Hallow's Eve
Rhyming ~ Nod to Poe32 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Melissa,
This is a well done poem following the meter of "The Raven." This bird took his life into his own hands staying out on Halloween. It could be just a child dressed up as a bird after a long night Trick or Treating with his parents and his costume molting. It could be all a vision seen by a drunk person.
Good luck, keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Melissa,
This is a well done poem following the meter of "The Raven." This bird took his life into his own hands staying out on Halloween. It could be just a child dressed up as a bird after a long night Trick or Treating with his parents and his costume molting. It could be all a vision seen by a drunk person.
Good luck, keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thank you Joan for your great review. I liked your imaginative examples for the bird. :)
Melissa
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Thank you Joan for your great review. I liked your imaginative examples for the bird. :)
Melissa
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is so mysterious and scary Melissa, this Hallow's Eve is filled with uncertainty and horror! Dean would have loved this poem. The whole presentation is filled with a barbaric ancient curse grappling and toying with our mind, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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This is so mysterious and scary Melissa, this Hallow's Eve is filled with uncertainty and horror! Dean would have loved this poem. The whole presentation is filled with a barbaric ancient curse grappling and toying with our mind, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thank you Dolly. I was following the format of The Raven by Poe. The tricky form in meter and rhyme was challenging. It took me several days. Thanks again, my friend.
Melissa
Comment from damommy
Excellent job on this nod to Poe. Internal rhyme and end rhyme were great. This poem kept the cadence of the original. Perfect picture to go along.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Excellent job on this nod to Poe. Internal rhyme and end rhyme were great. This poem kept the cadence of the original. Perfect picture to go along.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thanks so very much Yvonne. It is one of the hardest things I have written for some time. Following the form of The Raven.. especially that second line of 17 syllables and all of it Trochaic..., was a challenge. I truly thank you for your comments on it.
Melissa
Comment from robyn corum
Melissa,
Oooohhh... Nice! I fell right into the rhythm perfectly and it brought the Poe feeling right back from my old high school days. Wow. Great job!
Notes:
1.) "Bony fingers pulled(,)" I murmured,
--> comma goes inside
2.) "(')Tis a foolish freak," I whispered,
I enjoyed this a LOT. Thanks and good luck (but only a little 'cause I'm in the contest, too....)
hehe
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Melissa,
Oooohhh... Nice! I fell right into the rhythm perfectly and it brought the Poe feeling right back from my old high school days. Wow. Great job!
Notes:
1.) "Bony fingers pulled(,)" I murmured,
--> comma goes inside
2.) "(')Tis a foolish freak," I whispered,
I enjoyed this a LOT. Thanks and good luck (but only a little 'cause I'm in the contest, too....)
hehe
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Haha... thanks so much for the suggestions. I will jump over to edit and fix them. Hugs, Robyn! I will have to go and look up your verse too. :)
Melissa
Comment from Sally Law
I declare this the scariest thing and winner! I dunno.... I flew past the verses because I'm such a scaredy-cat. I'll stay home and watch the moon instead. Sigh....
Sending my best today as always and my best wishes for the contest. (I think you have this one in your bag of treats!)
Sal XOs....
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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I declare this the scariest thing and winner! I dunno.... I flew past the verses because I'm such a scaredy-cat. I'll stay home and watch the moon instead. Sigh....
Sending my best today as always and my best wishes for the contest. (I think you have this one in your bag of treats!)
Sal XOs....
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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This genre is new to me, but I saw the contest a few days ago, Nod to Poe. Well, I happen to have a book of his work and looked up The Raven and got hooked on the cadence and wondered if I could write something similar without horror or gore... This popped out. I appreciate your comments, Sweet Sal!!
Melissa
Comment from papa55mike
It's amazing how Halloween has changed over the years. A dreaded night in the past, now we dress up our kids and take them to get candy. What a wonderfully written poem.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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It's amazing how Halloween has changed over the years. A dreaded night in the past, now we dress up our kids and take them to get candy. What a wonderfully written poem.
Good luck in the contest!
Have a great day, and God bless.
mike
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hi Mike... thank you. FS had a Nod to Poe contest recently and it inspired me to reread The Raven. I got an idea to write in the same meter and line lengths as he did... and I think you will agree that the second line of 17 syllables is a bit much (I think he was showing off)... but I did as he did, and so, this is it..... haha. I really appreciate your wonderful review!!
Melissa
Comment from nancy_e_davis
"to be out on Hallow's Evening; walking down a country village lane." I do believe the meter to be a bit off in this line and you should omit EITHER country or lane.
In fact I think that line in each verse is of meter but maybe not. Who am I to argue with Edgar Allen POE. LOL This is worth a six as entertainment. Splendid idea. Scary picture. Gave me chills, Melissa. LOL Nancy:)
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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"to be out on Hallow's Evening; walking down a country village lane." I do believe the meter to be a bit off in this line and you should omit EITHER country or lane.
In fact I think that line in each verse is of meter but maybe not. Who am I to argue with Edgar Allen POE. LOL This is worth a six as entertainment. Splendid idea. Scary picture. Gave me chills, Melissa. LOL Nancy:)
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hi Nancy... thank you. FS had a Nod to Poe contest recently and it inspired me to reread The Raven. I got an idea to write in the same meter and line lengths as he did... and I heartily agree that the second line of 17 syllables is a bit much (I think he was showing off)... but I did as he did and so, this is it..... haha. I really appreciate your wonderful review!! Hugs!
