Lost Love Never Forgotten
Some things, good or bad, live with us forever.18 total reviews
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I love your story, it talks about beautiful times and the love for water that cannot be replaced, even it brings back painful memories. I like how you introduce the tragic and culmination moment" : "It was their anniversary; a day from Heaven. The warm, glistening sun danced across the water's surface. Layla, his beautiful bride of 2 years, insisted they celebrate with a picnic on the boat. Charlie was against it, but he could never resist her." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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I love your story, it talks about beautiful times and the love for water that cannot be replaced, even it brings back painful memories. I like how you introduce the tragic and culmination moment" : "It was their anniversary; a day from Heaven. The warm, glistening sun danced across the water's surface. Layla, his beautiful bride of 2 years, insisted they celebrate with a picnic on the boat. Charlie was against it, but he could never resist her." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Iza, I am pleased that you enjoyed my story and especially the emotions twisted amongst the setting. Thank you for taking your time to read and share your thoughts too. Smiles to you!
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great take on the contest. This is a poignant and painful memory, well drawn - and in under 250 words!
Well done and I wish you good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Great take on the contest. This is a poignant and painful memory, well drawn - and in under 250 words!
Well done and I wish you good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy and comment on my contest entry. I am grateful for your kind words. Smiles to you!
Comment from muffinmama
Well that was an unexpected punch to the gut. Well done in keeping the surprise. His absolute misery is heartbreaking.
The piece needs some slight editing. I'll go in the order of the story.
- 'but he hadn't noticed' should be 'but he didn't notice'; the perfect tense is not correct here
- 'Sitting on the patio, staring at the water, lost in thought, was Charlie's every day routine for the last 5 years.' As it is now, there are just too many phrases in a row. I would try the following: 'Sitting on the patio and staring at the water, lost in thought, was Charlie's every day routine for the last 5 years.' Also in this instance, 'everyday' (the adjective) is the correct form.
- 'Everyday, he would remember.' This should be 'Every day, he would remember.'
Good luck in the contest!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Well that was an unexpected punch to the gut. Well done in keeping the surprise. His absolute misery is heartbreaking.
The piece needs some slight editing. I'll go in the order of the story.
- 'but he hadn't noticed' should be 'but he didn't notice'; the perfect tense is not correct here
- 'Sitting on the patio, staring at the water, lost in thought, was Charlie's every day routine for the last 5 years.' As it is now, there are just too many phrases in a row. I would try the following: 'Sitting on the patio and staring at the water, lost in thought, was Charlie's every day routine for the last 5 years.' Also in this instance, 'everyday' (the adjective) is the correct form.
- 'Everyday, he would remember.' This should be 'Every day, he would remember.'
Good luck in the contest!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read and commenting. I was already correcting your suggestions, but appreciate you pointing them out. It's been a while since I have written so I'm still a bit rusty. I believe your thoughts are corrected now. Maybe you will consider modifying your review. Smiles to you!
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I wasn't aware that reviews could be adjusted after the fact.
Comment from phill doran
Hello Anon
This is really good. A whole story in a snap shot, and I make it 250 words exactly.
You have used the back-story to explain the present story neatly. And it is emotionally engaging - a very enjoyable read (for me).
I do think you need to swap your 'everyday' with your 'every day' - "...Charlie's every day routine..." I think should be "...everyday..." whereas "...Everyday, he would remember..." should be two words, "...every day..." These are small points (and I think it might be "...fast-moving..." with a hyphen).
Overall though, a good read; a well written, compact storyline and a clever end scene.
I wish you well in your contest and with your further writing.
Cheers
phill
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Hello Anon
This is really good. A whole story in a snap shot, and I make it 250 words exactly.
You have used the back-story to explain the present story neatly. And it is emotionally engaging - a very enjoyable read (for me).
I do think you need to swap your 'everyday' with your 'every day' - "...Charlie's every day routine..." I think should be "...everyday..." whereas "...Everyday, he would remember..." should be two words, "...every day..." These are small points (and I think it might be "...fast-moving..." with a hyphen).
Overall though, a good read; a well written, compact storyline and a clever end scene.
I wish you well in your contest and with your further writing.
Cheers
phill
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you for stopping by to read and enjoy my contest entry. I will take a look at your suggestions and see if I can remedy them. Best in the New Year to you. Smiles and good day!
Comment from TommyWrites
This is a really sad piece and yet it has a good message in it. We never know what will happen in this life, one instant we can be sailing along with our loved ones, and the next they can get washed away in the tides of life.
Even though this piece is sad, I think it's very well written and a great contest entry.
Best of luck & thank you for sharing!
TommyWrites~
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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This is a really sad piece and yet it has a good message in it. We never know what will happen in this life, one instant we can be sailing along with our loved ones, and the next they can get washed away in the tides of life.
Even though this piece is sad, I think it's very well written and a great contest entry.
Best of luck & thank you for sharing!
TommyWrites~
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Though I have been blessed, I have seen and struggled through many tough times. Reaching within me, I often draw on those moments, happy and sad. Thank you for your kind words and for reading, enjoying and commenting on my contest entry. Smiles to you!
Comment from Myra Allen
Hi this is a very good story and I like the way it ends with some understanding from those who look after Charlie. The atmosphere on the boat and the consequences is very well created.
All the best
Myra
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Hi this is a very good story and I like the way it ends with some understanding from those who look after Charlie. The atmosphere on the boat and the consequences is very well created.
All the best
Myra
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you for stopping by and reading my contest entry. I truly appreciate your kind words and best wishes. Smiles to you!
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Wow. I'm sorry that you lost your wife in the second anniversary celebration in a boat accident. If this is true, you have my deepest condolence.
This story is very moving and you did a good job using only 250 words.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Wow. I'm sorry that you lost your wife in the second anniversary celebration in a boat accident. If this is true, you have my deepest condolence.
This story is very moving and you did a good job using only 250 words.
Well done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Fortunately, though I have lost my husband, this story is definitely a writer's attempt at entering a contest. I'm pleased that you were moved by my words. Thank you for the kind words and good luck you shared with me. Smiles to you!
Comment from Anne Johnston
A very well written story. Memories that live in our minds forever. Dreams keep them alive, whether they are good or bad. In this case, they brought regrets, wishing things could be different, but knowing they could not be changed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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A very well written story. Memories that live in our minds forever. Dreams keep them alive, whether they are good or bad. In this case, they brought regrets, wishing things could be different, but knowing they could not be changed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2021
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Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to read my contest entry. My thoughts are that even we are sad and wish things could be different; in time we will find peace in the good memories. Smiles to you!
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You are welcome
