Letting Go
A Mother and Daughter Moment19 total reviews
Comment from Susan Newell
Whoa! What a heavy duty ending. This is a great little 75-word tale, but the beginning is a little rocky.
Just some suggestions:
This was her sanctuary. -- They were her sanctuary? Or perhaps a different line altogether. When I think of sanctuary, I think of places, not things. . ? ?
She picked up her suitcase and closed the door. -- If you write "She closed her suitcase and exited the door," we would have a better picture of where the items are.
Still a great piece.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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Whoa! What a heavy duty ending. This is a great little 75-word tale, but the beginning is a little rocky.
Just some suggestions:
This was her sanctuary. -- They were her sanctuary? Or perhaps a different line altogether. When I think of sanctuary, I think of places, not things. . ? ?
She picked up her suitcase and closed the door. -- If you write "She closed her suitcase and exited the door," we would have a better picture of where the items are.
Still a great piece.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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Thank you very much for your suggestions and the review. I was actually thinking of the bedroom as her sanctuary and the things she had there... maybe that doesn't come across. The items were in the room and not the suitcase. Guess 75 words wasn't enough for me. LOL Have a great day!
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I went back and read it again. I see what you mean, but with so few words there is room for misinterpretation, and assumptions -- like that she was taking her treasures with her like a security blanket.
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I fully understand that you could think that... guess that's why I don't usually write these shorts...I prefer to be wordy. LOL
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Me too.
Comment from Sharon Davis
A poignant 75 word flash fiction that holds a powerful message and special moment for mother and daughter.
Thank you for sharing this work.
Nicely done.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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A poignant 75 word flash fiction that holds a powerful message and special moment for mother and daughter.
Thank you for sharing this work.
Nicely done.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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Thank you Sharon for reading this little flash fiction and leaving me a kind review. It's hard to get a whole story in so few words. have a great day!
Comment from Judy Lawless
Wow, this is a terrific flash story that says so much in so few words. The last line says it all, a big punch ending! There is so much emotion demonstrated there. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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Wow, this is a terrific flash story that says so much in so few words. The last line says it all, a big punch ending! There is so much emotion demonstrated there. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much Judy for understanding the idea of mother and daughter separating for the first time after Daddy has left them. It's difficult to get the message across with so few words. Have a great day!
Comment from Wendy G
There is a much bigger story behind this one. A lot has been left unsaid. It has been well thought through, and well written for that reason. I wish you success with this entry.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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There is a much bigger story behind this one. A lot has been left unsaid. It has been well thought through, and well written for that reason. I wish you success with this entry.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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thank you Wendy for stopping by and reading my flash fiction entry. Yes, Daddy has left and Mommy and daughter are separating for the first time... Trust and Loss. have a great day!
Comment from Allezw2
This is a poignant little tale if you connect the dots on any of a series of possibilities. Consequently, I think this is a trifle too much story for so few words and lends a bit of confusion to what could be far more coherent work. Is mommy meeting them in two days? Is Mandy returning in two days? Are they going across the river and through tthe trees to grandma's house to stay? A bit on the cultural side is that it's all book bags and back packs now. Who has suitcases anymore? Brings to mind Dianna Ross and her 60s, "Someday, we'll be together" and Sinatra's 1945 song, "We'll be together again."
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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This is a poignant little tale if you connect the dots on any of a series of possibilities. Consequently, I think this is a trifle too much story for so few words and lends a bit of confusion to what could be far more coherent work. Is mommy meeting them in two days? Is Mandy returning in two days? Are they going across the river and through tthe trees to grandma's house to stay? A bit on the cultural side is that it's all book bags and back packs now. Who has suitcases anymore? Brings to mind Dianna Ross and her 60s, "Someday, we'll be together" and Sinatra's 1945 song, "We'll be together again."
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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Thanks for reading and the review.
Comment from Bill Schott
This seventy-five-word story, Letting Go, has the required word count and while creating this brief visit departure, lets the readers know that Dad has caused some heartache here.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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This seventy-five-word story, Letting Go, has the required word count and while creating this brief visit departure, lets the readers know that Dad has caused some heartache here.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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Thanks Bill for seeing that in this short flash fiction. You are spot on with your deductions. I appreciate the review. Have a great day!
Comment from Senyai
Hi,
I really enjoyed this short fiction story portraying life from a precocious child, wise beyond her years. Trying to juggle life in a divorce situation, is hard for the younger set.
Great insight conveyed, really great entry for 75 word prompt. Well done!
All the best,
Senyai
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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Hi,
I really enjoyed this short fiction story portraying life from a precocious child, wise beyond her years. Trying to juggle life in a divorce situation, is hard for the younger set.
Great insight conveyed, really great entry for 75 word prompt. Well done!
All the best,
Senyai
Comment Written 02-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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thank you so much for the review and for understanding the thought behind the story. I really appreciate it! Have a great day!
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You?re very welcome :-)
Comment from Leann DS
This was sad and touching. You did a good job telling a complete story with only 75 words. I did not notice any errors in spelling, punctuation, or grammar. Well done, and good luck to you in the contest. Hugs and blessings to you.
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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This was sad and touching. You did a good job telling a complete story with only 75 words. I did not notice any errors in spelling, punctuation, or grammar. Well done, and good luck to you in the contest. Hugs and blessings to you.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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Thank you dear for reading and leaving me such a wonderful review. Your kindness is always appreciated. Have a great day!
Comment from amahra
Ah, that was so sweet, I had to read it twice though to really get it. The little girl didn't want to leave her mom alone the way her daddy did. That a great story in so few words.
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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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Ah, that was so sweet, I had to read it twice though to really get it. The little girl didn't want to leave her mom alone the way her daddy did. That a great story in so few words.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 03-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much for understanding. It isn't easy to get a complete story with only a few words allowed. I am glad you liked it and appreciate your review. Have a great day!
