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Betrayal

Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Betrayal Chapter 36"
In the title.

36 total reviews 
Comment from DSchlosser
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

A much better chapter than the previous one. This one flowed really smoothly, and the entry of the friends and them preparing to find Rapier was done well. I'm getting closer to the end now! I'm feeling anxious to read the other chapters, but it's late and I have more things to do tomorrow morning.

 Comment Written 20-Sep-2021


reply by the author on 20-Sep-2021
    Thank you for this lovely review!! You have no idea how much I value your input, coming later means I'm getting fresh thoughts. Thank you so much for the sixth star, my friend!! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by DSchlosser on 21-Sep-2021
    I know its later than all other readers, but I can pick up books down the road if I have to leave them. It sucks if I miss out on reviews before a book gets published sometimes. I've seen other writers drop their accounts or publish and then the book gets deleted on here and then I don't know how to finish reading a story I liked.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

this Rapier sure is trouble...wow, he should be far away from anyone and everyone. How about getting him and putting him behind bars for a while...that would be the best thing for everybody.

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 21-Jun-2021
    It would solve a lot of problems, wouldn't it? Thank you so much for this lovely review, Rosemary, I really appreciate your thoughts on this story. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from l.raven
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi Sandra, how are you my amazing friend???...

finally the hurricane is out of the way...
time to get back to business...
kind of torn between Jose going with them...or not...
trying to protect his wife and kids...could make things
a bit worse than what they are...but it may make them
feel safer...hummmm...

it's so good to see the gang is all there...now they have to go after Rapier...and they better move fast...
and it's not just him...it's Colin and Cruella as well...

well!!! lets see where it goes from here...and maybe soon well be hearing a couple...I DO'S...

very well written chapter sweet girl...always written with class...I enjoyed every word...always holds my attention...and then some...love you beautiful girl...sending so much love...Linda xxoo


 Comment Written 19-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
    Lol, Oh how I've missed you, Linda. I sent you an email a few days ago, but knew you have so much on at the moment, emotional and otherwise.
    It's all heading towards a big finale, perhaps three more parts after the one I'm posting today. Love you too, my dear friend, and miss you so much. You take care now, and I mean, take care of you! Love and hugs, Sandra xxxxxxx
    A double wedding? Hmm, that's a thought!! I love the name 'Cruella' another reviewer calls Grant's mother that. It suits her, doesn't it? LOL.
reply by l.raven on 20-Jun-2021
    I miss you too Sandra...things are calming down...but Kristy said it has left me in a stress fog...

    I went to put my shoes on the other day...put one on...started to look all over the house for it...and it was on my foot...
    and times I feel so confused...I feel better today...but I'm going to rest for a few days...I know it happens...it did when Bobby passed...

    I think a double wedding is a great thought...Grant and Tania...me and ______....

    I will take care of me...and you take care as well...that move had to of taken a lot out of you and Graham...I am so happy for you both...

    I think Cruella is perfect name for her...
    she wears it well...

    going to get dinner...will email you soon...
    much love coming your way...Linda xxoo

Comment from elchupakabra
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

'Let's get inside out of this heat.' / it's a small thing but conversationally I would remove inside - Let's get out of this heat / the reason is because in the descriptive prose immediately after, he leads her inside, so it makes that referral in the dialogue redundant.

'How long before we can see them? I'm talking about Tania and Grant, now. / This reads a bit weird, I would just change it to 'How long before we can see Tania and Grant?'

'No, surprisingly enough. It was as smooth as icing, / this was odd to me - No. Surprisingly, it was smooth as icing (if this character is comic relief in anyways, I would change icing to baby's backside)

'We have to get Rapier away from Anna and her children. That is imperative. They are the innocents here, and I'll not have their deaths on my conscience.' - Shorten this up to make it punchier and more life like - We have to get Rapier away from Anna and the kids. This is priority one. They're innocents, I won't have their deaths on my conscience.

Just a few small notes, keep up the great work :) Later daze.

 Comment Written 17-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 17-Jun-2021
    Thank you so much for another of your welcome reviews. I do enjoy reading them as they make me delve further into my work. Your suggestions here are fabulous. Thank you! If I haven't nominated you yet, I will now. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from alexisleech
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I really enjoyed this chapter, Sandra. The arrival of Monica and Grant's team was penned beautifully, and covered so many emotions, including camaraderie and laughter. I can't wait to see how they handle the escalating problem of Rapier and Jose's threatened wife and children. I don't doubt you'll have us all hanging on to our seats while the team track him down. I just hope he doesn't make his way to the island while they're all away!

