period where I was also having a hard time sleeping. Most of it was self induced. I'd start reading a book and get so involved in it I didn't want to put it down. It got to be a habit. I found out that if I dreamed during the short stint that I did sleep, remembering the dream - the scene - the characters, would act like a tranquilizer on my mind and I would start yawning. Almost as if the dream images triggered the sleep mode in my brain. Try that. You should be able to heal yourself, smart guy like you. Good luck my friend. And yes, it's great to run into old friends here. Many of them have gone on to their rewards. We may as well try to enjoy the rest of the time we have left. Be well, Jay.
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I think I forgot to push send. I had told you I had turned 81 in August. If I'm repeating myself, well, that's proof of it.
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Thank you, Adrienne (I forget whether that's the true name you share with friends) I appreciate hearing about your insomnia crushing method. I think I'm overly reliant on my Fitbit stats on my sleeping. They are not very generous and rarely give me more than 5 hours a night. Occasionally 6. Usually 3-4 hours. I've considered, and I think there's some validity, that sometimes I am dreaming that I'm awake and restless because those are some of the nights my Fitbit shows as my longest sleep periods. My Ex tells me I need to throw away my Fitbit.
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Yes, sometimes it's like watching water boil. It takes ages and nothing is achieved by always checking things. Sometimes it's the very act of checking how many hours you've slept that keeps you awake. Unless you have an early morning appt., turn the clock to the wall and don't check it. In time you'll be less obsessed with how many hours you've slept and you'll start sleeping more naturally. The body has its own rhythms that we ignore at our peril. Give your fitbit away to someone who needs to measure things constantly. You concentrate on living in the present moment and enjoying your life. Wishing you hours of peaceful relaxation, Jay, my friend. And yes, my real name is Adrienne.
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My husband used to say that age is a matter of mind and if you don't mind, it doesn't matter. Attitude is everything. 80 is the new 70. I'm 75 now. Still feel like my life is relevant. Still growing, still interested in how my old friends are doing. Wishing you good health, Jay.
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I'll take part of your advice, Adrienne. Rather than give up Fitbit (I like it for measuring my daily steps), I'll take it off at night and start listening to my body's rhythms. Thank you!
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Good reference of the one-third of the day being spent sleeping, or in most cases, trying to sleep.
Strong comparison between crumbling sanity and wasted putty.
Covering the hole with canvass would have been wise.
In P11, should bought this be bought this one?
When the mind will not shut off at sleep time no telling what thoughts will amble through it like in this posting.
Can say been there done that much more than want to admit to.
Be interesting to read what you post about this topic.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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Good reference of the one-third of the day being spent sleeping, or in most cases, trying to sleep.
Strong comparison between crumbling sanity and wasted putty.
Covering the hole with canvass would have been wise.
In P11, should bought this be bought this one?
When the mind will not shut off at sleep time no telling what thoughts will amble through it like in this posting.
Can say been there done that much more than want to admit to.
Be interesting to read what you post about this topic.
Comment Written 20-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2020
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I took your advice on p. 11. It completes the thought better. Thanks for pointing it out.
Comment from Mastery
Originality plus for this post, Jay. Wow! It had me going for a bit until I grasped where it was going. I had almost forgotten your waay with words. this is a wonderful post, my friend. Bob
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Originality plus for this post, Jay. Wow! It had me going for a bit until I grasped where it was going. I had almost forgotten your waay with words. this is a wonderful post, my friend. Bob
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Coming from a writer with your expertise, you make me want to keep posting. Thanks for your kind words, Bob.
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Bless you, my friend. Keep on keeping on. Bob
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Bless you, my friend. Keep on keeping on. Bob
Comment from Ulla
Jay, it's so good to see you back on Fanstory. While you've been away, we have lost a couple of good writers to the forevermore. But you are still in great form as this piece clearly shows. You certainly hasn't lot the touch. I loved it. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Jay, it's so good to see you back on Fanstory. While you've been away, we have lost a couple of good writers to the forevermore. But you are still in great form as this piece clearly shows. You certainly hasn't lot the touch. I loved it. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Thank you, Ulla. I know of one writer (the one who wrote horror) who passed on, but who is the other? Thank you for reading and leaving your lovely comments.
