Stone Angel
Senryu9 total reviews
Comment from Mark D. R.
Congrats on this winning Senryu entry Gypsy.
Somehow I missed reviewing and voting on it.
Those warm, slimy slugs (good alliteration!) are having a field day crawling on that cold woman.
Mark
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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Congrats on this winning Senryu entry Gypsy.
Somehow I missed reviewing and voting on it.
Those warm, slimy slugs (good alliteration!) are having a field day crawling on that cold woman.
Mark
Comment Written 19-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 19-Nov-2020
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Thank you ....It was a blind contest. Thank you very much for your review and kind words. Have a lovely day.
Hugs,
Gypsy
Comment from lyenochka
That was quite the surprising and alliterative last line! I like your humor showing how such a lofty stone structure of a celestial being can be reached by the lowliest creature. Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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That was quite the surprising and alliterative last line! I like your humor showing how such a lofty stone structure of a celestial being can be reached by the lowliest creature. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 18-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
Comment from poetwatch
A kiss is just a kiss, author. :) The angel is stone. Yet, what if... the angel move and those lips were warm? If the slug was the messager for it to wake up? It would be wonderful. This is a good offering for the Senryu Poetry contest. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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A kiss is just a kiss, author. :) The angel is stone. Yet, what if... the angel move and those lips were warm? If the slug was the messager for it to wake up? It would be wonderful. This is a good offering for the Senryu Poetry contest. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
Comment from Carmen Ducharme
Perfect entry for a 5/7/5 Senryu poem .Well done .And such emotional words spoken with such little words ! Good luck in the contest .I enjoyed this very much !
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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Perfect entry for a 5/7/5 Senryu poem .Well done .And such emotional words spoken with such little words ! Good luck in the contest .I enjoyed this very much !
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 18-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
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Your very welcome ! God Bless!
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It was my pleasure ! God Bless!
Comment from Cybertron1986
I found this piece to be engagingly vivid. The ending was humorous and on spot to deliver that timely comical punch. Very well presented and expressed and culturally educational as well. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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I found this piece to be engagingly vivid. The ending was humorous and on spot to deliver that timely comical punch. Very well presented and expressed and culturally educational as well. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for your review and feedback.
Comment from Wendy G
Thank you for an interesting senryu, and also the information below concerning this structure. An unusual topic, but the contrast between the coldness of the statue, although beautiful, and the life of the slug, although distasteful, makes it memorable.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you for an interesting senryu, and also the information below concerning this structure. An unusual topic, but the contrast between the coldness of the statue, although beautiful, and the life of the slug, although distasteful, makes it memorable.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much for your review and feedback.
Comment from AnnieDawn
I gave 5 stars because you are within the syllable count but it says that they are usually a 5/7/5 style of the poem and this one is only a 3/5/3. It is an interesting concept though and I thought it showed imagination.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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I gave 5 stars because you are within the syllable count but it says that they are usually a 5/7/5 style of the poem and this one is only a 3/5/3. It is an interesting concept though and I thought it showed imagination.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much, Annie. Senryu can be less than 17 syllables but just in case I rewrote it as a 5/7/5. Thank you very much fore reviewing and feedback.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
I really, really, realllly loved this piece. I don't many good short Japanese pieces here, but yours would definitely rank in the good category. YAY!
But there is a potential problem. You and I know there is no syllable restriction that says senryu has to be 17 syllables - and I think your poem is perfect exactly as it is. BUT the rules for this contest seem to specify the 5/7/5 format. (??)
It might be worth checking before this goes to the booth. Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Dear Mystery Writer,
I really, really, realllly loved this piece. I don't many good short Japanese pieces here, but yours would definitely rank in the good category. YAY!
But there is a potential problem. You and I know there is no syllable restriction that says senryu has to be 17 syllables - and I think your poem is perfect exactly as it is. BUT the rules for this contest seem to specify the 5/7/5 format. (??)
It might be worth checking before this goes to the booth. Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you very much, Robyn. I really appreciate your review and feedback. I changed it.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Ha ha ha, and the slug doesn't realise his great privilege here! I loved the contrasts you brought to this poem, a fine Senryu, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Ha ha ha, and the slug doesn't realise his great privilege here! I loved the contrasts you brought to this poem, a fine Senryu, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Dolly
