Blended Reality
Viewing comments for Chapter 29 "Experiences with death"A collection of stories: Some True, some not
14 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
You've written about a difficult subject, and I'm glad that you shared your many experiences with death, or near death. It's written as in a journal. I'm going to make some suggestions that might tighten it up and make it more readable by others. I hope it is helpful.
One thing you need to watch for are incomplete sentences, such as these:
"His funeral, held in a Catholic memorial service and attended by ninety people."
"While, at the time, you are functioning robotically."
"Being aware and focused on a white light."
To fix these you need to either attach them to a previous or following sentence or add a subject and verb to them to make them complete. I think if you read them out loud as you see them here, you will understand.
The next two phrases from separate sentences just have little typos:
"pastorally lushes (LUSH)"
"I felt a tug to just get up a (AND) walk..."
You've got good stories. Keep on writing, and ask me if you need clarification.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
   |
You've written about a difficult subject, and I'm glad that you shared your many experiences with death, or near death. It's written as in a journal. I'm going to make some suggestions that might tighten it up and make it more readable by others. I hope it is helpful.
One thing you need to watch for are incomplete sentences, such as these:
"His funeral, held in a Catholic memorial service and attended by ninety people."
"While, at the time, you are functioning robotically."
"Being aware and focused on a white light."
To fix these you need to either attach them to a previous or following sentence or add a subject and verb to them to make them complete. I think if you read them out loud as you see them here, you will understand.
The next two phrases from separate sentences just have little typos:
"pastorally lushes (LUSH)"
"I felt a tug to just get up a (AND) walk..."
You've got good stories. Keep on writing, and ask me if you need clarification.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
-
Judy, thank you for the great coaching tips.I value your input.
-
Glad to be of help.
Comment from BethShelby
I enjoyed your true story and find your thought of death interesting. I guess we all have experience the loss of those we love and have hopes of seeing them again. Your near death experiences are interesting.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
|
I enjoyed your true story and find your thought of death interesting. I guess we all have experience the loss of those we love and have hopes of seeing them again. Your near death experiences are interesting.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
-
Thanks Beth, I appreciate your time given to read and comment.
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Compelling and thought-provoking musing on the sundry ramifications of death--literal and metaphorical--interesting that you lost the urge to drink--I thought most struggle to remain abstinent "one day at a time." Startling renditions of NDEs!
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
|
Compelling and thought-provoking musing on the sundry ramifications of death--literal and metaphorical--interesting that you lost the urge to drink--I thought most struggle to remain abstinent "one day at a time." Startling renditions of NDEs!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2021
-
Elizabeth, interesting no...Higher Power sent freedom YES . The first 90-days were what I would expect would be literally living at the doorstep of Hell, After that gone with the wind......And I am grateful "One day at a time" now for 37 years.
Comment from Jimmy Hogg
This is brilliant, I loved it. It feels almost churlish to review something this personal, as though it should remain untouched somehow.
I would say this though- I think there are 3 or 4 or more stand alone stories in here, or a much longer more detailed piece that is waiting to be teased out.
Your tone in great. Good luck, please keep on writing!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
|
This is brilliant, I loved it. It feels almost churlish to review something this personal, as though it should remain untouched somehow.
I would say this though- I think there are 3 or 4 or more stand alone stories in here, or a much longer more detailed piece that is waiting to be teased out.
Your tone in great. Good luck, please keep on writing!
Comment Written 18-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2021
-
Jimmy, wow...thank you. I haven't written too much pose. I am more of a free verse poet. I have thought about taking some writing class.
Comment from 4theloveoftrees
A wonderful story even though it's not a wonderful topic. I used have a very hard time with death. It's only after I really began believing in the afterlife and/or that we go to an incredibly peaceful happy place and that we all have a time after we've served our purpose here, whatever that may be. Thanks for sharing, this was a good read.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
|
A wonderful story even though it's not a wonderful topic. I used have a very hard time with death. It's only after I really began believing in the afterlife and/or that we go to an incredibly peaceful happy place and that we all have a time after we've served our purpose here, whatever that may be. Thanks for sharing, this was a good read.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
-
Thank you, death is just another doorway to freedom from this finiteness and duality of life on earth.