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Apart from Dean Kuch, Phyllis Steward died earlier this year, she was on constant oxygen and could hardly move. Very sad.
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Yes, I heard about Dean. Oh, poor Phyllis. But I remember she was suffering. Thanks for the update.
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Yes, she suffered a lot, but we all admired how she kept on writing until 10 days(I think) before her death. I think it was a blessing for her to finally let go.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Jay Squires
So you are battling with the lack of sleep
I can see trying to be like the Dutch, but instead of your finger, you are using clay to stop the rain.
Then your mind deprived of sleep wants find other various solutions with your comical words, such as to stop the annoying sound of the rain that slops and spattering on your roof.
I will be waiting for your early morning rambles along with your entertaining quotes.
Gert
Gert
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Hello Jay Squires
So you are battling with the lack of sleep
I can see trying to be like the Dutch, but instead of your finger, you are using clay to stop the rain.
Then your mind deprived of sleep wants find other various solutions with your comical words, such as to stop the annoying sound of the rain that slops and spattering on your roof.
I will be waiting for your early morning rambles along with your entertaining quotes.
Gert
Gert
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Hey, Gert, It sounds like you've been there before. It's no fun experiencing it at 2 or 3 in the A.M. Glad you found something that resonated with you.
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You are welcome Jay Squires
Oh yes many times toss and turning, and having too many odd thing racing though my head.
Gert
Comment from lancellot
Ah, I love the pure conversational tone and the realism of how the mind easily jumps from one topic to another barely related topic. When thinking to oneself we really do, question ourselves, the word choices and their relevance. We imagine meeting the weather girl and notice the oddest things.
Good work.
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Ah, I love the pure conversational tone and the realism of how the mind easily jumps from one topic to another barely related topic. When thinking to oneself we really do, question ourselves, the word choices and their relevance. We imagine meeting the weather girl and notice the oddest things.
Good work.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2020
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Thanks, Lance. Of course, if I were to transcribe exactly my thought processes, it would read like James Joyce. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Gloria ....
Ah, it's so great to see your return to FanStory friend, Jay. No one has the gift of waxing on with such eloquence and attention to detail as you. I liked the pondering about the rain and and hoping that the finger-load after finger-load of putty would hold through the night. LOL. Those are definitely the sorts of concerns that would run through one's head when being kept awake by the rain under an unrepaired hole in the roof.
Chief Meteorologist Alissa Carlson's gig was good too. She sounds a bit testy, but knows her weather.
These are kind of detailed thoughts that furnish your writing with the exquisite precision that makes your reader say to themselves, I know exactly what he's talking about.
Sleep deprivation can be a terrible thing, but on the other hand, it can produce terrific pieces like this one.
So good to see you back home and raring to go. It's like you didn't skip a beat. ))
Gloria
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2020
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Ah, it's so great to see your return to FanStory friend, Jay. No one has the gift of waxing on with such eloquence and attention to detail as you. I liked the pondering about the rain and and hoping that the finger-load after finger-load of putty would hold through the night. LOL. Those are definitely the sorts of concerns that would run through one's head when being kept awake by the rain under an unrepaired hole in the roof.
Chief Meteorologist Alissa Carlson's gig was good too. She sounds a bit testy, but knows her weather.
These are kind of detailed thoughts that furnish your writing with the exquisite precision that makes your reader say to themselves, I know exactly what he's talking about.
Sleep deprivation can be a terrible thing, but on the other hand, it can produce terrific pieces like this one.
So good to see you back home and raring to go. It's like you didn't skip a beat. ))
Gloria
Comment Written 18-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2020
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Your words mean the world to me, Gloria. I had a lot of fun reflecting on my sleep deprivation, though it's no fun during it. Thank you so much for reading this and for your lovely comments.