Football - A Novel
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Football Chapter 9 part 1"A mother faces life's struggles.
26 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Lots of excitement in this household. I sure hope that they find the cat and the dog who did it. Moving is a big chore. Whether or not they put the furniture together and place the boxes in the correct rooms is debatable.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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Lots of excitement in this household. I sure hope that they find the cat and the dog who did it. Moving is a big chore. Whether or not they put the furniture together and place the boxes in the correct rooms is debatable.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2021
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WOW!!!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good image and chapter to
go with it, Barbara.
-I enjoyed reading it, but poor Katherine.
-I think she is in the midst of Murphy's Law!
-She can't seem to get a break, even from the movers!
-It's a good thing Gabriel is around and
knows the town and people.
-I like the ending as the two of them share
a little banter about who was or wasn't butting in!
-I think Katherine deserves a day at the local spa!
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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-A good image and chapter to
go with it, Barbara.
-I enjoyed reading it, but poor Katherine.
-I think she is in the midst of Murphy's Law!
-She can't seem to get a break, even from the movers!
-It's a good thing Gabriel is around and
knows the town and people.
-I like the ending as the two of them share
a little banter about who was or wasn't butting in!
-I think Katherine deserves a day at the local spa!
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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I do hope Katherine gets a special day. Thank you for the kind review.
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You are very welcome, and I am glad you agree about Katherine's special day! I am sure it will take a while to get there:)
Comment from Wendy G
Yes, the story continues to read well, and it still encourages the reader to want further chapters. I hope you don't mind that I am not offering 'positive suggestions' for improvement, but I am enjoying your style of writing as it is, enough drama to be interesting, no bad language, and it feels like I am watching episodes in their lives. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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Yes, the story continues to read well, and it still encourages the reader to want further chapters. I hope you don't mind that I am not offering 'positive suggestions' for improvement, but I am enjoying your style of writing as it is, enough drama to be interesting, no bad language, and it feels like I am watching episodes in their lives. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from eliz100
Great job in moving your story along. You left me the reader hanging, wondering who killed the cat. I would appreciate a little more framework of how Katherine got hurt x2.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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Great job in moving your story along. You left me the reader hanging, wondering who killed the cat. I would appreciate a little more framework of how Katherine got hurt x2.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. We will find out about the cat, much later.
Comment from Sanku
A feel good chapter .It is very comforting to see that people are willing to chip in to help a damsel in distress. Movers are like this I think.Enjoyed the chapter...
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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A feel good chapter .It is very comforting to see that people are willing to chip in to help a damsel in distress. Movers are like this I think.Enjoyed the chapter...
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from w.j.debi
Those movers are not very nice. I've never hired movers so I can only imagine how frustrated Katherine must feel with everything just being dumped in front of her house. Grrr. Thankfully, Gabe comes to the rescue.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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Those movers are not very nice. I've never hired movers so I can only imagine how frustrated Katherine must feel with everything just being dumped in front of her house. Grrr. Thankfully, Gabe comes to the rescue.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the kind review. I have. Being military we moved often and most of the time my husband was deployed, so I had to do it myself, with 4 boys.
Comment from thaities, Rebecca V.
Oh, does it ever work! This chapter is very informative as well as entertaining. Movers are the pits. I've been there and can relate. Again, a well written post. Loved it!
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Oh, does it ever work! This chapter is very informative as well as entertaining. Movers are the pits. I've been there and can relate. Again, a well written post. Loved it!
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I've been there too. Being a military spouse, I've moved often and many times by myself with the boys. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jaime Deagle
I found the character to be interesting and engaging. The dialogue seemed natural. The characters draw you into the story. Overall a well-crafted piece. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I found the character to be interesting and engaging. The dialogue seemed natural. The characters draw you into the story. Overall a well-crafted piece. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Jay Squires
I admire the way you handle dialogue and description when there are a lot of characters in a scene. It usually runs quite smoothly.
I did have a problem with one paragraph:
Gabriel offered his hand. "Hello, Eugene." He glanced at the officer and offered his hand. [Does he need to offer his hand twice? Oh, and it's confusing who Eugene is. Sorry, Barbara, but this seems a confusing paragraph.]
Took the ice and placed one on her hand. [HE? took the ice ...]
Looking forward to the continuing novel.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I admire the way you handle dialogue and description when there are a lot of characters in a scene. It usually runs quite smoothly.
I did have a problem with one paragraph:
Gabriel offered his hand. "Hello, Eugene." He glanced at the officer and offered his hand. [Does he need to offer his hand twice? Oh, and it's confusing who Eugene is. Sorry, Barbara, but this seems a confusing paragraph.]
Took the ice and placed one on her hand. [HE? took the ice ...]
Looking forward to the continuing novel.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I changed the ice sentence numerous times and still didn't get it right. I have worked a little on the greeting. I will ponder it some more. Thank you for the kind review and the help.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I just love this chapter this is the calm before the storm. I laughed reading this paragraph:"
Bill grinned. "You'll get accused of pushing your way in again."
"Probably, but she needs help."
"How about waiting until she asks?"
"She'd never ask. I'll risk the anger." Gabriel walked away. "Let's get some conditioning started."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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I just love this chapter this is the calm before the storm. I laughed reading this paragraph:"
Bill grinned. "You'll get accused of pushing your way in again."
"Probably, but she needs help."
"How about waiting until she asks?"
"She'd never ask. I'll risk the anger." Gabriel walked away. "Let's get some conditioning started."
Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 03-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2021
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Thank you for the kind review.
