Outhouse
5/7/5 poem for contest21 total reviews
Comment from Debra White
Hello :)
I really enjoyed your 5-7-5 poem.
The imagery is great! I think I'd rather use a chamber pot than nip out to use that outhouse in the dark!
Really effective use of enjambment to carry the phrasing over lines 2 and 3 and that final line has dual meaning, which is great, whichever way you interpret it.
Excellent presentation.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra :)
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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Hello :)
I really enjoyed your 5-7-5 poem.
The imagery is great! I think I'd rather use a chamber pot than nip out to use that outhouse in the dark!
Really effective use of enjambment to carry the phrasing over lines 2 and 3 and that final line has dual meaning, which is great, whichever way you interpret it.
Excellent presentation.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes, Debra :)
Comment Written 18-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
Comment from Patty Palmer
LOL I remember well being little and my grandparents had a cabin up in the Allegheny Mountains. No running water or bathroom. We had to go to the outhouse. I hated that thing. My older brother who was about ten and I was only four years old, told me that I better watch because a snake could come up the hole and bite my bottom. Needless to say, I would hold it for as long as I could. I enjoyed your poem~
Patty
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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LOL I remember well being little and my grandparents had a cabin up in the Allegheny Mountains. No running water or bathroom. We had to go to the outhouse. I hated that thing. My older brother who was about ten and I was only four years old, told me that I better watch because a snake could come up the hole and bite my bottom. Needless to say, I would hold it for as long as I could. I enjoyed your poem~
Patty
Comment Written 18-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
"
full moon shines over
grandfather's rustic outhouse --
chill goes up my shirt
I know how it feels, my grandparents used to have one of those, and I was so scared to go there at night:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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"
full moon shines over
grandfather's rustic outhouse --
chill goes up my shirt
I know how it feels, my grandparents used to have one of those, and I was so scared to go there at night:) Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2021
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
Comment from Mark D. R.
OK this us funny, but had you uses a language warning, a funnier last line would be:
chill goes up my ass/bung/bum LOL
good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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OK this us funny, but had you uses a language warning, a funnier last line would be:
chill goes up my ass/bung/bum LOL
good luck in the contest
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you
Comment from harmony13
The first two in lines of this poem flow and connect well. The
last line says it all - as it made me smile! The artwork is perfect
and compliments both the theme and words of this poem.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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The first two in lines of this poem flow and connect well. The
last line says it all - as it made me smile! The artwork is perfect
and compliments both the theme and words of this poem.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
Comment from Mia Twysted
I find this piece so awesome. Back home we have a cabin in the mountains and it, of course, has an outhouse. So I know the creepy feeling all to well. This piece brings be back there as a child when I was so afraid to go out and go the bathroom.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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I find this piece so awesome. Back home we have a cabin in the mountains and it, of course, has an outhouse. So I know the creepy feeling all to well. This piece brings be back there as a child when I was so afraid to go out and go the bathroom.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you very much for the exceptional review, six stars, and kind words.
Comment from lyenochka
That would be such a scary thing to have to go to that outhouse in the middle of the night! I think a flashlight wouldn't be much comfort! Lol. Great story in just a little haiku! Best wishes in the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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That would be such a scary thing to have to go to that outhouse in the middle of the night! I think a flashlight wouldn't be much comfort! Lol. Great story in just a little haiku! Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you very much for your review and kind words.
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You have my vote!
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Thank you!
Comment from royowen
My dear wife remembers these when she's lived in the country, I remember in England a similar thing ruling or ablutions, beautifully written my friend, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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My dear wife remembers these when she's lived in the country, I remember in England a similar thing ruling or ablutions, beautifully written my friend, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you very much, Roy. :)
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Most welcome
Comment from equestrik
This is so peaceful and lovely! I love the complete presentation with your wimsical picture and write. Not sure why the chill but it is a well done presentation.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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This is so peaceful and lovely! I love the complete presentation with your wimsical picture and write. Not sure why the chill but it is a well done presentation.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you very much :) Have a lovely day.
Comment from Erika Seshadri
Ha! Love it! Whenever I think of outhouses, I remember a story my dad told me of his childhood. One time his sister was in the outhouse and he and his friends pushed it over! What a brat.
Thanks for the chuckle. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Ha! Love it! Whenever I think of outhouses, I remember a story my dad told me of his childhood. One time his sister was in the outhouse and he and his friends pushed it over! What a brat.
Thanks for the chuckle. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2021
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Thank you very much :) Have a lovely day. That was gross and very scary for your aunt lol