Alexis xxx

 Comment Written 16-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 16-Jun-2021
    Thank you so much, Alexis, for another of your spot of reviews. I've had another reviewer think the same thing. What a catastrophe that would be! LOL. Thank you so much for the shiny sixth star, my friend, I really appreciated it. Sending you love and hugs. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from muffinmama
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The gang's all together again! Now the real action starts. Hurricanes are child's play compared to Rapier, from the sound of it.
I'm so suspicious that I picture Rapier plotting to get Grant off the island so he can swoop in for the kill.
The rapport between the men is very well illustrated through your dialogue; it's encouraging and bodes well for their mission.

Comments:
- '...and the private jet was coming into land' - Is this a British expression (coming into land)? It sounds as though they're about to crash. 'Coming in for a landing' is more common in the US.
- 'That'll do for now. José. - comma after 'now'
- '...battering Grant's island, and headed...' - no comma needed
- '...Latifah's gorgeous look and not...' - I think it should be 'looks'; the two versions do not mean the same thing.

So glad you're back! Waiting for the next chapter.

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 15-Jun-2021
    Hi, Ryma, thank you so much for this lovely review! You are right to be suspicious of Rapier, but not for that reason!! :))

    I've made those corrections, I'm so glad you pointed out the 'look' what a wally I'd have felt if I'd not spotted it.

    It's strange you should mention the way we say, coming into land, it's so natural to say that here, but I can see what you mean. I might play around with that line now. Thanks again, my friend, I really appreciate your input. Have a lovely week. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Dilettante junior
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Dearest Sandra,

What an exquisite chapter my friend! It has all the elements of a thriller- The periphery graphic, the plot thickening, the characters revealing bits of pieces of themselves, the dialogue that adds so much, the family spirit felt and of course the prose that makes the substance of this excellent chapter.

Well done dearest!
Cheers,
DJ

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 15-Jun-2021
    Aw, thank you, dear Dilettante, (I love your name) I'm over the moon that you enjoyed this part. This part was the calm before the oncoming storm, and I don't mean the hurricane! Lol. Your review meant such a lot to me, thank you, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra. xxx
reply by Dilettante junior on 15-Jun-2021
    Right back at you dearest. Cant wait for the next one! Love xxx
Comment from blondie560
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Sandra this was a nice lighthearted chapter. It was cute seeing the big tough men turned into teddy bears. I feel sad for José, but he is lucky that Grant is his boss. I'm guessing the next chapters will be a lot more action packed. I might have missed this, but is Tania still in a cast?
I love Sundays because I get to read a new chapter. Have a lovely week.:) Sally

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 15-Jun-2021
    Hi, Sally,
    Thank you so much for another of your lovely reviews, and for that shiny sixth star! Yes, this was basically the calm before the next metaphoracal storm. :))

    I didn't understand what you meant about Tania not being in the script anymore. She features in this part a lot. Being the main character she has a lot to deal with in the coming chapters, as well, not all nice as you will soon find out. (I'm so good to her!! LOL)

    Enjoy your week, dear friend. Sending you warm hugs, :) Sandra xxx
reply by blondie560 on 15-Jun-2021
    Lol Sandra I meant is Tania?s arm still in a cast. She?s been doing a lot of things like delivering a baby, so I was wondering the status of her injuries. ;)
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2021
    Jeepers!! I forgot about that! OMG Now I'll have to go and sort that out. Thank you so much!! xxxx
reply by blondie560 on 15-Jun-2021
    Oh no! I didn?t mean to open up a can of worms. :(
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2021
    Sally, you are a life saver. I've gone back a few chapters and sorted it out. I've added this to the middle of chapter 27:

    ?I know. It?s just ? I?ve never been in a situation like this before, and I?m hating it!? Then, as if realising how that sounded, she went on to explain. ?I don?t mean being on your island. This is the closest to paradise I could ever imagine. What you have here is perfect for that special holiday. And there?s the crux of the matter; that?s not why I?m here, is it? I have the fear of Colin hanging over me all the time. Will it ever end??
    ?Yes it will! Now you are here to relax, not worry yourself silly. Over the next two weeks you are going to be waited on hand and foot. I?ve arranged for my doctor on the mainland to come over and take your plaster cast off then.
    *****
    Grant kept his word. Tania had no time to sit around moping. He?d made up a tight schedule of touring the island, and regular trips out on his speedboat. By the time the two weeks were up, Tania had a lovely golden tan, and looked the picture of health.
    At last, the day came when Tania would be rid of the plaster cast, and the doctor could not have been made more welcome. She was forever poking her comb tail inside the cast to try and scratch her arm. The itching had been driving her mad.
    Once her arm was free, it looked so white compared to the rest of her. Grant told her it would soon catch up. After the doctor had examined it, he said she could start swimming. It was the best exercise to strengthen the muscle in that arm again.
    That evening, she had her first real shower since she?d been rescued from Colin. It was heavenly!

