Play another Day
Another random act of violence:45 total reviews
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Ric Myworld,
Nice piece of General Fiction having impressive phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and beautifully depicting adventurous acts of Zack leading ultimately to his victory.
Description of scenes and situations is particularly noteworthy.
Interesting indeed!
Picture enhances depth of the story.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Hello Ric Myworld,
Nice piece of General Fiction having impressive phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end, and beautifully depicting adventurous acts of Zack leading ultimately to his victory.
Description of scenes and situations is particularly noteworthy.
Interesting indeed!
Picture enhances depth of the story.
Comment Written 30-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Hello, RP, my friend. I've missed seeing any posts from you of late and almost sent you a message just to make sure everything is okay. So, although, I'm never satisfied until I see your review and get your thoughts, receiving this message/review relieves my concerns and makes me even happier than usual. Thanks for the extra-special six-star review, but most of all for your continued support, kindness, and encouraging words. I appreciate YOU!
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Ric Myworld, Most Welcome!
I was busy with some family matters, but all's well now.
Please accept my heartfelt thanks for your so lovely words.
With best wishes,
RP
Comment from amahra
Coming really late to this story but still found the writing extraordinary and entertaining.
So, he stepped upon the slippery-steel track and tiptoed, one foot after the other, resembling a circus performer's high-wire act as he bobbed, swayed, and swung his arms for balance. [loved these lines. very descriptive writing]
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Coming really late to this story but still found the writing extraordinary and entertaining.
So, he stepped upon the slippery-steel track and tiptoed, one foot after the other, resembling a circus performer's high-wire act as he bobbed, swayed, and swung his arms for balance. [loved these lines. very descriptive writing]
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much, Amahra, for your kind words and generous review. There is no greater thrill for me than encouragement from talented writers like you. Although I've never read a lot of fantasy, I have always enjoyed your work and had intentions of reading more of it. Since coming back to the site, I have just never been able to catch a story early on and I hate starting in the middle. Much appreciated!
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Ric:
I love it when the good guys outwit the bad guys. Some would call the homeless the bad guys but that is because they don't have compassion for them nor do they realize that there but for the grace of God go them. There is way too much hatred and anger in our world, for sure.
Rdfrdmom2
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Ric:
I love it when the good guys outwit the bad guys. Some would call the homeless the bad guys but that is because they don't have compassion for them nor do they realize that there but for the grace of God go them. There is way too much hatred and anger in our world, for sure.
Rdfrdmom2
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much for your kind words and generous review. And you are so right. People seldom realize that many are one day or a paycheck away from being on the streets themselves. I appreciate you taking time to read my story.
Comment from roof35
This is terrific writing and had me reading at high speed. For some reason I was not alerted that you had posted, but I spotted your post in the Fan Story section. So glad I did.
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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This is terrific writing and had me reading at high speed. For some reason I was not alerted that you had posted, but I spotted your post in the Fan Story section. So glad I did.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much, Roof35, for the extra-special six-star review. And most of all, for taking time to offer your kinds words and encouragement. A little praise from the writers who we read and enjoy daily is the real reason we write at all. It's always a delight to see your smiling face popup on my inbox. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Judy Lawless
This could be a part of a much bigger story, Ric. It is very well written with the use of vivid imagery and action, creating a deep sense of fear and tension. I admire your imagination.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
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This could be a part of a much bigger story, Ric. It is very well written with the use of vivid imagery and action, creating a deep sense of fear and tension. I admire your imagination.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much, Judy, for your extra-special six-star review. Your kind words and encouragement are greatly appreciated. It's reviews like this that keeps old hacks like me plugging along to get better. You've made my week, and I appreciate YOU!
Comment from elchupakabra
The aspiring assailants moved ever closer. Two more shots blared close to Zach's head. (Zack) aspiring assailants, they've already assaulted several people it sounds like so aspiring seems like over-description
Where my paragraphs tend to be too long, I find yours to be too short. The prose is super detailed and overtly descriptive, but the paragraph breaks are often after one or two phrases.
Zack had grabbed the lighter - for all the detailed and descriptive prose, I would change this to Zippo (most popular and commonly used brand name for butane torch lighters, which theoretically could be lit by a person running as opposed to a normal lighter like I imagined most people would use to light a smoke, which neither stay lit when running or when you remove your finger)
My overall advice would be to simplify some of the prose because than it makes your ornate descriptions more important, allowing you to focus on the symbolistic aspects of the piece and go into detail there as opposed to every detail.
Ex: The wind howled through the alley. Zack lay tucked at the back of his damp, cardboard box, covered in musty blankets. Bile burned his throat and he gagged with every whiff of festering, dumpster-rot fumes. Chilled to the bone, he resisted shaking as he feared making any noise. He was alone and afraid, wondering how he could have ended up in such dire straits.
They're minor edits, but instead of describing the winds as howling while personifying them as also whistling, you're reducing to one personification for the wind. This is the prime example here, the wind is being described with 2-3 words when it could be done in one.
The story itself, while I thought at times gratuitous, was still a good one. Great work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
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The aspiring assailants moved ever closer. Two more shots blared close to Zach's head. (Zack) aspiring assailants, they've already assaulted several people it sounds like so aspiring seems like over-description
Where my paragraphs tend to be too long, I find yours to be too short. The prose is super detailed and overtly descriptive, but the paragraph breaks are often after one or two phrases.
Zack had grabbed the lighter - for all the detailed and descriptive prose, I would change this to Zippo (most popular and commonly used brand name for butane torch lighters, which theoretically could be lit by a person running as opposed to a normal lighter like I imagined most people would use to light a smoke, which neither stay lit when running or when you remove your finger)
My overall advice would be to simplify some of the prose because than it makes your ornate descriptions more important, allowing you to focus on the symbolistic aspects of the piece and go into detail there as opposed to every detail.
