Interrupted
A cautionary tale17 total reviews
Comment from WriterHeather
This is an exceptional entry into the road trip contest. It seems as though you can laugh about it now which Is always nice. I can't imagine how traumatic an experience this must have been
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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This is an exceptional entry into the road trip contest. It seems as though you can laugh about it now which Is always nice. I can't imagine how traumatic an experience this must have been
Comment Written 25-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2021
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I least I kept a cool head..lol. Thanks for reading and reviewing my poem. :)
Comment from Joanne Gill-Maddick
This is a Very nicely written road trip poem. Great flow and rhyme scheme. Nicely done. You were very lucky you all survived and we're okay. So scary. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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This is a Very nicely written road trip poem. Great flow and rhyme scheme. Nicely done. You were very lucky you all survived and we're okay. So scary. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thank you for reading, I appreciate it. :)
Comment from DonandVicki
My father had a similar experience years ago when he was driving to work. He hit a deer so hard, the deer ended up in the passenger seat. My father said if he had landed in the drivers seat he would have gotten out of the car. Not enough room for two drivers.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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My father had a similar experience years ago when he was driving to work. He hit a deer so hard, the deer ended up in the passenger seat. My father said if he had landed in the drivers seat he would have gotten out of the car. Not enough room for two drivers.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Hahaha..your dad is funny. Thank you for reading and making me smile. :)
Comment from Janice Canerdy
Your poem is excellent in every respect--skillfully put-together and vividly descriptive of the day's events, conveying a message about how our plans can be drastically altered by unforeseen events. Glad you weren't injured!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Your poem is excellent in every respect--skillfully put-together and vividly descriptive of the day's events, conveying a message about how our plans can be drastically altered by unforeseen events. Glad you weren't injured!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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My daughter says it gives her PTSD just thinking about it. Thanks for reading my poem. :)
Comment from kmoss
A good entry for the road trip contest.
The following parts didn't read well for me: My husband called, halfway to Bayfield,
said, "Be cautious, that deer might be lurking."
and "We might find out we're in trouble,
if attention we pay, might be shirking."
And
No sweet apple treats did we savor,
no sights to enjoy at the Fest,
just the broken dreams of a road trip,
that didn't turn out quite the best.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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A good entry for the road trip contest.
The following parts didn't read well for me: My husband called, halfway to Bayfield,
said, "Be cautious, that deer might be lurking."
and "We might find out we're in trouble,
if attention we pay, might be shirking."
And
No sweet apple treats did we savor,
no sights to enjoy at the Fest,
just the broken dreams of a road trip,
that didn't turn out quite the best.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem. :)
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Poor thing crashed by the car, and from there crashing your dreams of participating to the festival, and making this road trip a killer. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Poor thing crashed by the car, and from there crashing your dreams of participating to the festival, and making this road trip a killer. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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Thank you for this terrific review and funny pun. Lol :)
Comment from Sharon Nolen
This is so good. It is a very nice poem. It read well. It made me want to read more with each stanza.
I wanted to ask if you meant for this following sentence to read: "The deer it dashed into the deep woods". Did you mean to have "deer it dashed"? It seems it would read better if you took out the "it". Also I think it would have an improved rhythm if you switched the words to say "the deer dashed deep into the woods". What do you think?
Also, I was thinking that the following sentences "All of us never made it to Bayfield, and driven back home by a friend" might read smoother if you would consider changing it to "We never made it to Bayfield, were driven back home by a friend".
Thank you for sharing such a wonderful piece of work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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This is so good. It is a very nice poem. It read well. It made me want to read more with each stanza.
I wanted to ask if you meant for this following sentence to read: "The deer it dashed into the deep woods". Did you mean to have "deer it dashed"? It seems it would read better if you took out the "it". Also I think it would have an improved rhythm if you switched the words to say "the deer dashed deep into the woods". What do you think?
Also, I was thinking that the following sentences "All of us never made it to Bayfield, and driven back home by a friend" might read smoother if you would consider changing it to "We never made it to Bayfield, were driven back home by a friend".
Thank you for sharing such a wonderful piece of work.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2021
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This is why I love FanStory! Because of wonderful writers like you who help me improve. I changed those lines and they are much better. Thank you for this nice review and the good advice. :)
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Frankly, I think you're a wonderful writer. I am honored to be able to make suggestions that may help somehow. You do great work.