    Then removed all the parts that did mention the cast. I've even added another bit to that beginning of part 28. Changing the original:

    The next day, Grant decided it was time for Tania to swim with the dolphins. They were used to her now, and always came up to the boat so she could stroke their heads.
    Grant took his speedboat out a little way and then stopped the engine. He pointed to the ripples in the water and they watched as they came closer.
    With her eyes shining with excitement, she hadn't noticed one of the ripples disappearing until it was close enough to the boat to poke its black shiny head out of the water just beside where she was sitting. Tania let out a squeal of delight. Soon, six or more dolphins were close enough for her to stroke. ?They are so gentle!? She laughed. ?Monica will be so jealous when I tell her about this.?
    As if knowing they had a captive audience, the mammals began leaping from the water, twisting and diving. Tania was enthralled, clapping her hands with pleasure. When she thought they?d gone, the mischievous creatures flew out of the water and over her head, leaving Tania laughing with delight, and soaking wet! She?d never had so much fun.
    As Grant sat watching her, Tania didn?t realise how sexy she looked with her wet, clinging blouse, revealing the secrets of her toned and extremely desirable body. Even when she still had the slight bruising on her face, he?d seen enough to recognise the passionate woman beneath.
    Now, there was no mistaking it. Shaking his head in an effort to rid himself of the feelings stirring in his loins, he quickly shed his clothes down to his bathers, and jumped in the water.
    ?Come on in, the water?s lovely.? He laughed as one of the dolphins came up and head butted him.
    In an instant, Tania had stripped off her sundress to reveal her bikini beneath it. Grant stared, his jaw dropped. Good lord! Anyone would think I?d never seen a woman in a bikini before! I have, but they would all fade into insignificance beside this beauty!
    Tania dived in, coming up right beside him. ?Oh, it?s gorgeous!?
    When a dolphin tried to come up between them, Tania laughed. She grabbed his fin and he pulled her around in the water. She?d never had such fun, ever.
    Grant couldn?t take his eyes off her. The delight on her face warmed his heart. He knew he was beginning to have feelings for her.

    Hopefully that will put it right. Thank you soooooooooo much for mentioning that!! :)) xxx
reply by blondie560 on 15-Jun-2021
    Sandra it?s perfect! Love it!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2021
    Good!! Thank you. :)) xxxxx
Comment from DeboraDyess
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi Sandra. ð???
I'm behind, obviously, but do have a couple of comments before I go back and read up to this point. (What's new, right? I always have two cents to put in! lol)
~ Tania was distraught >> Can you show us? I hate that 'show, don't tell a thing, but it is true. Can you show us his reaction? Wringing hands, creased brow, worried eyes, etc.
~ s cooing sounds to the baby girl who was fast asleep >> do you need a comma before 'who was fast...'? Nothing like a baby to make big, burly men act like goobers! lol
~ They all agreed >> I think this is its own paragraph. Grant'scomment is a new character, in a way. At least, that's how I understand it. lol

Poor guy! I hope Jose doesn't do anything rash... Every Jose I now does. lol.
Still loving it, Sandra!
Blessings and on to the next (previous) chapters!
Blessings, sweet friend,
Debs

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 15-Jun-2021
    Hi Debs, thank you so much for this really lovely review. I'll be sitting down this afternoon going over those points in my MS Manuscript and see if I can show more than tell, as I've done here. It's so good of you to point those sort of things out, it makes me look more at other parts and for future chapters.
    I'm so glad you enjoyed how this part progressed, it's now moving on towards the action ... again!! Lol. Thanks dear friend, it's always a pleasure to read your reviews. Warm hugs, :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from Ulla
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Hi Sandra, again you've written a wonderful continuation to the story. I can understand why Jose is upset and only wants his young family to be safe.
I only found a minor thing:
He a cheeky devil, too. = He's a cheeky devil, too.
I can't wait to reading on. A big hug, Ulla xxx

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2021


reply by the author on 14-Jun-2021
    Aw, thank you for spotting that nit, Ulla! I've corrected it now. You are the only one who spotted that! I'm so pleased you liked this part, I think things will be happening in the next few chapters, and then I can tie it all up. Thank you ever so much for the shiny sixth star, my friend. I really appreciate that. Sending you a warm hug. :)) Sandra xxx