Remembering Yesterday
Viewing comments for Chapter 123 "Another Milestone "A widow's journey into her relationship with her
17 total reviews
Comment from 4theloveoftrees
Thank you for sharing another chapter in the life of the Shelby's! I enjoyed it as I always do.
(A couple of things you may want to update. In paragraph 7 I think there is a typo, "sprite" instead of "spite", in paragraph 11, "IIt" should be "It", and "leaving the nest" at the end has a font change.)
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Thank you for sharing another chapter in the life of the Shelby's! I enjoyed it as I always do.
(A couple of things you may want to update. In paragraph 7 I think there is a typo, "sprite" instead of "spite", in paragraph 11, "IIt" should be "It", and "leaving the nest" at the end has a font change.)
Comment Written 27-May-2021
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Thank you so much for reading this and for your comments in spite of the fact, it wasn't ready to be read. As soon as I got it on, my mouse died and I couldn't promote so I doubt if it was paying anything. I was only able to get back on the computer this morning.
I appreciate your excellent help
Beth
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You're welcome, Beth! I always try to read my friends' work, paying or not, these days I rarely get to them while they're paying anyway, I'm not on here near as much with the onset of nicer weather!
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
As usual for the Shelby family, you had tons of things going on! There was never a dull moment. You had some troubles and many challenges, but you also cared deeply for your family and did your best to make sure you had some good times together.
The background you provided in the beginning is not really connected in any way to the rest of the chapter. Also, the prom photo is a little strange, if you take a close look: some of the females either look very masculine, or are actually men wearing women's clothing. I could be wrong, and of course, it would probably be of little consequence, as it is unlikely to end up in your published book.
Here are some suggested revisions:
The shot was a combination that protected against, diphtheria, whooping cough, and tetanus.
-->
The shot was a combination that protected against diphtheria, whooping cough, and tetanus.
Every department in the company, from the sales staff, and department heads through the maintenance crew ...
-->
Every department in the company, from the sales staff and department heads through the maintenance crew, ...
it soon became apparent the Jack's time with us would be short.
-->
it soon became apparent that Jack's time with us would be short.
Your blood-pressure fluctuated,
-->
Your blood pressure fluctuated,
In sprite of your problems,
-->
In spite of your problems,
In March, your brother Rhomas, brought your two older sisters,
-->
In March, your brother Rhomas brought your two older sisters,
We all referred to him as the Pillsbury Doughboy.
-->
We all referred to him as the "Pillsbury Doughboy." [I think the quotes are better than italics, but it's probably okay, either way.]
IIt hadn't been open long,
-->
It hadn't been open long,
Connie reported that it was boring and she almost went to sleep, when Lenny spent most of the time ...
-->
Connie reported that it was boring and she almost went to sleep, while Lenny spent most of the time ...
He is 27 and is also a nurse and is presenly working two jobs..
-->
He is 27 and is also a nurse and is presently working two jobs.
Rhomas, Helen, and Maxine, Evean's siblings.
-->
Rhomas, Helen, and Maxine, Evan's siblings.
***
I would sometimes call my husband the "Pillsbury Doughboy" before I married him, but fortunately, it had nothing to do with his appearance. It was because of the way he laughed, when I tickled him.
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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As usual for the Shelby family, you had tons of things going on! There was never a dull moment. You had some troubles and many challenges, but you also cared deeply for your family and did your best to make sure you had some good times together.
The background you provided in the beginning is not really connected in any way to the rest of the chapter. Also, the prom photo is a little strange, if you take a close look: some of the females either look very masculine, or are actually men wearing women's clothing. I could be wrong, and of course, it would probably be of little consequence, as it is unlikely to end up in your published book.
Here are some suggested revisions:
The shot was a combination that protected against, diphtheria, whooping cough, and tetanus.
-->
The shot was a combination that protected against diphtheria, whooping cough, and tetanus.
Every department in the company, from the sales staff, and department heads through the maintenance crew ...
-->
Every department in the company, from the sales staff and department heads through the maintenance crew, ...
it soon became apparent the Jack's time with us would be short.
-->
it soon became apparent that Jack's time with us would be short.
Your blood-pressure fluctuated,
-->
Your blood pressure fluctuated,
In sprite of your problems,
-->
In spite of your problems,
In March, your brother Rhomas, brought your two older sisters,
-->
In March, your brother Rhomas brought your two older sisters,
We all referred to him as the Pillsbury Doughboy.
-->
We all referred to him as the "Pillsbury Doughboy." [I think the quotes are better than italics, but it's probably okay, either way.]
IIt hadn't been open long,
-->
It hadn't been open long,
Connie reported that it was boring and she almost went to sleep, when Lenny spent most of the time ...
-->
Connie reported that it was boring and she almost went to sleep, while Lenny spent most of the time ...
He is 27 and is also a nurse and is presenly working two jobs..
-->
He is 27 and is also a nurse and is presently working two jobs.
Rhomas, Helen, and Maxine, Evean's siblings.
-->
Rhomas, Helen, and Maxine, Evan's siblings.
***
I would sometimes call my husband the "Pillsbury Doughboy" before I married him, but fortunately, it had nothing to do with his appearance. It was because of the way he laughed, when I tickled him.
