Betrayal
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Betrayal Chapter 26"In the title.
43 total reviews
Comment from DSchlosser
As I get older, I find that books that give a sort of safe zone makes me feel good when I read a novel. I moved into some cozy mysteries a couple years ago since I didn't want something so on edge that it was hard to finish a book. Your descriptions and chapters that give the comfortable feeling after a major event has happened is really good. It helps the character and reader calm down before the next major experience.
I haven't found anyone that does it quite as good as J.R. Tolkien in his novels, but I think it's also preference of the type of novel we each read that puts in a comfortable place that we can fantasize about.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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As I get older, I find that books that give a sort of safe zone makes me feel good when I read a novel. I moved into some cozy mysteries a couple years ago since I didn't want something so on edge that it was hard to finish a book. Your descriptions and chapters that give the comfortable feeling after a major event has happened is really good. It helps the character and reader calm down before the next major experience.
I haven't found anyone that does it quite as good as J.R. Tolkien in his novels, but I think it's also preference of the type of novel we each read that puts in a comfortable place that we can fantasize about.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2021
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I agree, we do need to have a breather, a bit of humour and something nice to read in between the more harsher parts. That's the way life is. Thank you so much for your really lovely comments, my friend. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. Warm hugs. :) Sandra xx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
Some very nice work here, especially in the descriptions.
Once the pilot had touched down, Grant opened the door and jumped down. - maybe find an alternative for one of the usages of down here. there're very close together which makes it quite noticeable.
She gathered from Peter's acceptance of her injuries that Grant had mentioned them when he'd phoned to tell him we were coming.- i think there's a little perspective shift in here. it's the use of 'we'. I think it would work better as they. (I think it shifts from a 3rd -person at the beginning 'She' to first person 'we'.
'I forgot to ask you,' he said. 'What are you like with dogs?' - I think this would work better as continuing dialogue - 'I forgot to ask you,' he said, 'what are you like with dogs?'
All the best
G
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2021
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Hi Sandra,
Some very nice work here, especially in the descriptions.
Once the pilot had touched down, Grant opened the door and jumped down. - maybe find an alternative for one of the usages of down here. there're very close together which makes it quite noticeable.
She gathered from Peter's acceptance of her injuries that Grant had mentioned them when he'd phoned to tell him we were coming.- i think there's a little perspective shift in here. it's the use of 'we'. I think it would work better as they. (I think it shifts from a 3rd -person at the beginning 'She' to first person 'we'.
'I forgot to ask you,' he said. 'What are you like with dogs?' - I think this would work better as continuing dialogue - 'I forgot to ask you,' he said, 'what are you like with dogs?'
All the best
G
Comment Written 05-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2021
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Thank you so much for this helpful review, Gareth, I've made the corrections in this part and in my manuscript. What would I do without you? I glad you enjoyed the part, though. Now off to sort out the next lot of edits! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from DeboraDyess
I'm playing comma-Nazi again... No commas needed in the first sentence, I don't believe.
~He shook his head, raised an eyebrow and grinned. >> Again, this may be geography, but 'shaking' your head HERE means no. NODDING means yes. Just thought I'd point it out. :)
~ Peter's acceptance of her injuries that Grant had mentioned them when he'd phoned to tell him we were coming. >> You're using third person here, and first person near the end of the sentence. You need to change 'we' to 'they'.
~a smile that came out of every movable muscle in his face. >> WONDERFUL!
~Great description of the house -- waterfall of color -- very nice
~ Ah, German shepherds! My favorite breed. But we don't hyphenate the words here. Again, may be geography.
~ Okay, first things first -- I'm jealous of the bed! But here:
bed with, delicately patterned, mosquito netting >> No comma needed. And I'm a bit perplexed. If 'delicately patterned was hyphenated, there'd be no need for comma before 'mosquito netting'. I'm a bit stumped. I think you just need to drop the existing comma
LOVE it. And ... can we go there? Just for a while? lol. Oh, wait! That's why we read -- so we can go there in our imaginations! Well done,
Blessings and hugs,
Debs
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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I'm playing comma-Nazi again... No commas needed in the first sentence, I don't believe.
~He shook his head, raised an eyebrow and grinned. >> Again, this may be geography, but 'shaking' your head HERE means no. NODDING means yes. Just thought I'd point it out. :)
~ Peter's acceptance of her injuries that Grant had mentioned them when he'd phoned to tell him we were coming. >> You're using third person here, and first person near the end of the sentence. You need to change 'we' to 'they'.
~a smile that came out of every movable muscle in his face. >> WONDERFUL!
~Great description of the house -- waterfall of color -- very nice
~ Ah, German shepherds! My favorite breed. But we don't hyphenate the words here. Again, may be geography.
