Reviews from

Atticus

5/6/5 Senryu

10 total reviews 
Comment from lyenochka
Excellent
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He's adorable and look how he is giving a hug in that picture! You're right that Jesus wants us to be like that - loving, innocent, and trusting God for everything! Best wishes in the contest!

 Comment Written 08-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 08-Nov-2020
    Thank you, Helen. I appreciate your review.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Excellent
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A very well-written senryu about children in their innocence are the best example adults can ever dream of about sharing unconditional love to every one without exception.

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
    Thank you very much for your review and kind words
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
Excellent
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This is a Very Beautiful 5-6-5 poem about your grandson. Everyone he meets is a potential friend. This is so sweet. Such a cute photo of him he looks like an adorable little boy.

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
    Thank you very much for your review and kind words
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Excellent
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Your Grandson has an unusual name and you paid tribute to him here as his adventures always include making those he meets, friends, kids have such open hearts, a fine write, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
    Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
Comment from A Little Bird
Excellent
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Congratulations on this lovely piece. Children are so beautiful and innocent. Your grandson looks adorable; Atticus is such a cute name. Good luck with the competition!

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
    Thank you very much for your review and kind words.

Comment from George Santhosh
Excellent
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That's a lovely picture of Atticus and what a good boy he must be if he sees a friend in everyone. Bless his heart and yours!

-(Old Review)-
{"Please recheck the second line as I believe it has only 6 syllables instead of 7 (No. of syllables: Is - 1, A - 1, Potential - 3, Friend - 1)"
I have been hence corrected by the writer that Haiku are not strictly required to have this syllable structure}

Thank you for sharing your poem. And also the detailed author's notes. Let me know if you make any edits to your poem. Keep writing.
George

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
    Senryu is written in 17 syllables or less, so my 5/6/5 is fine. The reason for this is that Japanese syllables are shorter than English syllables.

    source of rules

    for example, one of the greatest haiku in history, written by haiku master, Matsuo Basho....

    old pond
    frogs jumped in
    sound of water .................... In English, it's 2/3/4

    Same haiku in Japanese....

    furu ike ya
    kawazu tobikomu
    mizu no to ..................... In Japanese it's 5/7/5

reply by George Santhosh on 07-Nov-2020
    Hi! Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I was not aware of this.

    I have updated my ratings.
    Cheers :)
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
    Thank you
Comment from kmoss
Excellent
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Cute! I love the last line. In only two words, it reads as describing Atticus and shows your love toward Atticus. You note is so correct, I wish adults were more loving and accepting as children. Of course, children are brutally honest, also. HA. Nice job!

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
    Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
Comment from Jewell McChesney
Excellent
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Atticus sounds like a lovely, kind child. Don't you adore their innocent perspective and trust for everyone?
Thank you for sharing a well written senryu!

 Comment Written 07-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 07-Nov-2020
    Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
Comment from Cynthia Adams1
Excellent
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Thank you for sharing Atticus with us for a few lines.
What a cutie! I love the stance he takes in the picture...strong, solid, with an inviting smile.
If I'm not mistaken, the second line has only six syllables. If so, please change. You and Atticus want to do well in the contest :)

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
    Hello, Cynthia, senryu is 17 syllables or less so 5/6/5 is perfectly okay. Thank you for the review! I added the rules of senryu in my author notes.
reply by Cynthia Adams1 on 06-Nov-2020
    Oh. Good. No prob.
Comment from Victoria...
Excellent
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I love how children are so open to everyone. I wish adults could be as open to "potential friend"s as Atticus and other toddlers are. By the way, I love the name Atticus also. Was he named for Atticus Finch?

 Comment Written 06-Nov-2020

reply by the author on 06-Nov-2020
    Yes, he was named after 'Atticus Finch'. Thank you very much for reading my poem. Have a wonderful weekend. :)