Magic moments
Free verse29 total reviews
Comment from Susan Larson
Oh, how heavenly reading this poem that could actually be all about me in my youth when I grew up on a Great Lake. Then your ending grabbed me. While I never cut my foot on broken glass, I do know people whose feet were burned with cigarettes that were not put out. Disgusting! I hope you merely disgusted by the bottle and not actually cut by it.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Oh, how heavenly reading this poem that could actually be all about me in my youth when I grew up on a Great Lake. Then your ending grabbed me. While I never cut my foot on broken glass, I do know people whose feet were burned with cigarettes that were not put out. Disgusting! I hope you merely disgusted by the bottle and not actually cut by it.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thank you very much for these glittering stars i am honoured with. Littering is a curse we have to live with .When will people learn or will they ever?Thanks once again for this six star review.
Comment from Boogienights
Noooo...what a terrible ending to a perfect dream. Most all of my dreams seem to end up that way. This is an interesting and unique free verse, best of luck in the contest.:)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Noooo...what a terrible ending to a perfect dream. Most all of my dreams seem to end up that way. This is an interesting and unique free verse, best of luck in the contest.:)
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thank you very much for this review.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Congrats on your prize! Not surprised. Cheers. LIZ
Stunning bait-and-switch. Those softly sighing waves and whispering winds then OUCH. The broken bottle broke the magic--clever repetition of broken. (sugg: for alliteration--tingling toes vs feet.)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Congrats on your prize! Not surprised. Cheers. LIZ
Stunning bait-and-switch. Those softly sighing waves and whispering winds then OUCH. The broken bottle broke the magic--clever repetition of broken. (sugg: for alliteration--tingling toes vs feet.)
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thank you very much for this honour .I used your suggestion .Thanks again.
Comment from robyn corum
Sanku,
I thought that was pretty clever, allowing the bottle to be washed ashore. So many of the images I have seen regarding pollution in our bodies of water shows the fish and creatures tangled up and dying. This kinda brought it all back home to the humans who made the mess. Sometimes I think that unless they are DIRECTLY affected, some humans just don't care.
Of course, I'm sure it wasn't THIS person who dropped that bottle in the ocean in the first place. So sad. Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Sanku,
I thought that was pretty clever, allowing the bottle to be washed ashore. So many of the images I have seen regarding pollution in our bodies of water shows the fish and creatures tangled up and dying. This kinda brought it all back home to the humans who made the mess. Sometimes I think that unless they are DIRECTLY affected, some humans just don't care.
Of course, I'm sure it wasn't THIS person who dropped that bottle in the ocean in the first place. So sad. Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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You are right .Unless one is directly affected it is all just theory ,But littering anywhere is a shame .It is rampant in India.Thanks for stopping by.
Comment from Patricia Cammish
Nicely presented poem and complementary illustration. I must say that I share your dream.
You have chosen a potentially beautiful subject but also commented on an all too common and sad situation that our modern life is bringing about in our beautiful world.
A couple of points:- you need a capital 'I' in your second verse.
I think 'pre-dawn' is usually hyphenated.
Your poem reads nicely with smooth onomatapoeia making your change of language in the last stanza more effective.
Perhaps omitting the verb in the last line (as in the previous line) might make it even more so .
Just a thought.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Nicely presented poem and complementary illustration. I must say that I share your dream.
You have chosen a potentially beautiful subject but also commented on an all too common and sad situation that our modern life is bringing about in our beautiful world.
A couple of points:- you need a capital 'I' in your second verse.
I think 'pre-dawn' is usually hyphenated.
Your poem reads nicely with smooth onomatapoeia making your change of language in the last stanza more effective.
Perhaps omitting the verb in the last line (as in the previous line) might make it even more so .
Just a thought.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thank you very much for the suggestions s and thanks for the detailed review.I have used your sugestions
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Magic moments over, at dawn in the sea beach, you came into reality seeing blood; a little carelessness brings losses; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this poem. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Magic moments over, at dawn in the sea beach, you came into reality seeing blood; a little carelessness brings losses; well said, well done; thanks for sharing this poem. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written free verse poem about the magical moments alone on the beach until the hottie breaks and cut your toes the moment becomes reality when you see the blood.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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A very well-written free verse poem about the magical moments alone on the beach until the hottie breaks and cut your toes the moment becomes reality when you see the blood.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thank you very much
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Sanku:
My dream world is surely a place either on the beach or within
walking distance of a beach. I used to love writing at dawn while
sitting on the shore - quite inspiring - my muse loved it. Good
luck in the contest.
Rdfrdmom2
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Sanku:
My dream world is surely a place either on the beach or within
walking distance of a beach. I used to love writing at dawn while
sitting on the shore - quite inspiring - my muse loved it. Good
luck in the contest.
Rdfrdmom2
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Sometimes our reverie is interrupted by a mischievous obstacle that nature and humans put in the way of our peaceful moment -
smack...
I stumbled and fell
on a broken bottle
the tides washed ashore.
My toes bleeding,
the magic was broken. - Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Sometimes our reverie is interrupted by a mischievous obstacle that nature and humans put in the way of our peaceful moment -
smack...
I stumbled and fell
on a broken bottle
the tides washed ashore.
My toes bleeding,
the magic was broken. - Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
-
Thank you very much.
