Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Betrayal Chapter 20"In the title.
41 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Sure glad that they found Tania in time. Great story. Enjoy reading the suspense, I guess that's what makes it a mystery with lots of excitement. Good job!
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
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Sure glad that they found Tania in time. Great story. Enjoy reading the suspense, I guess that's what makes it a mystery with lots of excitement. Good job!
Comment Written 13-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
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Goodness me, you have read a lot! Thank you so much, Rosemary. That is so kind of you!! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from DeboraDyess
Hello, stranger. Oh, wait ... I'm the stranger! lol
I'm going to be honest - I don't know if I reviewed this or just read it. Either way, whatever was written here is gone. I inadvertently highlighted it all and then - boom - hit the space bar on my keyboard. I"m having a blond-moment and my hair is brown. And gray. Maybe that's the moment I'm having. A gray moment. lol
So ...
I think the guys would have synchronized their watches before they left the car or even the office. I would.
The thought of Colin hurting her HAD to have entered her head if, only a few moments before, it made him sick to his stomach. I'd change 'never' to 'only recently'.
I don't know that there's enough raw emotion in this, Sandra. Try things like 'his eyes flicked with anger and fear' or 'his voice sounded like a nail on glass' or something that will really paint an image of the emotions the men are feeling. YOu tell us, but ... oh, I hate saying this ... show us.
Icy chills surged through the two men watching. - would this be a new paragraph? New actors, new paragraph, right? I think it's on its own as a paragraph. Maybe. lol
He didn't hear it opening silently behind him sounds pretty benign. What about giving it its own paragraph and saying something like 'it swung silently open behind him. I think that would carry more oomph. :)
dribbled from the side of his mouth where Grant had - What about 'dribbled from his now-toothless top gum' ?
You've used 'ambulance' three times in a short span. Is there another word? Emergency vehicle, maybe? EMTs or EMS? Not sure what y'all call them. :)
again with 'colin's face' and 'Grant's face' in the next bit. But I do love that their mother might have something to say about Grant rearranging Colin's face! Made it feel personable and real. What guy doesn't worry about what mom thinks!
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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Hello, stranger. Oh, wait ... I'm the stranger! lol
I'm going to be honest - I don't know if I reviewed this or just read it. Either way, whatever was written here is gone. I inadvertently highlighted it all and then - boom - hit the space bar on my keyboard. I"m having a blond-moment and my hair is brown. And gray. Maybe that's the moment I'm having. A gray moment. lol
So ...
I think the guys would have synchronized their watches before they left the car or even the office. I would.
The thought of Colin hurting her HAD to have entered her head if, only a few moments before, it made him sick to his stomach. I'd change 'never' to 'only recently'.
I don't know that there's enough raw emotion in this, Sandra. Try things like 'his eyes flicked with anger and fear' or 'his voice sounded like a nail on glass' or something that will really paint an image of the emotions the men are feeling. YOu tell us, but ... oh, I hate saying this ... show us.
Icy chills surged through the two men watching. - would this be a new paragraph? New actors, new paragraph, right? I think it's on its own as a paragraph. Maybe. lol
He didn't hear it opening silently behind him sounds pretty benign. What about giving it its own paragraph and saying something like 'it swung silently open behind him. I think that would carry more oomph. :)
dribbled from the side of his mouth where Grant had - What about 'dribbled from his now-toothless top gum' ?
You've used 'ambulance' three times in a short span. Is there another word? Emergency vehicle, maybe? EMTs or EMS? Not sure what y'all call them. :)
again with 'colin's face' and 'Grant's face' in the next bit. But I do love that their mother might have something to say about Grant rearranging Colin's face! Made it feel personable and real. What guy doesn't worry about what mom thinks!
Comment Written 16-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2021
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LOL, I hate that part when it's finished and I have to go right through it again. But at least you've got one done. Let me know when it's published so I can buy a copy and leave a review.
No, not quite finished yet, so any nits you find, or anything you think will improve it, let me know. I'd be so grateful. Welcome back!! Lol warm hugs. Sandra xxx
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Are you on Goodreads? I listed you as one of my favorite authors and Betrayal as a book Im reading as an ARC. That's kinda true... lol
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Oh! Wow, thank you, Debs! That is so nice of you! Yes I am, and now you've mentioned it, it's time I went and updated my profile. Bless your heart, you've made my day!! Love you lots!!!
