Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Betrayal Chapter 9"In the title.
41 total reviews
Comment from Jessica Borras
Another wonderful chapter! I'm so ready for Tania to catch Colin, with all of his shadiness. I love the confidence she's showing in this chapter.
There are a couple of sentences I felt could go without their commas. "giving him the idea that she had let herself go since they'd split up, was a definite no-go as well." and "His white hair, and pale blue eyes against his artificial tan, had a striking affect on anyone who saw him for the first time". They're both wonderful sentences and I especially love the way you've described Colin through Tonia's eyes.
Also, "she quickened her tep", should it be step?
And just one last suggestion... I think you could remove the line "Tania now had the casual but smart appearance she'd been looking for." and have the same effect. Actually, I think it would be an even better paragraph.
Putting on her navy, three-quarter-length jacket, red high-heeled shoes with matching shoulder-bag, she'd left her blonde hair to fall casually over her shoulders. Her make-up consisted of a light touch of beige eye-shadow, and a pale-rose shade of lipstick. With a satisfied nod, she picked up her door keys and left.
You do a wonderful job of showing us, so you don't need to tell us <3
As always, I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2021
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Another wonderful chapter! I'm so ready for Tania to catch Colin, with all of his shadiness. I love the confidence she's showing in this chapter.
There are a couple of sentences I felt could go without their commas. "giving him the idea that she had let herself go since they'd split up, was a definite no-go as well." and "His white hair, and pale blue eyes against his artificial tan, had a striking affect on anyone who saw him for the first time". They're both wonderful sentences and I especially love the way you've described Colin through Tonia's eyes.
Also, "she quickened her tep", should it be step?
And just one last suggestion... I think you could remove the line "Tania now had the casual but smart appearance she'd been looking for." and have the same effect. Actually, I think it would be an even better paragraph.
Putting on her navy, three-quarter-length jacket, red high-heeled shoes with matching shoulder-bag, she'd left her blonde hair to fall casually over her shoulders. Her make-up consisted of a light touch of beige eye-shadow, and a pale-rose shade of lipstick. With a satisfied nod, she picked up her door keys and left.
You do a wonderful job of showing us, so you don't need to tell us <3
As always, I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2021
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You're an angel! Thank you so much for reading this chapter and for the great sugestions. Yes, that was 'step', I have no idea what happened to the 's' in that word!! What I love about your reviews, you always tell me what you like as well as what you think could enhance it. I'm really grateful, Jessica. Thank you. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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It's easy to tell you what I like, because you've written such a wonderful story! But you're so very welcome <3
Comment from Begin Again
Oh, the creep is still a creep...he'll get his though I am sure. Great job of keeping the reader's interest as I am off to the next chapter. Smiles
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2021
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Oh, the creep is still a creep...he'll get his though I am sure. Great job of keeping the reader's interest as I am off to the next chapter. Smiles
Comment Written 13-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2021
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Yes, he's a creep of the biggest order. Thanks again, Carol, I really appreciate all your time your giving me. :))
Comment from DSchlosser
I laughed a lot at the email part with Tania telling him she kept getting a lot of spam. That was a great line.
I wanted to ask on one part. "It's like everything, you have to build up a good C.V to get your name out there." -I read this line and didn't know what CV was. Is it some sort of abbreviation for reputation? I've never heard of it.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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I laughed a lot at the email part with Tania telling him she kept getting a lot of spam. That was a great line.
I wanted to ask on one part. "It's like everything, you have to build up a good C.V to get your name out there." -I read this line and didn't know what CV was. Is it some sort of abbreviation for reputation? I've never heard of it.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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Thank you again, David. You are so kind going back and reading these chapters. I copied this from Google, it was an easier way to explain what a CV is, and why it's important. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Curriculum Vitae (CV) is Latin for "course of life."
A CV details the whole course of the candidate's academic career and past positions when applying for a new job. Without one, you wouldn't make it to the first interview.
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Ah, okay! I had never heard of the term before. It's interesting to find out about the requirements for that.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
The meeting at last and everything seems to be going according to plan.
A few bits & pieces. The last one I think is the biggie!
She didn't want him to think she'd gone to a lot of trouble on his account, but at the same time, giving him the idea that she had let herself go since they'd split up, was a definite no-go as well. - aah... the universal problem of meeting an ex! lol
she quickened her tep, minding the traffic as she crossed the road. - her step.
While Colin spoke to the waiter, she slipped her hand inside her pocket and pressed the button that put the digital recorder onto voice activation.- that solves the query I had last instalment! lol
had a striking affect on anyone who saw him for the first time. - I think in this instance it would be effect.
then led them to a quiet window table.- I'm not sure you need the quiet here, given it's been pointed out that the place was hardly busy at all. Maybe something like secluded/ out of window...
remembered vividly. It was the moment she'd finally woken up and kicked him out of her life. For Colin's benefit, however, she just shrugged dismissively. / so earnestly, Tania nearly laughed, but quickly - watch those adverbs.