Melissa
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I figured that was the reason. Can't believe he would slay the meter like that.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Melissa, I love this! What a great poem! Mr. Poe would crack a big smile. There is a mad gallop, isn't there? Perhaps the Headless Horseman!
I'm sure this bird is Poe's raven. And someone is after it, maybe Edgar himself.
"Overhead, I heard him utter, some barbaric, awful mutter,
with a Scottish brogue and stutter, stutters of the most profane." .. Such terrific rhymes, and when finally done reading, we get the chance for a short gasp before continuing on.
My favorite lines,
"Be it fiendish, or my fancy, one thing's certain, it is chancy,
to be out on Hallow's Evening; walking down a country village lane." ... I notice some of these like lines have an extra two syllables. It throws off the rhythm a bit.
For example, I'd sooner read it this way...
"Be it fiendish, or my fancy, one thing's certain, it is chancy,
to be out on Hallow's Evening; walking down a country lane." This keeps the rhythm smooth.
In any case, it's a perfect poem for the contest, and a contender for sure. And here I thought I had a chance.
Nicely penned! Good Luck, my dear!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hi Melissa, I love this! What a great poem! Mr. Poe would crack a big smile. There is a mad gallop, isn't there? Perhaps the Headless Horseman!
I'm sure this bird is Poe's raven. And someone is after it, maybe Edgar himself.
"Overhead, I heard him utter, some barbaric, awful mutter,
with a Scottish brogue and stutter, stutters of the most profane." .. Such terrific rhymes, and when finally done reading, we get the chance for a short gasp before continuing on.
My favorite lines,
"Be it fiendish, or my fancy, one thing's certain, it is chancy,
to be out on Hallow's Evening; walking down a country village lane." ... I notice some of these like lines have an extra two syllables. It throws off the rhythm a bit.
For example, I'd sooner read it this way...
"Be it fiendish, or my fancy, one thing's certain, it is chancy,
to be out on Hallow's Evening; walking down a country lane." This keeps the rhythm smooth.
In any case, it's a perfect poem for the contest, and a contender for sure. And here I thought I had a chance.
Nicely penned! Good Luck, my dear!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hi Bob... I am so very delighted you liked this verse. I was inspired by the.. Nod to Poe.. contest a few days ago. I reread The Raven and it inspired me to try my hand at his meter. I followed the trochaic meter and line lengths, and do ..heartily.. agree that his choice of 17 syllables in the second line is overkill... I think he was showing off. :). But, I followed his lead and here we are. Thanks my friend!!! Hugs,
Melissa
Comment from Pantygynt
This is very good indeed. The long lines divide themselves rhythmically, and in most cases in sense too, into two parts after the fourth foot:
'of a | bird of | pale gray | color || flapping | on a | curtained | window | pane.
But there is no such clear division here:
'grabbing | at the | writhing | bird en-|-snaring | it with | silver | strands of | chain.'
While the metre is maintained faultlessly, the enjambment necessary between the 4th and 5th foot coming in the middle of a word (ensnaring) runs counter to the rhythmic pattern established in the first stanza where there is a definite break after the fourth foot (color). In the last stanza you should lose the and and write 'evening' again to stress the pattern
I might have been tempted in the second stanza to write:
'grabbing | at the | writhing | creature || snaring | it with | silver | strands of | chain.'
And in the last stanza to write:
'to be | out on | Hallow's | Evening || walking | down a | country | village | lane.
These are matters affecting the unity of the piece rather than its metre. It is a point I should like to mention in class later.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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This is very good indeed. The long lines divide themselves rhythmically, and in most cases in sense too, into two parts after the fourth foot:
'of a | bird of | pale gray | color || flapping | on a | curtained | window | pane.
But there is no such clear division here:
'grabbing | at the | writhing | bird en-|-snaring | it with | silver | strands of | chain.'
While the metre is maintained faultlessly, the enjambment necessary between the 4th and 5th foot coming in the middle of a word (ensnaring) runs counter to the rhythmic pattern established in the first stanza where there is a definite break after the fourth foot (color). In the last stanza you should lose the and and write 'evening' again to stress the pattern
I might have been tempted in the second stanza to write:
'grabbing | at the | writhing | creature || snaring | it with | silver | strands of | chain.'
And in the last stanza to write:
'to be | out on | Hallow's | Evening || walking | down a | country | village | lane.
These are matters affecting the unity of the piece rather than its metre. It is a point I should like to mention in class later.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Thanks so much, Jim. I really like adding the word .. creature.. and will edit it and also, the word, evening. So appreciate you!!
Melissa
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You are welcome.
Comment from royowen
This is beautifully written, I've never read "The Raven" so I have no idea how it reads, in fact, apart from Fanstory, and a little at school, so I had a little trouble following it, but I appreciate the cryptic language. You're a good Poet, well done Melissa, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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This is beautifully written, I've never read "The Raven" so I have no idea how it reads, in fact, apart from Fanstory, and a little at school, so I had a little trouble following it, but I appreciate the cryptic language. You're a good Poet, well done Melissa, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2020
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Hi Roy... yes, The Raven is a bit complicated... that second line is a doozy and Poe, I think, was showing off. But, I tried to copy his verse as best I could. The thing is, Roy, the poem has many stanzas and in my opinion.... it is a lot of work to write in trochaic for a long time. ;) I must give him a nod for his genius in crafting it... not the story which is about a Raven and his ..lost Lenore.. but, the work. Thanks again!!
Melissa
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Thanks for explaining Melissa,