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Glad I gave you an encouragement! And you're still invited for tea anytime! :)
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Glad I gave you encouragement! And you're still invited for tea anytime!
Comment from Begin Again
Bravo! The A-Team to the rescue...almost a bit too far but he had every blow coming. Wonder what secrets Grant knows about his mother...I'm probably about to find out
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Bravo! The A-Team to the rescue...almost a bit too far but he had every blow coming. Wonder what secrets Grant knows about his mother...I'm probably about to find out
Comment Written 13-Mar-2021
Comment from robyn corum
Sandra,
Well, I told you I'd get by. I'm just a wee bit later than I expected - oh, but only by a week, so is that good or bad? At least I kept my promise, so there's something to be said for that, right???
This was an intense chapter and much to be enjoyed despite the nastiness involved in the rescue. It occurred to me that Grant could have gotten in a lot of trouble here with the law depending on how all the stories went, you know? If there were any discrepancies whatsoever or ...idk... any issues at all, there could be some serious problems.
It occurred to me that if you had interjected a friend a while ago that he could be talking with from time to time, by phone OR in person (you could decide on the relationship - how close it could be). I mean a lot of military folks go into police work afterward, right?
Anyway, Grant could let this guy know about what's going on as things are unfolding - maybe even get the tracking device from him (idk -just tossing ideas around) ... but my point is that when the deal goes down - this police/undercover/off-duty cop-guy could be on-scene. That way, Grant would have all his bases covered on the law side of things.
Just thinking out loud. Yours to toss - hahaha
Thanks - and on to the next~
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
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Sandra,
Well, I told you I'd get by. I'm just a wee bit later than I expected - oh, but only by a week, so is that good or bad? At least I kept my promise, so there's something to be said for that, right???
This was an intense chapter and much to be enjoyed despite the nastiness involved in the rescue. It occurred to me that Grant could have gotten in a lot of trouble here with the law depending on how all the stories went, you know? If there were any discrepancies whatsoever or ...idk... any issues at all, there could be some serious problems.
It occurred to me that if you had interjected a friend a while ago that he could be talking with from time to time, by phone OR in person (you could decide on the relationship - how close it could be). I mean a lot of military folks go into police work afterward, right?
Anyway, Grant could let this guy know about what's going on as things are unfolding - maybe even get the tracking device from him (idk -just tossing ideas around) ... but my point is that when the deal goes down - this police/undercover/off-duty cop-guy could be on-scene. That way, Grant would have all his bases covered on the law side of things.
Just thinking out loud. Yours to toss - hahaha
Thanks - and on to the next~
Comment Written 13-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2021
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Bless your heart, thank you so much for going back and reading this one. You're absolutely right about the repercussions of Grant's actions. We shall see what happens. :)) I'll also take a look at your suggestion. It's a good one. I do love how you thinl out loud!! LOL. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from muffinmama
Another terrific installment in this thriller. It reads like a TV drama of the FBI/Chicago PD/Hawaii 5-0 type of show.
Just a couple of tiny edits:
- "Their mother will be sure to have something to say about the way he'd rearranged Colin's face." Why did you use "will" and not "would"?
- 'Jeff scooped her up as if she were weightless, moving out the way, as ...' There should be an 'of' between 'out' and 'the'.
Thanks for the excitement!
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2021
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Another terrific installment in this thriller. It reads like a TV drama of the FBI/Chicago PD/Hawaii 5-0 type of show.
Just a couple of tiny edits:
- "Their mother will be sure to have something to say about the way he'd rearranged Colin's face." Why did you use "will" and not "would"?
- 'Jeff scooped her up as if she were weightless, moving out the way, as ...' There should be an 'of' between 'out' and 'the'.
Thanks for the excitement!
Comment Written 11-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2021
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Thank you, Muffinmama. Now that would be something, wouldn't it? I watch all those series, they're good, aren't they. Thank you for pointing out those silly errors, I've made the corrections now. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Cindy Warren
I loved this! You had them find Tania and get her out of there, and Colin got what he deserved. His new face will match his personality. I really liked the part where Carl grabbed Colin from behind and made him let go of Tania. Great job!