The waiter becomes a waitress in between wine and food. - I know this happens but it states the waitress came back with their food but she'd not been there before.
you have to build up a good C.V to get your name out there - I think you need the dot after the V as well.
I felt the last paragraph was out of place due to the change in point of view. Everything has been Tania in this instalment and then it swops abruptly to Colin.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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Hi Sandra,
The meeting at last and everything seems to be going according to plan.
A few bits & pieces. The last one I think is the biggie!
She didn't want him to think she'd gone to a lot of trouble on his account, but at the same time, giving him the idea that she had let herself go since they'd split up, was a definite no-go as well. - aah... the universal problem of meeting an ex! lol
she quickened her tep, minding the traffic as she crossed the road. - her step.
While Colin spoke to the waiter, she slipped her hand inside her pocket and pressed the button that put the digital recorder onto voice activation.- that solves the query I had last instalment! lol
had a striking affect on anyone who saw him for the first time. - I think in this instance it would be effect.
then led them to a quiet window table.- I'm not sure you need the quiet here, given it's been pointed out that the place was hardly busy at all. Maybe something like secluded/ out of window...
remembered vividly. It was the moment she'd finally woken up and kicked him out of her life. For Colin's benefit, however, she just shrugged dismissively. / so earnestly, Tania nearly laughed, but quickly - watch those adverbs.
The waiter becomes a waitress in between wine and food. - I know this happens but it states the waitress came back with their food but she'd not been there before.
you have to build up a good C.V to get your name out there - I think you need the dot after the V as well.
I felt the last paragraph was out of place due to the change in point of view. Everything has been Tania in this instalment and then it swops abruptly to Colin.
All the best
G
Comment Written 24-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2021
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I see what you mean about the last paragraph. I'll work on that. I've changed the waiter to waitress now. And I'm also going to work on those adverbs. I've also made a note and stuck it by my laptop to remind me to include an adverb check along with my spell checks. Where would I be without you, Gareth? Thank you again, my wonderful friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Sanku
What a third rate conniving cheat he is . He is already planning to steal her plans and is so sure that she will simply hand over it to him after what he had done to her .I loved this chapter and I am sure I will love the next oe also...
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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What a third rate conniving cheat he is . He is already planning to steal her plans and is so sure that she will simply hand over it to him after what he had done to her .I loved this chapter and I am sure I will love the next oe also...
Comment Written 28-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2020
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What a lovely way to wake up in the morning! To find your wonderful review, topped with a sixth shiny star, was amazing, thank you so very much! Colin's devious plan will be revealed tomorrow. Will it work? Warm hugs, my friend. Have a lovely weekend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sandra, before you get stuck with amnesia...she's not going to get back with this joker...right???...just to find out what he is up to...that would be a dangerous game...
she knows now it was him...go tell Grant...then again...can he be trusted...he may know it's Colin...but what will he do about it???...there's a catch somewhere in here...I'm sooooo confused....
at least she has Monica on her side...or does she????...
your just sneaky enough to throw her in there...don't make me hope you get nits...just kidding....
so now lets see what his plan is...and who is in there with him...I still think he's not working alone...
another awesome chapter my amazing friend...you must go to bed dreaming this stuff...every word holds your attention...very well done you...love you in big bunches sweet girl...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2020
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Hi Sandra, before you get stuck with amnesia...she's not going to get back with this joker...right???...just to find out what he is up to...that would be a dangerous game...
she knows now it was him...go tell Grant...then again...can he be trusted...he may know it's Colin...but what will he do about it???...there's a catch somewhere in here...I'm sooooo confused....
at least she has Monica on her side...or does she????...
your just sneaky enough to throw her in there...don't make me hope you get nits...just kidding....
so now lets see what his plan is...and who is in there with him...I still think he's not working alone...
another awesome chapter my amazing friend...you must go to bed dreaming this stuff...every word holds your attention...very well done you...love you in big bunches sweet girl...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 25-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2020
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Hello ... um ... Wendy? No, ... Freda? ... no, definitely not Freda ... um ... oh, I know you, you're Linda!!! Lol, this amnesia is really getting worse!!! LOL!!
Is Tania getting back with Colin? Goodness me, who is Colin??
Now, how did you know that Monica is actually an axe murderer and she's biding her time to kill Tania and then put her in the cesspit. LOL!
You are such fun, my dear friend, I love your reviews. Thank you so much for the six stars and the fabulously fun review. You really are a wonderful lady, and I love you lots. Loads of hugs, dear friend. :)) Sandra xxxx
Will you get to see Noah and Abby for Christmas, and your mom? Give them my love. xxx
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OTFLMBO....no not FREDA...or Wendy...this is Florence...try to remember...LOL...