~ Okay, first things first -- I'm jealous of the bed! But here:
bed with, delicately patterned, mosquito netting >> No comma needed. And I'm a bit perplexed. If 'delicately patterned was hyphenated, there'd be no need for comma before 'mosquito netting'. I'm a bit stumped. I think you just need to drop the existing comma
LOVE it. And ... can we go there? Just for a while? lol. Oh, wait! That's why we read -- so we can go there in our imaginations! Well done,
Blessings and hugs,
Debs
Comment Written 23-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 24-Apr-2021
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He shook his head, raised an eyebrow and grinned... The shaking of his head in this instance is the same as rolling your eyes, but I've said that further down. Grant is doing all that because Peter is his friend, and the mock salute was a bit of fun on his part.
I would love to live in a place like this. I'm like you, it can only happen in books and in my imagination. :(
Thank you again, dear Debs, for another really wonderful review and edits! When I earn my millions, I'll buy you a place like that. (Next door to mine!) xxx Sandra xx
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I'm in! And when I make my millions we'll share fence lines there. :)
I love going to Galveston (Texas) and wandering the beach there. But we went once and Hurricane Ike slammed the coastline right after we left. The next year when we left, a tornado touched down there, which never had happened before. We've gone a couple of times since, but not as a big family vacation with all the kids, grandkids, and siblings. Seems too risky for the town! lol
I wonder what havoc we'd create for the Bahamas...
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
What a mansion. He must be a wealthy man to have such a glamorous home on an island. It sounds like this story is made for the movies. The plot is good and the exquisite surroundings are filled with fantasy.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
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What a mansion. He must be a wealthy man to have such a glamorous home on an island. It sounds like this story is made for the movies. The plot is good and the exquisite surroundings are filled with fantasy.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
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Yes, It's my ideal home!! Lol. That sort of thing doesn't happen to me, only my characters. :(
Thank you, again, my friend. I really appreciat all these revies. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sandra, well...if he was trying to make a great impression...HE DID...
this is the kind of place...and guy I pretend to have...
Perrrrrrrfect...no flaws...hmmmmmmmmm....loves you because
you are who you are...yes...I live in Fantasyland in my mind...it's the perfect place to be...
sorry I got behind...I thought I did this one...
I think she will be glad to give up...Spain...and Greece...now...let me just guess...this has a great chance of becoming a permanent home for Tania...
ya know I love this story...the book will be awesome...very well written my amazing friend...and I see no nits jumping on my screen...
love you so many beautiful girl...so many hugs to you...
God bless...Linda xxoo
how is Ian doing???...say hi for me...
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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Hi Sandra, well...if he was trying to make a great impression...HE DID...
this is the kind of place...and guy I pretend to have...
Perrrrrrrfect...no flaws...hmmmmmmmmm....loves you because
you are who you are...yes...I live in Fantasyland in my mind...it's the perfect place to be...
sorry I got behind...I thought I did this one...
I think she will be glad to give up...Spain...and Greece...now...let me just guess...this has a great chance of becoming a permanent home for Tania...
ya know I love this story...the book will be awesome...very well written my amazing friend...and I see no nits jumping on my screen...
love you so many beautiful girl...so many hugs to you...
God bless...Linda xxoo
how is Ian doing???...say hi for me...
Comment Written 28-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2021
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LOL. I love the worlds I can conjure up more than real life at the moment! As for a permanent home for Tania, it's possible it could be ONE of them!! Lol.
Thank you, my dear, sweet friend, for coming and reading this when you have so much going on in your life. I've just read your email and will reply in a minute.
Love you back, too, my dear Linda. You take care of YOU as well. I'll put more in my letter. Warm hugs, and love. Sandra xxxxx
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always welcome most beautiful you...love sooooo much...xxoo
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra.
I think you'll have to rent an entire villa in the Bahamas and invite
all your fanstorian fans to stay for a few days, or a week, or maybe, a month.
LOL
This is a marvelous chapter, a respite from the intensity and action of the previous sections.
The descriptions are spot on; you'd make an excellent resort salesperson.
It reads smoothly and draws the reader in.
Minor suggestions:
balustrade, creating a waterfall of intense colour against the white background. It was [so] breathtaking. I'd drop the 'so'
to hang every [single] article of clothing both she and Monica owned, and more! My clothes are I think 'single' unneeded
You could write some nice 'romance' novels, the kind that sell and get made into movies and make the writer rich.
Wonderful chapter.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Hello Sandra.
I think you'll have to rent an entire villa in the Bahamas and invite
all your fanstorian fans to stay for a few days, or a week, or maybe, a month.