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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I loved this! You had them find Tania and get her out of there, and Colin got what he deserved. His new face will match his personality. I really liked the part where Carl grabbed Colin from behind and made him let go of Tania. Great job!
Comment Written 09-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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Aw thank you, Cindy! I'm glad you enjoyed reading about Carl getting his cummupance, lol. Thank you so much for the six stars, that was such a nice surprise to open up with. Sending you a warm hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Sandra:
Tania is safe, at least for now. Colin should be locked up
for a while because I'm not sure anybody is going to be
willing to post bail for him. Even so, I have a feeling there
are bigger fish to fry.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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Sandra:
Tania is safe, at least for now. Colin should be locked up
for a while because I'm not sure anybody is going to be
willing to post bail for him. Even so, I have a feeling there
are bigger fish to fry.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 09-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for this lovely review. Yes, there is more to come! Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from Erika Seshadri
Oh, wow. That was great. Such detailed narration and polished writing. I can see why it is ranked #2 Best of All Time for February.
I look forward to seeing what happens next!
Cheers!
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
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Oh, wow. That was great. Such detailed narration and polished writing. I can see why it is ranked #2 Best of All Time for February.
I look forward to seeing what happens next!
Cheers!
Comment Written 09-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for reading this part, Erika, and the fabulous review. I really do appreciate it. I'm delighted you enjoyed reading it. Warm hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra.
I think most readers will be delighted to see Colin get his comeuppance. His character is delusional, or perhaps demented is the right word.
Grant seems a bit violent himself. If not for Reg, he'd likely be jail himself.
Good thing he's a billionaire with good lawyers. :)
An interesting shift at the end. Seems there is more to the story.
But the shift back to Tania is what the readers will be interested in.
Monica will be relieved to hear Tania is safe.
Another tense chapter in Betrayal.
Well done, my friend.
Best wishes.
Robert
A few typos:
As Carl grabbed Colin from behind, the sudden[n]ess (I think you need another "n.")
until Reg stepped[ ]in to try a (delete extra space)
they[ ]stretchered
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
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Hello Sandra.
I think most readers will be delighted to see Colin get his comeuppance. His character is delusional, or perhaps demented is the right word.
Grant seems a bit violent himself. If not for Reg, he'd likely be jail himself.
Good thing he's a billionaire with good lawyers. :)
An interesting shift at the end. Seems there is more to the story.
But the shift back to Tania is what the readers will be interested in.
Monica will be relieved to hear Tania is safe.
Another tense chapter in Betrayal.
Well done, my friend.
Best wishes.
Robert
A few typos:
As Carl grabbed Colin from behind, the sudden[n]ess (I think you need another "n.")
until Reg stepped[ ]in to try a (delete extra space)
they[ ]stretchered
Comment Written 09-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much for another six star review, Robert! I've corrected that spelling mistake, you were the only one to spot it! And I've sorted the extra spaces. You'll be seeing a lot more of Tania, as she improves, and Grant. There will also be a little more of Colin, and a few revelations. I'm glad this part is over, though. It took me ages trying to get these last parts right. I think It will be more of Eric's books, and perhaps a Mildred book in the future. Thanks again, my friend, your support means so much to me, I'd be lost without you and Pam. Sandra xx
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Eric and Mildred. Yay!!!
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LOL!
Comment from alexisleech
When I read the title to this chapter, I was almost disappointed, because I thought the book was about to end. Never, in a million years, did I think it would end up heralding a new beginning - bravo! A glimpse into Grant's past was just what the doctor ordered after such a frenzied and violent scene, and you nailed it.
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
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When I read the title to this chapter, I was almost disappointed, because I thought the book was about to end. Never, in a million years, did I think it would end up heralding a new beginning - bravo! A glimpse into Grant's past was just what the doctor ordered after such a frenzied and violent scene, and you nailed it.
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 09-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2021
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Thank you so much, Alexis, for another of your wonderful reviews, and the six star award. No the story isn't finished yet, we have a bit more excited and some other things. :)) I hope you're not snowed in? It's freezing cold here but we don't have any snow. Sending you a hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
