Sarah
abusing a child emotionally26 total reviews
Comment from Tpa
You wrote a sad, heartwarming story that had a happy ending. You gave the reader an emotional roller coaster ride both with Carol and Sara, and the internal conflict Sara had that destroyed her relationships. Excellent writing and very entertaining.
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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You wrote a sad, heartwarming story that had a happy ending. You gave the reader an emotional roller coaster ride both with Carol and Sara, and the internal conflict Sara had that destroyed her relationships. Excellent writing and very entertaining.
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Thank you for your kind words and review. I appreciate very much the rating.
Regards,
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I think the emotional abuse is worse than starving, because it undermines a child confidence, and sometimes those kids are choosing death. Thankfully God helped her through you. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest. One small thing, if you would change the font will be amazing,
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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I think the emotional abuse is worse than starving, because it undermines a child confidence, and sometimes those kids are choosing death. Thankfully God helped her through you. Thank you for sharing and good luck with the contest. One small thing, if you would change the font will be amazing,
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Thank you for your review and kind thoughts.
As to the font, I use 24 in my computer, but apparently when I transfer it is not enough for sizing when I transfer it.
Take care,
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After you transfer, on the bottom of the space for the text there is a space in blue that says advance editing. Once you click on that on the top it's an icon that says select all, click on that and chose from font of you want 24, and then save it again. From the same advance editing you can chose style and color.
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Thank you
Comment from tfawcus
This is a harrowing tale. It seems that you did everything you possibly could to improve the situation, and I was glad to hear the eventual outcome was good - at least for Sarah.
Just one sentence that left me confused and may need editing: "It was then realized that Carol's temperament was more controlling and angrier within the family than I realized".
You have told the story well, showing the interaction between the various characters with graphic clarity.
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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This is a harrowing tale. It seems that you did everything you possibly could to improve the situation, and I was glad to hear the eventual outcome was good - at least for Sarah.
Just one sentence that left me confused and may need editing: "It was then realized that Carol's temperament was more controlling and angrier within the family than I realized".
You have told the story well, showing the interaction between the various characters with graphic clarity.
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Thank you for the review and kind thoughts. I truly appreciate the editing advice. I corrected the sentence with an "I"
Take care
Comment from oliver818
This is a sad and powerful story, and a very good entry for this competition. It flows well and the tragedy is well described. Thanks for sharing this and have a great day
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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This is a sad and powerful story, and a very good entry for this competition. It flows well and the tragedy is well described. Thanks for sharing this and have a great day
Comment Written 08-May-2021
reply by the author on 08-May-2021
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Thank you, I truly appreciate your kind thoughts and review.
Take care.
Comment from Judy Lawless
The premise of this story is a good one. You've described a young girl who was emotionally abused and lacked any amount of self-confidence. As a result she didn't know how to be a good mother to her own children. It's a very sad story.
Unfortunately it needs a whole lot of editing to make it more concise and easier to read. My suggestion is to read it out loud, or have someone read it out loud to you. Then think about what parts are repetitive or unnecessary to convey the story. One thing, I don't think you need to blame yourself. It's obvious she came from a dysfunctional family and you did all that you could to help her. I hope you don't take this as criticism but as helpful advise.
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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The premise of this story is a good one. You've described a young girl who was emotionally abused and lacked any amount of self-confidence. As a result she didn't know how to be a good mother to her own children. It's a very sad story.
Unfortunately it needs a whole lot of editing to make it more concise and easier to read. My suggestion is to read it out loud, or have someone read it out loud to you. Then think about what parts are repetitive or unnecessary to convey the story. One thing, I don't think you need to blame yourself. It's obvious she came from a dysfunctional family and you did all that you could to help her. I hope you don't take this as criticism but as helpful advise.
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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No Judy, If it was anyone else, I would take it as criticism, but not you.
I will try to fix it, if not, I will remove it.
Thank you
Comment from estory
I think its an interesting story of how dysfunction runs through generations of a family, passed on through mother to daughter by their behavior. You gave lots of details in how the mother kept giving the girl the same bowl of cereal over and over, and how she tried to choke the dog on the leash. Then we see the little girl growing up and falling for an older man; probably out of this sense of insecurity and a broken relationship with her own father. Its an interesting premise and I think it would make a good novel, if you want to expand it from a narrative. estory
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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I think its an interesting story of how dysfunction runs through generations of a family, passed on through mother to daughter by their behavior. You gave lots of details in how the mother kept giving the girl the same bowl of cereal over and over, and how she tried to choke the dog on the leash. Then we see the little girl growing up and falling for an older man; probably out of this sense of insecurity and a broken relationship with her own father. Its an interesting premise and I think it would make a good novel, if you want to expand it from a narrative. estory
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Thank you for your review and your thoughts that I think are truly spot on.
Regards,
Comment from DentedSyke
This is a very powerful story, and it should resonate with many people. It's heartbreaking to know that child abuse happens much more often than we suspect.
I liked the writing, but I found that some grammatical errors (usually commas) detracted just a bit from the story. Still, you did a fine job and I commend you on writing such a piece.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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This is a very powerful story, and it should resonate with many people. It's heartbreaking to know that child abuse happens much more often than we suspect.
I liked the writing, but I found that some grammatical errors (usually commas) detracted just a bit from the story. Still, you did a fine job and I commend you on writing such a piece.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-May-2021
reply by the author on 07-May-2021
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Thank you
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You're welcome.
Comment from Begin Again
Yes, child abuse or adult abuse comes in many destructive forms. Your painful and deeply moving story tells a tale that happens far too often in this world. Very moving and depressing. I am glad that Sarah escaped and maybe someday will mend enough to be completely happy. Smiles, Carol
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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Yes, child abuse or adult abuse comes in many destructive forms. Your painful and deeply moving story tells a tale that happens far too often in this world. Very moving and depressing. I am glad that Sarah escaped and maybe someday will mend enough to be completely happy. Smiles, Carol
Comment Written 06-May-2021
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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Thank you for your kind comments. I appreciate you reading and thinking about Sarah.
Comment from BethShelby
This is a well written story that shows how the child abuse started and everything that went along with it. Many children suffer because the parents themselves have had issues growing up that left them without knowing how to deal with children. Some of the things Carol did to her children seen very damaging to their self-esteem. It is good that you were there for the child are she might have had a worse life. I wonder how Carol's husband was able to cope with her actions.
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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This is a well written story that shows how the child abuse started and everything that went along with it. Many children suffer because the parents themselves have had issues growing up that left them without knowing how to deal with children. Some of the things Carol did to her children seen very damaging to their self-esteem. It is good that you were there for the child are she might have had a worse life. I wonder how Carol's husband was able to cope with her actions.
Comment Written 06-May-2021
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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Thank you, I appreciate your kind words and review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a well-written story about a terrible tragedy. It is so good to hear that Carol's daughter is nothing like her. In many ways Carol's mother was Carol's model. Her lack of concern was the opposite but also comparable. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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This is a well-written story about a terrible tragedy. It is so good to hear that Carol's daughter is nothing like her. In many ways Carol's mother was Carol's model. Her lack of concern was the opposite but also comparable. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 05-May-2021
reply by the author on 06-May-2021
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Thank you for your review. It is truly appreciated.