Comment Written 27-May-2021
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Thank you so much Mary Kay. This wasn't ready to be read as I didn't get a chance to promote it. I'd just ended the preview when my mouse quick working. Then I managed to blow a fuse and knock the computer out. I didn't get anything fixed until this morning. I was amazed that so many read it anyway, last night. Obviously I copied the wrong promo. I'm so glad you saw that. I don't think many people read that, or the list at the bottom but you always do. As to the prom picture, my eyes are bad and I didn't even see it. I just asked Amazon Images for a prom picture. I'll change it. As usual, you help is amazing. I'm so sorry that it wasn't paying more.
I always enjoy reading your comment and I really am thankful that your are willing to look so carefully at my work.
Beth
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You're very welcome, dear Beth. I must have been one of the first to review your post, because it was actually paying 62 cents! I thought it was unusual, because your posts usually pay more, but I didn't realize what happened, and I probably caught one of the initial two "free" paying reviews that FanStory provides. Yes, I figured that prom pic was a stock photo. That's so funny about the fuse, the computer etc., it sounds like an episode from one of your stories! And how sweet that you still got reviews, even after it went down to 2 cents!
God bless you. Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This Chapter 121of your biographical non-fiction speaks, the object or mission of this writing is for your family, expressively and simply about another milestone, first half of your family, well said, well done, thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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This Chapter 121of your biographical non-fiction speaks, the object or mission of this writing is for your family, expressively and simply about another milestone, first half of your family, well said, well done, thanks for sharing this. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 27-May-2021
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and comments. You read it before I got a chance to promote it. I appreciate your comments.
Beth
Comment from lyenochka
What a hard time for Carol and Glen. And you were doing so much to help your other kids so I'm sure it was impossible to help with their debt. I was happy to read about Lenny's joy in finding Jesus. Sometimes, it's those who weren't raised in Christian homes who are more zealous of the Lord!
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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What a hard time for Carol and Glen. And you were doing so much to help your other kids so I'm sure it was impossible to help with their debt. I was happy to read about Lenny's joy in finding Jesus. Sometimes, it's those who weren't raised in Christian homes who are more zealous of the Lord!
Comment Written 27-May-2021
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Thank you so much for the review in spite of the fact I wasn't able to promote it last night. Just as I ended the preview, my mouse quit working and then, I managed to blow a fuse and knock the computer off, so I couldn't promote it until this morning. Yes, I was proud of Lenny. Unfortunately, Connie was embarrassed by it.
Beth
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Christi is in a class by herself. Pillsbury Doughboy--brilliant snark. Looks like Carol's not a happy camper--I sense divorce is in the offing.
In sprite=>SPITE of your problems
In March, your brother [COMMA] Rhomas, brought your two older sisters, Maxine and Helen, to visit us for a few days.
the other meals were your responsibly=>RESPONSIBILITY.
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Christi is in a class by herself. Pillsbury Doughboy--brilliant snark. Looks like Carol's not a happy camper--I sense divorce is in the offing.
In sprite=>SPITE of your problems
In March, your brother [COMMA] Rhomas, brought your two older sisters, Maxine and Helen, to visit us for a few days.
the other meals were your responsibly=>RESPONSIBILITY.
Comment Written 27-May-2021
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Thank you Elizabeth. I hate that so many read it before I got a chance to promote it. Just as I ended the preview, my mouse died and then I managed to blow a fuse and I knocked the computer off so I wasn't able to get back on until this morning. Yes Carol and Glen will be getting a divorce soon. Thank you for alerting to to some of the spags. Mary Kay has sent me a page of them to correct.
Beth
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your chapters of your family's life flow smoothly, Beth. Each one is interesting, and this one is great. Your work partners sound bizarre. I'm glad you were able to put up with it like you did. Your children seem to have made their way albeit with some complications such as the overwhelming debt of Glen and Carol. I know what you mean about the 'boring' graduation ceremony.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
May I suggest ~
Every department. . . .were--->was (in first paragraph)
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Your chapters of your family's life flow smoothly, Beth. Each one is interesting, and this one is great. Your work partners sound bizarre. I'm glad you were able to put up with it like you did. Your children seem to have made their way albeit with some complications such as the overwhelming debt of Glen and Carol. I know what you mean about the 'boring' graduation ceremony.
Thanks for sharing.
Respectfully, Jan
May I suggest ~
Every department. . . .were--->was (in first paragraph)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Thank you so much Jan. I was hoping I could manage to promote it before anyone read it. Just as I got it on, my mouse died, and I managed to blow a fuse knocking the computer off. I just got it back on this morning. I appreciate your comments, and I have reworked the sentence in which you suggest a change. I can't believe so many read it when it was paying hardly anything.
Comment from Begin Again
Oh wow...time is marching on for your family isn't it? Graduation and growing up... You've done such a marvelous job with your memoir. I hope the children will appreciate your efforts. Smiles, Carol.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Oh wow...time is marching on for your family isn't it? Graduation and growing up... You've done such a marvelous job with your memoir. I hope the children will appreciate your efforts. Smiles, Carol.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-May-2021
reply by the author on 27-May-2021
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Thank you so much Carol. This story wasn't ready to be read until I got a chance to promote it. Just as I put in on, my mouse gave the ghost and couldn't get on the computer on or to promote it. I blew a fuse trying to get it back on. My mouse has revived a bit this morning. I appreciate you reviewing it anyway.
Beth
