Hawkshaw: Chapter 1
This Chapter Introduces The Main Character27 total reviews
Comment from GE Parson
Hi Bret,
Good start n your new story. You have a talented way with putting words together so that what's being said to each other, is easily followed. Looking forward to the next edition
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Hi Bret,
Good start n your new story. You have a talented way with putting words together so that what's being said to each other, is easily followed. Looking forward to the next edition
Comment Written 25-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Much appreciate the review.
Comment from nomi338
I don't know where you are going with this exactly, but you have got my attention and I am willing to follow along to see what develops. I love your expressions so far 'patch eye' is one I have not heard in some time. It gave me a chuckle.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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I don't know where you are going with this exactly, but you have got my attention and I am willing to follow along to see what develops. I love your expressions so far 'patch eye' is one I have not heard in some time. It gave me a chuckle.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Appreciate the review.
Comment from F. William Lester
An interesting story, but confusing. To begin with, there wasn't a hook in the opening paragraph. An opening line that drew me in and made me want to continue reading. You said you were going to introduce the main character, but I still don't know who he is. I know he is about 15 or 16, blond hair, getting a scene style, but no name or other distinguishing personality characteristics. What is the conflict or where is the story going? It's evident the town is a hole with some quirky or unsavory characters. The last two paragraphs appeared to veer off in a different direction, especially the last one. The last one or two lines were totally confusing. Having said all this, the story has potential. My comments may be harsh, but if you're going to invest the time and energy into the project, best to catch the issues early before you get too deep. I did find your descriptions well done. Thanks for sharing your work. Good luck; good writing and stay well.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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An interesting story, but confusing. To begin with, there wasn't a hook in the opening paragraph. An opening line that drew me in and made me want to continue reading. You said you were going to introduce the main character, but I still don't know who he is. I know he is about 15 or 16, blond hair, getting a scene style, but no name or other distinguishing personality characteristics. What is the conflict or where is the story going? It's evident the town is a hole with some quirky or unsavory characters. The last two paragraphs appeared to veer off in a different direction, especially the last one. The last one or two lines were totally confusing. Having said all this, the story has potential. My comments may be harsh, but if you're going to invest the time and energy into the project, best to catch the issues early before you get too deep. I did find your descriptions well done. Thanks for sharing your work. Good luck; good writing and stay well.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Appreciate the review and suggestions.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Earl Corp
The picture drew me in. The writing kept my interest. Kind of wondering where the plot goes from here. It's nice to catch a story as it's starting out. Good luck.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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The picture drew me in. The writing kept my interest. Kind of wondering where the plot goes from here. It's nice to catch a story as it's starting out. Good luck.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Much appreciate the review.
Comment from Sanku
Interesting beginning. The hero just escaped punished because he dance shoeless and socks less.. Then the conversation in the bar and the hair cut...
something is going to happen in the old doctors cabin?
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Interesting beginning. The hero just escaped punished because he dance shoeless and socks less.. Then the conversation in the bar and the hair cut...
something is going to happen in the old doctors cabin?
Comment Written 25-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Quite an interesting character that hates shoes, socks and other things that are covering the feet. It seems like a joyful book. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Quite an interesting character that hates shoes, socks and other things that are covering the feet. It seems like a joyful book. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
It's late in the week and I'm all out of bullets, gall-darn-it. It sure disappoints me, because I enjoyed the reading more than I'm able to reward. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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It's late in the week and I'm all out of bullets, gall-darn-it. It sure disappoints me, because I enjoyed the reading more than I'm able to reward. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Appreciate the consideration for the sixer. Your reviews always appreciated.
Comment from country ranch writer
Will be interesting to read where this is going so far it's going no where.we shall see won't we?looking forward to get to see what the next chapter is going to be.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Will be interesting to read where this is going so far it's going no where.we shall see won't we?looking forward to get to see what the next chapter is going to be.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Stay tuned. Much more to follow.
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Smiles
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
From the picture I mistakenly was looking for a kid's chapter book. Does family realize he's running numbers? Paragraph 6 seems like " . .hard wood." should end the sentence. "The dive . . . was seems better than became . . ." "Ain't he the one . . ." don't understand the rest of the sentence, sorry. Don't understand what bartender is talking about either. Is there a tantalizing hint of the mystery/crime that's going to happen? Didn't spot it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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From the picture I mistakenly was looking for a kid's chapter book. Does family realize he's running numbers? Paragraph 6 seems like " . .hard wood." should end the sentence. "The dive . . . was seems better than became . . ." "Ain't he the one . . ." don't understand the rest of the sentence, sorry. Don't understand what bartender is talking about either. Is there a tantalizing hint of the mystery/crime that's going to happen? Didn't spot it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Appreciate the review.
Comment from Jean Lutz1
Back in the day when you could get a haircut without wearing a mask pulled up over you mouth and nose. Bring them back and keep the old sheriff, too. Along with open carry. Love the art and the straight shooter writing.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Back in the day when you could get a haircut without wearing a mask pulled up over you mouth and nose. Bring them back and keep the old sheriff, too. Along with open carry. Love the art and the straight shooter writing.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Glad you enjoyed this chapter. Appreciate the review.
