On Raphael's Knight's Dream
Italian sonnet/acrostic6 total reviews
Comment from dragonpoet
Nicely donemix of acrostic and Plutarchan sonnet split by the picture. It seems the poem is about the picture. I like mythology.
Congrats for placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Happy Holidays
dp
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2020
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Nicely donemix of acrostic and Plutarchan sonnet split by the picture. It seems the poem is about the picture. I like mythology.
Congrats for placing second in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Happy Holidays
dp
Comment Written 23-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2020
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Thanks, dragonpoet. I'm glad you liked the poem, and that you took the time to read and comment.
The poem is indeed about the painting, "Vision of a Knight" or "Knight's Dream", by the Renaissance artist Raphael. I took some poetic license by assigning (as some art scholars have done) the names of Roman goddesses to the female figures. The sleeping figure is the Roman general Scipio, exhausted from his successful campaign against the city of Carthage. Like all soldiers, he must balance wisdom and virtue with love, a necessary and difficult task for us all.
Have a healthy, happy holiday as well!
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You're welcome, The name do seem to fit the painting.
dp
Comment from Pantygynt
All the contest required was an acrostic but this should attract the attention of the judges as it not only meets the requirement of the content but is presented in a classic form, the Italian or Petrarchan sonnet, Very nicely done.
I have one suggestion. As written 'Venus's' invites treatment as a three syllable word which mucks up the metre somewhat. Petrarch was a notorious breaker of rules and I would be tempted to go for a trochaic substitution he and write the line:
'Nearby, Venus offers love unbound' or, if you prefer to maintain iambic metre:
'Now, nearby, Venus offers love unbound' but of course it is your sonnet.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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All the contest required was an acrostic but this should attract the attention of the judges as it not only meets the requirement of the content but is presented in a classic form, the Italian or Petrarchan sonnet, Very nicely done.
I have one suggestion. As written 'Venus's' invites treatment as a three syllable word which mucks up the metre somewhat. Petrarch was a notorious breaker of rules and I would be tempted to go for a trochaic substitution he and write the line:
'Nearby, Venus offers love unbound' or, if you prefer to maintain iambic metre:
'Now, nearby, Venus offers love unbound' but of course it is your sonnet.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Boy, you know? I struggled with that line from the start! At first, I used Aphrodite, but as Mr. Schott pointed out earlier, Aphrodite is Greek to everyone except me--apparently I must have been asleep that day in class! The original line was "Nearby, Aphrodite's love unbound", but the knight depicted is the Roman general Scipio, so I tried working with the Roman Venus instead. She's proving to be a pain!
Your first suggestion corrects the meter but renders the next line problematic--"Gives" would need to be "Giving", and I really like the alliteration and hard consonance of "Gives goodly cause" contrasting with the softer "gentle knights choose". It hints at the knight's choice: the hard path of virtue and battle, or the softer path of love.
As it stands, I could try and convince myself that the dactyl/choree combination hints at his heart skipping a beat while considering Venus's offer. Or I could try and be clever and say that the two lines following "confuse" confuse the iambic metric until the last line of the octave, but that may just be me trying to justify an error!
I think I'm just making excuses. The fact that you were distracted by the phrasing tells me it's probably not right. I may have to wrestle with this some more! Thank you so much, pantygynt, for your very helpful comment. I'm glad you liked it in spite of its rough edges.
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It has great potential, so don't give up. It will come right in the end. I am having one hell of a job with the final sentence of my novel.
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I don't know if you play golf, but sometimes writing is like getting to a par five green in two, and then six-putting!
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It was because of that sort of thing that I gave it up - golf that is.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Back with congrats on your prize. Not surprised! Cheers. LIZ
Startling imagery and original theme--fresh, graceful, and alliterative: tangled words wound round .. tethered Truth, the lesson found--star-worthy in itself. This may be a winner.
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Back with congrats on your prize. Not surprised! Cheers. LIZ
Startling imagery and original theme--fresh, graceful, and alliterative: tangled words wound round .. tethered Truth, the lesson found--star-worthy in itself. This may be a winner.
Comment Written 12-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Elizabeth! I've always loved this painting. Any credit for anything I've done right goes to the inspiration it brings. I should probably give some credit to the muse as well, else I'll fall from her good grace. I'm just the instrument, after all! Thank you for reading and commenting.
Comment from LisaMay
As a visual artist myself I appreciate poems about paintings, and yours is done very skilfully. Your sonnet's lines and thoughts flow smoothly. Truth, virtue, love - all challenges to be faced whenever and wherever we live.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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As a visual artist myself I appreciate poems about paintings, and yours is done very skilfully. Your sonnet's lines and thoughts flow smoothly. Truth, virtue, love - all challenges to be faced whenever and wherever we live.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2020
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I was a picture framer and gallery worker for many years, so I got to see lots of art. Try as I may, I could not "do" art. Somewhere between my brain and my hand, what I wanted to draw got all tangled up! I've always admired artists' ability to create the visual. Anyway, thank you for you kind words; I really appreciate it!
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Appreciating art doesn't need to rely on being a 'doer'... just like some people adore poetry but read it rather than write it.
Comment from Bill Schott
This sonnet, On Raphael's Knight's Dream, is a terrific, stand-alone poem, complete with well-chosen words and the proper formatting. The story escapes me, but for the idea that a dreaming knight can be safe but not useful in battle. I find it interesting that you have Minerva and Aphrodite in the same poem. Unless there is another reason for it, Minerva would be paired with Venus, or Athena with Aphrodite, depending on the Roman or Greek deities. Happy day.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
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This sonnet, On Raphael's Knight's Dream, is a terrific, stand-alone poem, complete with well-chosen words and the proper formatting. The story escapes me, but for the idea that a dreaming knight can be safe but not useful in battle. I find it interesting that you have Minerva and Aphrodite in the same poem. Unless there is another reason for it, Minerva would be paired with Venus, or Athena with Aphrodite, depending on the Roman or Greek deities. Happy day.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
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Thank you, Bill. I know, I know! What's worse is, that's a Roman general in the painting. I don't think he'd be dreaming about Greek goddesses! Well, but who knows? As you say, he's sleeping, so maybe there's something wrong with him!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
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Okay -- made a quick edit so all the gods would play nicely together! Bill, thank you so much, it was a great catch.
Comment from robyn corum
TE,
Oh, wow. This was just lovely. It's hard to imagine a poem in this contest that could beat it. Those knights were brave and true - and it's said that we cannot remember them each individually. Thanks so much!
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
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TE,
Oh, wow. This was just lovely. It's hard to imagine a poem in this contest that could beat it. Those knights were brave and true - and it's said that we cannot remember them each individually. Thanks so much!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2020
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Gosh, thank you, robyn, for reading and your kind comment. I really appreciate it.