Monica may not want to go as far as killing her...but maybe Colin has been giving her a little pickle tickle for information...stranger thing have happened...you are tooo funny...
no I don't think Kristy will let anyone by the kids until a vaccine is given...but she is letting them outside more...by themselves...and their riding their bikes...
I am glad about that...maybe after Christmas she'll lighten up...the other grandparents live 10 minutes away and they haven't been by them either...sigh...I have high hopes and lots of prayers for next year...
well you and Graham have a great day...I have to pop a ham in the oven...and get a shower...make all my Thanksgiving Day phone calls...your amazing Sandra...it is Sandra ???...big hugs back at you...love you in groves...Linda xxoo
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LOL!! Ok, Flo, I'll remember that. Go with the Flo, Yes? :))
I can understand Kirsty, they have their whole lives ahead of them, and it wouldn't do to have them catch this virus, it will be years before anyone knows what other damage it's caused to our internal organs. Best be safe than sorry. At least we can 'face' our family and see them that way. Next year will be good. I know these things. :)) Take care, dear friend. xxxxx
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smiling sooooo big back at ya...love xxoo
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
Ah plan and counter plan. The duel begins.
Colin is slick, he hasn't said anything that could be used against him, not yet anyway. You've written this scene very well.
I hate guys with "porcelain blond hair and ultra-blue eyes." LOL
Note: Three of your first four paragraphs begin with "Tania."
You might to use "she" (though you also used the pronoun a lot too) or reword one or two a bit, just for a little variety.
Perfect Mitchell ending that will make the reader want to know exactly what that "plan" is.
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Hello Sandra,
Ah plan and counter plan. The duel begins.
Colin is slick, he hasn't said anything that could be used against him, not yet anyway. You've written this scene very well.
I hate guys with "porcelain blond hair and ultra-blue eyes." LOL
Note: Three of your first four paragraphs begin with "Tania."
You might to use "she" (though you also used the pronoun a lot too) or reword one or two a bit, just for a little variety.
Perfect Mitchell ending that will make the reader want to know exactly what that "plan" is.
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
Comment Written 25-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Hello Robert, I had to laugh, you have picked up on those paragraphs, that I've been changing in my MS Word copy. I'll change them on here later. I had it on 'Read Aloud' and it stood out like a sore thumb! So your thoughts were not unexpected, but you were the only one who picked it up. Thank you!
I wanted to paint Colin as one of those men who love themselves, that was why I was so descriptive with his looks, so don't rush out and have your hair died! LOL. The next part is the beginning of... oh dear, I've forgotten! Lol.
Thank you so very much for this lovely review, and all those shiny stars, my friend. And for your input which I'm dealing with now. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from alexisleech
Oh, oh - methinks Tanya better be careful. She thinks she's ahead of the game with her voice recorder, but who knows? Colin sounds like the kind of guy who would stop at nothing to get his own way. So glad I've caught up at last, and I can't wait for the next beautifully written chapter!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Oh, oh - methinks Tanya better be careful. She thinks she's ahead of the game with her voice recorder, but who knows? Colin sounds like the kind of guy who would stop at nothing to get his own way. So glad I've caught up at last, and I can't wait for the next beautifully written chapter!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 25-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Thank you so very much for another lovely review and more beautiful stars, Alexis! You have really made my day, dear friend. I'm delighted you have enjoyed this part, stay tuned for a huge turnabout! Warm hugs, and lots of love! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from tfawcus
I thought I'd reviewed this. I read it the other day. Well modulated interplay between these two. There's no doubt that Tania has the upper hand, though you do leave us wondering what Colin has got up his sleeve.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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I thought I'd reviewed this. I read it the other day. Well modulated interplay between these two. There's no doubt that Tania has the upper hand, though you do leave us wondering what Colin has got up his sleeve.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2020
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Thank you, Tony, for another of your lovely reviews. I've done that before, read a piece and then something has taken me away from it, only for me to forget to go back and review. So easy to do. I'm glad you enjoyed this part, it leads on to something a lot more revealing, for want of a better word. :) Sending you a hug for the lovely stars, my friend! Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from lyenochka
I really liked your clear descriptions of the physical features and the clothes. I was on edge thinking at any moment, she was going to turn on her phone's recorder. Did she already do it?
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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I really liked your clear descriptions of the physical features and the clothes. I was on edge thinking at any moment, she was going to turn on her phone's recorder. Did she already do it?
Comment Written 24-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2020
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Hi Helen, thank you so much for this lovely review. I'm glad you liked the descriptions. The digital recorder is voice activated, I put it in part 7, perhaps I should have her think about it in this part because you are the second person who has mentioned. it. Thank you, again, my friend. Have a happy Thanksgiving Day! Warm hugs, Sandra xx
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Thank you, Sandra! How thoughtful of you to note our American holiday! Hugs!
