Do Not Disturb
He who runs away...lives another day.18 total reviews
Comment from muffinmama
I didn't see that ending coming; it's hilarious!
Good story. A German Shephard is no match for a retired lunch room lady; she may as well keep the cat. LOL
"Boss, her cat, purred In her lap, as she learned of the mini-crime wave in her neighborhood." This needs a rewrite; it reads as though Boss is the one learning of the crime wave.
Tiny typo: "...purred In her..." - 'In' is not in caps
Thanks for the laugh.
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reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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I didn't see that ending coming; it's hilarious!
Good story. A German Shephard is no match for a retired lunch room lady; she may as well keep the cat. LOL
"Boss, her cat, purred In her lap, as she learned of the mini-crime wave in her neighborhood." This needs a rewrite; it reads as though Boss is the one learning of the crime wave.
Tiny typo: "...purred In her..." - 'In' is not in caps
Thanks for the laugh.
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Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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Thanks, good advice since Boss, being a cat and all, already knows what's happening...LOL
Comment from Janice Canerdy
You have made good use of your seventy-five words in this well-plotted piece. I like the way you introduced a serious topic, then changed to a light hearted tone with an unexpected ending.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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You have made good use of your seventy-five words in this well-plotted piece. I like the way you introduced a serious topic, then changed to a light hearted tone with an unexpected ending.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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Thank you!
Comment from royowen
Poor Rocky, it seems he doesn't have a very good self image for a would be thug, you'd think he'd developed a tougher sense of self, hah hah, you've been a a lilttle busy of late, well done Denis, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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Poor Rocky, it seems he doesn't have a very good self image for a would be thug, you'd think he'd developed a tougher sense of self, hah hah, you've been a a lilttle busy of late, well done Denis, blessings Roy
Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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The Rocky's of the world have to know when they meet their betters!
Thanks Roy!
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Absolutely, Jesus revealed that a righteous man wasn?t a doormat like some think, but the opposite if anything, He made Himself known to me, but my decision to ?turn? was mine, and mine alone, as for all believers. ?Be bold, be strong, saith the Lord, for I am with you.?
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Amen! God bless brother.
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Yep, it takes guts to be a Christian...as well as old. Heh heh.
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Yep!
Comment from Jay Squires
So ... If I understand this Flash Fiction piece, Rocky, the burglar was not going to have anything to do with breaking into a house that was occupied. The cat didn't appear to frighten him. Apparently, a retired lunchroom lady is supposed to be an easy target, but he won't even have anything to do with that. I'm afraid I must be missing something. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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So ... If I understand this Flash Fiction piece, Rocky, the burglar was not going to have anything to do with breaking into a house that was occupied. The cat didn't appear to frighten him. Apparently, a retired lunchroom lady is supposed to be an easy target, but he won't even have anything to do with that. I'm afraid I must be missing something. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
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There's quite a bit of humor associated with lunchroom ladies, portraying them as tough and mean. A look at Google images under lunchroom ladies will bring you up to speed. I deliberately made my image seem mild and unproduced to play against the stereotype. Thanks for reviewing!
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I really enjoyed reading this flash story. You have cleverly mixed suspense, and humour in an endearing way. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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I really enjoyed reading this flash story. You have cleverly mixed suspense, and humour in an endearing way. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Thank you for reviewing and commenting. I do appreciate it!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Yes, those lunchroom ladies have it all when it comes to dealing with anything and everything--been there to see it in person. I enjoyed your contest entry. Your lines read well with good imagery. The ending was good and unexpected. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Yes, those lunchroom ladies have it all when it comes to dealing with anything and everything--been there to see it in person. I enjoyed your contest entry. Your lines read well with good imagery. The ending was good and unexpected. Best wishes.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Hi Jan, Thanks for your review. Been off FS for a while but was looking at my profile and saw your name as a frequent reviewer of my stuff. Nice to hear from you again. Dennis
Comment from Sharon Davis
I enjoyed your flash fiction piece. The ending was conducive to highlighting the humour of the situation, and the irony, with the woman thinking she needed a fierce protector, while the potential criminal, found the lunch lady to be more of a challenge than he could handle. Well done.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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I enjoyed your flash fiction piece. The ending was conducive to highlighting the humour of the situation, and the irony, with the woman thinking she needed a fierce protector, while the potential criminal, found the lunch lady to be more of a challenge than he could handle. Well done.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Thank you kindly for reading and reviewing so well! Appreciated for sure, Dennis
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Charming story turned chilling--stunning ending--didn't see that coming. I'm glad this is a flash so I don't have to see him slaughter someone else. Clever piece!
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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Charming story turned chilling--stunning ending--didn't see that coming. I'm glad this is a flash so I don't have to see him slaughter someone else. Clever piece!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
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Beware the lunch room ladies! Thanks for reviewing! :)