Ex: The wind howled through the alley. Zack lay tucked at the back of his damp, cardboard box, covered in musty blankets. Bile burned his throat and he gagged with every whiff of festering, dumpster-rot fumes. Chilled to the bone, he resisted shaking as he feared making any noise. He was alone and afraid, wondering how he could have ended up in such dire straits.
They're minor edits, but instead of describing the winds as howling while personifying them as also whistling, you're reducing to one personification for the wind. This is the prime example here, the wind is being described with 2-3 words when it could be done in one.
The story itself, while I thought at times gratuitous, was still a good one. Great work and thanks for sharing. Later daze.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
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Thank you much, Elchupakabra, for your kind words, comments and suggestions. Everyone of them good advice and greatly appreciated. I originally wrote the lighter as a Zippo, because it was the only lighter I'd ever known that would stay lit in the wind, but there was no wind inside. The only other kind I remembered was a Ronson butane. So, what the hell, I just said lighter for those who wouldn't know one from the other. I seldom think real hard about the particulars, I just write fast and refuse to edit and polish. I mostly write to entertain myself and pass time, while hoping a few might enjoy some small part of my stories. I appreciate your time and encouraging review. Thanks, again.
Comment from ShirleyT1
Wow! You are a great writer. Your words just kept building layer upon layer of crime, violence, fear and so much more. I can see this being part of a book or even a movie. You captured all the emotion of Zack as he maneuvered through every danger. Awesome!
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
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Wow! You are a great writer. Your words just kept building layer upon layer of crime, violence, fear and so much more. I can see this being part of a book or even a movie. You captured all the emotion of Zack as he maneuvered through every danger. Awesome!
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much, ShirleyT1, for your extra-special six-star review. I can't thank you enough for your kind and encouraging words that are the gravy on every wannabe-writer's potatoes. It's reviews like yours that keep me striving to get better. But most of all, I'm just glad you liked it and appreciate you spending your time to read it. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from humpwhistle
A hell of a write, Ric. As you say, it's easy for anyone can get caught up in violence for no fault of their own these days. You depict that very well.
Every once in a while you lapse into a passive voice that doesn't match the rest of the piece. And, while I like most of the description, there are passages where it feels a bit forced, and slows the narrative down. Finally, I'm reminded of the validity of the old 'show, don't tell' thing. You leave very little room in which the reader can participate.
All in all, a fine write.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
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A hell of a write, Ric. As you say, it's easy for anyone can get caught up in violence for no fault of their own these days. You depict that very well.
Every once in a while you lapse into a passive voice that doesn't match the rest of the piece. And, while I like most of the description, there are passages where it feels a bit forced, and slows the narrative down. Finally, I'm reminded of the validity of the old 'show, don't tell' thing. You leave very little room in which the reader can participate.
All in all, a fine write.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much, Lee, for your kind words, generous review, comments and suggestions. It's the encouragement from fine writers like you that motivates old hacks like me to keep scratching to learn and get better. Although I have "miles and miles to go before I sleep," when I first came here, I barely knew a noun from a verb. And sometimes, you wouldn't think I've progressed very far from those days. But, reviews like yours give me hope. Thanks again, and it's much appreciated! Ric
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Ric! This is amazing writing, I was there all the time with that poor man. To think this is a way of life for so many unfortunate people, and sport for those that should be no the receiving end. I could hear his ragged breathing, as he ran, trying to be as silent as he could. Your descriptive writing put as right there with him. It was good that he got away and was able to give his moron chasers a wave of victory. As they saying goes ... there but for the grace of God... we should think of that when we see these desperate people. Very well done, my friend, a virtual six! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
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Ric! This is amazing writing, I was there all the time with that poor man. To think this is a way of life for so many unfortunate people, and sport for those that should be no the receiving end. I could hear his ragged breathing, as he ran, trying to be as silent as he could. Your descriptive writing put as right there with him. It was good that he got away and was able to give his moron chasers a wave of victory. As they saying goes ... there but for the grace of God... we should think of that when we see these desperate people. Very well done, my friend, a virtual six! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 29-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much, Sandra, for your kind words and the virtual six. Even for me, a person who can't remember ever being afraid of anything, we live in a scary time. A world consumed with anger and hatred without reason, which makes us wonder how we've fallen so far. Luckily for this character it's only a story, unlike the women murdered in Atlanta, Georgia because they were Asian. I can't thank you enough for your continued support and encouragement. Just seeing one of your reviews or stories pop-up in my inbox makes me happy and puts a smile on my face. Everything else is a delightful bonus. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from Brenda Henderson
Griping and compelling narrative. This strikes me as an excellent opening for a crime drama series like "Law & Order" or some similar television series. Depending upon the identity that you choose to give to Zack it could even be part of an opening segment of a major box office sequel like "Mission Impossible" or "The Bourne Identity" series. Well crafted. Exemplary work!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Griping and compelling narrative. This strikes me as an excellent opening for a crime drama series like "Law & Order" or some similar television series. Depending upon the identity that you choose to give to Zack it could even be part of an opening segment of a major box office sequel like "Mission Impossible" or "The Bourne Identity" series. Well crafted. Exemplary work!
Comment Written 28-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2021
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Thank you so much, Brenda, for your extra-special six-star review. Your kind words and encouraging remarks are greatly appreciated. But most of all, I'm just happy you liked it. You've made my week! And I can't thank you enough! Ric
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You're very welcome!