LOL
This is a marvelous chapter, a respite from the intensity and action of the previous sections.
The descriptions are spot on; you'd make an excellent resort salesperson.
It reads smoothly and draws the reader in.
Minor suggestions:
balustrade, creating a waterfall of intense colour against the white background. It was [so] breathtaking. I'd drop the 'so'
to hang every [single] article of clothing both she and Monica owned, and more! My clothes are I think 'single' unneeded
You could write some nice 'romance' novels, the kind that sell and get made into movies and make the writer rich.
Wonderful chapter.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
Comment Written 25-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2021
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Ooow, wouldn't that be nice! I have to give that some serious thought! Then, when I'm rich and famous, I'll send my private jet over to bring you both to Cornwall for one of Mildred's Cornish cream teas. Aww, wouldn't that be fun!? Dream on, Robert, it's a lovely one.
Thank you so much for this brilliant review, and the six stars. I'm really sorry the promotion was finished. I loved this review, you always give me a giggle. Have a lovely day, my friend. Warm hugs. Sandra xxxx
Comment from eliz100
I seem to have come in the middle of your story. Your references to past events allowed me to read without any questions. It was a very smooth read. You had my attention from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2021
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I seem to have come in the middle of your story. Your references to past events allowed me to read without any questions. It was a very smooth read. You had my attention from beginning to end.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2021
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Hi Eliz, thank you so much for reading this part. It's so nice to know that you were able to follow it even though I'm quite a way through. Have a lovely day! Warm hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from F. William Lester
Great story and descriptions. No nits. Believe me, I looked. You had me wanting to stay in his villa (anything to get out of this pandemic malaise). As always, nice work, Sandra. Thanks for the opportunity to read your work. By the way, have you published your book on the A B Cs? Stay well.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2021
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Great story and descriptions. No nits. Believe me, I looked. You had me wanting to stay in his villa (anything to get out of this pandemic malaise). As always, nice work, Sandra. Thanks for the opportunity to read your work. By the way, have you published your book on the A B Cs? Stay well.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2021
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Good morning, Frank. Thank you so much for reading this part, and the lovely review. I had a smile at the image of you looking for my nits! I beamed with delight that you didn't find one! Lol. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra. xxx
I hope to have the ABC book published soon. It's taken longer due to some of the pictures needing permission to be used. Most of them came from Pixabay which can be used for commercial use free of charge. I'll put a message out on here when it's out. Thank you for asking, Frank. :))
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My pleasure.
Comment from irishauthorme
So here I am, a non-rated, amateur, reviewing a story by the #3 author on FS, reading Chapter 26 in your series, when I haven't even read the proceeding chapters. Actually, I am studying your style and technique, how you attain--and maintain--the pace, and how the story flows smoothly from one scene to the next. Also have been here quite a while(can't remember since when) but suffered many interruptions and just really getting back on track. Will go back to the inception of your story and try to catch up.
Great writing!
irish
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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So here I am, a non-rated, amateur, reviewing a story by the #3 author on FS, reading Chapter 26 in your series, when I haven't even read the proceeding chapters. Actually, I am studying your style and technique, how you attain--and maintain--the pace, and how the story flows smoothly from one scene to the next. Also have been here quite a while(can't remember since when) but suffered many interruptions and just really getting back on track. Will go back to the inception of your story and try to catch up.
Great writing!
irish
Comment Written 23-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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Hi, Irish, thank you so much for coming in and reading this part of my book. I was delighted to read you are studying my style, and that you want to go back and start from the beginning, that is such a great compliment. Have a lovely day! Warm hugs, Sandra. :))
Comment from alexisleech
I so enjoyed my trip to the Bahamas, and I was by Tania's side all the way as she took in the wonderful gardens and house. Having owned a German Shepherd, I could also visualise the scene when Grant introduced Sam and Ben to Tania (due to your great story telling!) They are fabulous dogs, and you described the way they acted perfectly.
As always, I eagerly await the next chapter!
Alexis xxx
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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I so enjoyed my trip to the Bahamas, and I was by Tania's side all the way as she took in the wonderful gardens and house. Having owned a German Shepherd, I could also visualise the scene when Grant introduced Sam and Ben to Tania (due to your great story telling!) They are fabulous dogs, and you described the way they acted perfectly.
As always, I eagerly await the next chapter!
Alexis xxx
Comment Written 23-Mar-2021
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2021
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Thank you so much, Alexis, for this wonderful review and the golden sixth star. I love German shepherds and I'm so pleased you could visualise Sam and Ben. Having lived in Spain all those years, I could describe a lot of what is in this part with the gardens and the villa as they are similar to those grown in the Bahamas. Thank you again, my friend. Have a nice day! :)) Sandra xxx
