Remembering Yesterday
Viewing comments for Chapter 87 "One Down And Three To Go"A widow's journey into her relationship with her
15 total reviews
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
So much was always happening with your family! One down, and three to go -- great job, on the part of you and your husband. It sounds like Don had it rough, but something tells me that things will turn around for him.
Here are the revisions I suggest:
Young Love and Other Concerns.
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Young Love and Other Concerns
He thought he'd been in love with Ce-Ce from high school and Kelly from during his first year at Southern,
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He thought he'd been in love with Ce-Ce from high school and Kelly from during his first year at Southern.
she had two more semesters and would graduate the following December, [delete line break before "following"]
In spite of the fact that we think of St Nicholas as good,
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In spite of the fact that we think of St. Nicholas as good,
I wrote up a nice ad with the heading, 'Free to a good home"
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I wrote up a nice ad with the heading, "Free to a good home."
We wished him the best and hoped that he would ... [remove line break before "hoped"]
Jekyll Island is a 240 acre island...
-->
Jekyll Island is a 240-acre island...
I'm wasn't sure how much longer...
-->
I wasn't sure how much longer...
***
Poor Nick, the dog! Too rambunctious for his own good. I hope he found a good home, or was found by a dog whisperer. Maybe you should have brought him to Connie's former teacher, the exorcist? Lol. I think he just needed the right trainer.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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So much was always happening with your family! One down, and three to go -- great job, on the part of you and your husband. It sounds like Don had it rough, but something tells me that things will turn around for him.
Here are the revisions I suggest:
Young Love and Other Concerns.
-->
Young Love and Other Concerns
He thought he'd been in love with Ce-Ce from high school and Kelly from during his first year at Southern,
-->
He thought he'd been in love with Ce-Ce from high school and Kelly from during his first year at Southern.
she had two more semesters and would graduate the following December, [delete line break before "following"]
In spite of the fact that we think of St Nicholas as good,
-->
In spite of the fact that we think of St. Nicholas as good,
I wrote up a nice ad with the heading, 'Free to a good home"
-->
I wrote up a nice ad with the heading, "Free to a good home."
We wished him the best and hoped that he would ... [remove line break before "hoped"]
Jekyll Island is a 240 acre island...
-->
Jekyll Island is a 240-acre island...
I'm wasn't sure how much longer...
-->
I wasn't sure how much longer...
***
Poor Nick, the dog! Too rambunctious for his own good. I hope he found a good home, or was found by a dog whisperer. Maybe you should have brought him to Connie's former teacher, the exorcist? Lol. I think he just needed the right trainer.
Comment Written 20-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much Mary Kay. I always appreciate your help and your comments. Someone suggested I change the name of the story to One Down And Three To Go. What do you think? I love your comment about the dog and the exorcist teacher.
Beth
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Hi again Beth. I just remembered that I never replied to this.
Someone told me that the FanStory software has a glitch that puts the extra line breaks in at odd places, and the authors have no control over it. It hasn't happened to me yet, but I have no reason to doubt it. So in the future, when I see line breaks, mid-sentence, where they don't belong, I won't bother you about them, unless you want me to. I don't want to pester you about something that's beyond your control.
"One Down and Three to Go" would be a cute name, but I think it might apply to only a narrow window of time in your story, so it could prove to be a confusing title. I always liked "Remembering Yesterday," because I have never heard of any other memoir or autobiography by that title -- and I like the way you're using the word "yesterday" in such a broad, sweeping sense; it's the prime of your life. It's certainly an appropriate title for this individual chapter, but I don't think it would apply to all of it.
You liked that one about the dog and the exorcist teacher? Yeah, I thought that was funny, too ;-)
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear Beth, I am thinking your phrase "one down and two to go" really describes this chapter best. One child finishing college, and the other suffering a broken love affair.
I am looking forward to hear, If and when Carol and Christi have their first crush.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Dear Beth, I am thinking your phrase "one down and two to go" really describes this chapter best. One child finishing college, and the other suffering a broken love affair.
I am looking forward to hear, If and when Carol and Christi have their first crush.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for the review and comments. You are right. I may need to rename my story. One down and Tree to Go. Carol was suffering some heartache over her half Korean friend, Tommy, at this time.
Beth
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
The intervals of love that our children experience can wear us out with worry. It is best to not be too observant at these times. You certainly had a few unpleasant instances. You didn't have much luck with dogs, it seems. One down in the graduating department left much to be desired, as far as retiring. You two had your hands full.
Ralf
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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The intervals of love that our children experience can wear us out with worry. It is best to not be too observant at these times. You certainly had a few unpleasant instances. You didn't have much luck with dogs, it seems. One down in the graduating department left much to be desired, as far as retiring. You two had your hands full.
Ralf
Comment Written 19-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2020
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Thank you so much for the review and great comments. Yes, I got less observant as time went on. By the time Connie became a teenager, I tried not to know too much of what was going. As to dogs, we had some real problems for a while. I have a stand alone humorous piece called "Perils of Pet Owner" It included Nick and some worse stories. I'll revive it soon.
Beth
Comment from Goodadvicechan
This is a family story. There are many characters. The author is good story teller, so it is easy to follow the story. At times I like to see the author tells a little bit detailed drama about the characters. It will be more encouraging for the readers to have the urge to read on to find out more about what is going to happen next or how the character handles the drama.
I hope you do not mind about the suggestion.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2020
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This is a family story. There are many characters. The author is good story teller, so it is easy to follow the story. At times I like to see the author tells a little bit detailed drama about the characters. It will be more encouraging for the readers to have the urge to read on to find out more about what is going to happen next or how the character handles the drama.
I hope you do not mind about the suggestion.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the review. It isn't easy for new readers to understand what is going on here. Those who read all of them to read to find out what will happen nest. This is more of journal that like a novel so you'll only get the drama from time to time. Only new readers give the lower rating but I understand. I do have short stories of some of the same incidences where there is more detail and drama.
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Sorry, it is hard to come in the middle of a novel...
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No problem. I hope you read more. Much of what happens in one period of time gets more attention in later chapters.
Beth
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Another captivating episode--hilarious about the dog--my (pseudo)step-dog is just like Nick. Her 200 lb. owner can't control her.
the reason behind the dogs [DOG'S] name
on a lease [LEASH]
Nike [NICK] needed a new home.
Then we went to Jekyll Island [COMMA] which is a barrier Island off the coast of Georgia [COMMA] and spent a couple of days.
It's [ITS] historic district is known as Millionaires [MILLIONARES'] Village.
Connie enjoyed the beach and playground equipment which [THAT] was there for children to use.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2020
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Another captivating episode--hilarious about the dog--my (pseudo)step-dog is just like Nick. Her 200 lb. owner can't control her.
the reason behind the dogs [DOG'S] name
on a lease [LEASH]
Nike [NICK] needed a new home.
Then we went to Jekyll Island [COMMA] which is a barrier Island off the coast of Georgia [COMMA] and spent a couple of days.
It's [ITS] historic district is known as Millionaires [MILLIONARES'] Village.
Connie enjoyed the beach and playground equipment which [THAT] was there for children to use.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2020
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2020
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Thank you for the review and comments. I glad you were the first to see this. I hate it when someone who counts off point sees my typos.
Beth
