Reviews from

Betrayal

Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Betrayal Chapter 28"
In the title.

38 total reviews 
Comment from DSchlosser
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A bit of a longer chapter for this one. I thought the dolphin scene was fun, and I was glad the moment didn't get too sexual. Just my preference there, but it worked well for the story.

It sucks that Monica lost her job. Does your country have unemployment if the person gets fired? I know as long as you don't quit a job here that once you get fired you're automatically elligable.

 Comment Written 11-Sep-2021


reply by the author on 11-Sep-2021
    Yes, we do get unemployment benefit and other benefits, medical, hearing, eyecare, etc, if you haven't any savings or that it isn't enough to give you a reasonable standard of living.

    I don't do explicit sexual scenes, I much prefer to leave it to the readers imagination to understand what's going on. It really isn't neccessary in my opinion and lowers the tone. Thanks for reading and giving me your thoughts on this part, David. It was a chapter that took some time to work on to get it just right. :)) Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Sandra,

Nice continuation here and things look to be building up very well indeed. I'm just waiting for the sh*t to hit the fan! lol

All the best
G

 Comment Written 05-Jul-2021


reply by the author on 06-Jul-2021
    It does! Thank you again, Gareth, it's so nice when an author of your caliber likes it enough to review when there isn't a payout. I do appreciate it a lot. Thanks! :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Jobs are so important when it comes to making a living. Monica and Jeff perhaps will work things out so Monica can get another job....and feel safe at the same time.

 Comment Written 13-Apr-2021


reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
    I'm sure Monica will be fine. She's a very capable character, and now she seems to have Jeff with her. I'm glad you liked this part. Thanks Rosemary. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from l.raven
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Oh Big Sigh...I have no doubt Jeff will take care of her...now they can do my idea...join Grant and Tania at Grants place...my heart is going pitter patter...

ask your muse where I can find a guy like those guys...
the ones of today would throw you in front of a bullet to save themselves...tell ya lets go dutch on the coffee...50/50...woe is me...

well Tania's about to call her...lets see what they talk about my amazing friend...

each chapter just keeps getting better...and better...always...
Sandra this is going the be such a great book...
can hardly wait for it to come out...so very well written beautiful you...soooooo much love over here...for you my amazing friend...Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2021


reply by the author on 08-Apr-2021
    Thank you so much for another six stars, my generous wonderful friend. I know what you mean about going out with a manfriend now. There's not much romance left, is there? I preferred it in my time, well over a half-century ago. Men were gentlemen then.

    Now, you might think it's a good idea for Monica and Jeff to go over to the Bahamas, but they have a bit of a problem to sort out first. So has Grant and Tania on the other side of the world. Stay tuned my dear friend. Humongous hugs!! :))

    Watch out for my email, probably your evening time. Love you lots, :)) Sandra xxx
reply by l.raven on 08-Apr-2021
    you can't leave it there...remember we were going to talk about...not finishing the last sentence...remember...what problems????...love you so much my amazing friend...and your soooo welcome...xxoo
Comment from alexisleech
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

You are such a tease! Clingy wet blouses in the Bahamas, a brewing romance over two latte macchiatos, and an imminent baby about to arrive early (by the sound of things!) No wonder your book is so good - it has all the ingredients to make it a great read!

Alexis xxx

 Comment Written 07-Apr-2021


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
    Thank so much, Dear Alexis, for this beautiful review, and all the golden stars. I'm so pleased you enjoyed this part and the way it's going. Wild things ahead!! Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from dmt1967
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

She was sitting in his speedboat, and the dolphins came up close enough for her to stroke. This is very telling. Try, 'She sat in his speedboat and stroked the nearest dolphin.'

As if knowing they had a captive audience, the mammals began leaping from the water, twisting and then diving. Tania was enthralled. Again, telling. Try, The mammals leaped, twisted, and dived in the water. Tania clapped her hands and howled.' Show she is enthralled, don't tell.

Another great chapter. Thank you for sharing and stay safe.


 Comment Written 07-Apr-2021


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
    Thank you for another great review. I see what you're saying and will have a play around with those two paragraphs. I enjoy reading your suggestions, they are all excellent learning tools. Sending you an extra hug, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from bhogg
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Sandra--enjoyed your post. I'm sorry that I just dropped in and didn't read earlier posts. I very much admire your pace and then your balance of dialog and narrative. Very well done! Bill

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2021


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
    Hi, Bill, it's nice to meet you. Thank you for popping in, I'm delighted you enjoyed my writing. It's nice to read a new person's thoughts on my story. Thank you! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from rspoet
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hello Sandra.
"As Grant sat watching her, Tania didn't realise how sexy she looked with her wet, clinging blouse revealing the secrets of her toned and extremely desirable body." With lines like that people will be lining up to buy your book. :)

I suspect this is the calm before the coming storm and what a pleasant lull it is.
Grant certainly knows how to live well.

I had a feeling Monica's boss wouldn't want her around considering the danger, but now she can start out on her own. I know a wealthy
business man who could send her a lot of business.

I hope Jeff is up to the task.

Marvelous chapter, my friend.
Best wishes.
Robert






 Comment Written 06-Apr-2021


reply by the author on 07-Apr-2021
    I'd better be writing more lines like that then, lol. Thank you so much, Robert, for this lovely review, and all the wonderful stars. Yes, it is the lull before the storm. Monica and Jeff have some working out to do, and I don't mean in the gym! Thanks again, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from muffinmama
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

And the fun and suspense continue! I'm trying to guess whether Colin will show up on the island or go after Monica or somehow interfere with Latifa's birth, etc. etc.

'...they began leaping...' - I would substitute 'they' with 'the dolphins' here to refer to the first 'they'.
'...clinging blouse, revealing the secrets...' - no comma needed after 'blouse'
'...I did enjoy it.' Tania...' - comma after 'it'
'...to the driving seat.' - This might be the British way of expressing it, but in North America, they would say 'driver's seat'.
'Grant started the engine up...' - I think 'up' should come directly after 'started' as it's a combined verb.
'...she'd had Isobella, their...' I think you spelled it Isabella in previous chapters.

I wish the chapters were longer so I'd get further along with each reading. Really enjoying it.

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2021


reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
    Thank you so much for all this, it's a great help! I am rather bad at my commas, they just seem to slip in when I'm not looking!! Lol. I've made all the corrections.
    I'm always worried about how long my parts are compared to others. This was nearly 1800 words long! I'm really glad you said what you did, I won't be worried in future! Lol. Thanks for this lovely review, my friend, I truly appreciated it. Warm hugs. Sandra xxx
Comment from aryr
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

What a great continuation chapter, Sandra. Tania appears to really enjoy Grant's presence. She definitely enjoyed the dolphins. It was especially nice that she voiced her concern about Latifah's pending labor. Meanwhile, miles away Jeff and Monica have survived the meeting with Mr. Drake and are now thinking about Monica's new business name. Really enjoyable and rather entertaining. Great job, blessings, hugs and smiles.

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2021


reply by the author on 06-Apr-2021
    Yes, things are getting a lot better between them now, and Monica is quite happy with Jeff! Now we have to make sure the girls are forever safe. Thank you, dear Alie, for another lovely review. I really appreciated it. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by aryr on 06-Apr-2021
    You are so welcome, Sandra. Very much enjoyed. Blessings Alie.