Comment from Mastery
You have done unbelievably well in writing this essay, Jim. The imagery and storytelling facet of the entire piece is emotionally charged thanks to the realistic portrayal you give this piece. Bless you. I often wonder about my hereafter and sometimes feel rather anxious to get it over wwith. If that makes any sense to you. :) Bob
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
|
You have done unbelievably well in writing this essay, Jim. The imagery and storytelling facet of the entire piece is emotionally charged thanks to the realistic portrayal you give this piece. Bless you. I often wonder about my hereafter and sometimes feel rather anxious to get it over wwith. If that makes any sense to you. :) Bob
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
-
Bob, for way too many years....I was caught in the death grip ( no pun intended) of dying. I carried so much garbage around in my head. Raised Catholic, I thought I was damned eternally. Then I through the my Higher powers grace came to understand that God breathed his breath into me on my first breath, therefore I was/am a child of God and God lives in my very DNA. So I can come to the death fully knowing, I AM will receive me back from where I began.
-
Good, Jim. Bob
Comment from lyenochka
Thank you for sharing your amazing stories. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's passing and no one in your family giving the proper way to grieve. I also can't understand why none of your family members attended your grandfather's passing. Great message about the Hope we have beyond this world because the Lord Jesus, the Light, will be there to receive us. I also like that you show us we die to our old spiritual self when we are saved. Great story and I hope you do well in the contest!
Suggested changes:
His funeral, held in a Catholic memorial service, attended by ninety people.
[missing a verb or helping verb; suggest to change to ]
His funeral was held in a Catholic memorial service and attended by ninety people.
come to grips with his loss. (my loss)
I ask what do think _____ is doing today. (I ask, "What do you think _____ is doing today?"
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
|
Thank you for sharing your amazing stories. I'm so sorry to hear about your brother's passing and no one in your family giving the proper way to grieve. I also can't understand why none of your family members attended your grandfather's passing. Great message about the Hope we have beyond this world because the Lord Jesus, the Light, will be there to receive us. I also like that you show us we die to our old spiritual self when we are saved. Great story and I hope you do well in the contest!
Suggested changes:
His funeral, held in a Catholic memorial service, attended by ninety people.
[missing a verb or helping verb; suggest to change to ]
His funeral was held in a Catholic memorial service and attended by ninety people.
come to grips with his loss. (my loss)
I ask what do think _____ is doing today. (I ask, "What do you think _____ is doing today?"
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
-
Your to kind, thank you.
Comment from Lyn Peters
Your True Story Contest entry is so compelling, JLR, thank you for sharing this with your readers. You packed so much into this piece - it was a compelling read. Wish you all the best with your contest entry.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
|
Your True Story Contest entry is so compelling, JLR, thank you for sharing this with your readers. You packed so much into this piece - it was a compelling read. Wish you all the best with your contest entry.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2021
-
Lyn , thank you,
Comment from Susan Larson
What a heartfelt story of your encounters with death and how they affected you. I'm so sorry about your not seeing your grandfather before he died. Last November I had plans to visit my brother. He died a week before my anticipated arrival. My empathy for you.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
|
What a heartfelt story of your encounters with death and how they affected you. I'm so sorry about your not seeing your grandfather before he died. Last November I had plans to visit my brother. He died a week before my anticipated arrival. My empathy for you.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
-
Susan thank you, I read somewhere that death cheats those that remain behind of precious memories, this is so true.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear JLR, you have posted here, a most revealing true story. And you are right, there are many ways to die, other than being taken to a morgue. Those entrapped by alcohol or drugs are only physical ones. I pity most, those who are entrapped by their own Memories or emotions.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
|
Dear JLR, you have posted here, a most revealing true story. And you are right, there are many ways to die, other than being taken to a morgue. Those entrapped by alcohol or drugs are only physical ones. I pity most, those who are entrapped by their own Memories or emotions.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2021
-
So do I, many Viet Nam vets were not as lucky as I was and have been.
