Almost Home
The bus ride that never ends.36 total reviews
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
Hello Yard.
In my mind, this is a magnificent narrative that reflects a shocking reality. Anyone that "rode the bus" knows all the meaning packed into this story. I enjoyed this. I'm going to have to read more of what you write. I have several other posts here related to my experience in the Army. None of them are autobiographical, they are fiction with meaning.
Great job!
Robert
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Hello Yard.
In my mind, this is a magnificent narrative that reflects a shocking reality. Anyone that "rode the bus" knows all the meaning packed into this story. I enjoyed this. I'm going to have to read more of what you write. I have several other posts here related to my experience in the Army. None of them are autobiographical, they are fiction with meaning.
Great job!
Robert
Comment Written 31-Mar-2022
reply by the author on 31-Mar-2022
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Thank you, Robert. I am grateful for your understanding and insight. I, too, look forward to reading your prose. We veterans, stay alive by emptying our brain-housing-group with words and music. Sadly too many try to bury their experiences with substance abuse and denial.
Take a look at 'The knot' and let me know what you think.
Yard.
Comment from Susan Newell
It is difficult to capture the subtleties of what that war did to young men, but you have done it exceptionally well. You cared the sense of being at risk right to the end. Kudos. An exceptional piece.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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It is difficult to capture the subtleties of what that war did to young men, but you have done it exceptionally well. You cared the sense of being at risk right to the end. Kudos. An exceptional piece.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Thank you Susan, your insight and review is very much appreciated. You are so right about feeling at risk, sometimes it goes away then sneaks back in the consciousness when one least expects it.
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You are very welcome. It was a moving poem.
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This is a very thought-provoking story about a Vietnam vet's bus ride between the Airforce base and the SF International Airport; the final leg on their journey to freedom. It takes the reader inside his private world, as he makes the transition from military to civilian life.
Here are some suggestions for grammatical revisions, for your consideration:
The non-descript bus bathed by parking lot lighting ...
-->
The nondescript bus bathed by parking lot lighting ...
They were uncomfortable in their stateside attire but gone were the jungle fatigues and muddy boots.
-->
They were uncomfortable in their stateside attire, but gone were the jungle fatigues and muddy boots.
Is this place my place... can rest I here?
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Is this place my place... can I rest here?
... rode another bus to the Veteran's Hospital in Oakland.
-->
... rode another bus to the Veterans Hospital in Oakland.
The soldier didn't speak, he didn't have to, didn't want to.
-->
The soldier didn't speak; he didn't have to, didn't want to.
As the bus began to move John turned away and looked out the window ...
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As the bus began to move, John turned away and looked out the window ...
He closed his eyes as the bus rumbled and picked up speed ...
-->
He closed his eyes as the bus rumbled and picked up speed, ...
***
While I have read somewhat extensively, and done other research on the problems that existed in Vietnam, and in those returning, I am unfamiliar with the terms "minus twos," "minus threes" etc. I have also never heard of the "minus tens," although I'm guessing it may mean that a unit has lost ten soldiers or servicemen -- although I'm not sure why all would then need to go to the morgue; wouldn't some remain alive? Forgive me, please, if I am naive or uninformed, here.
Your well written account here seems very personal, and I'm wondering if it's autobiographical. If it is, then I thank you for your service. If you are so inclined, and would not be disturbed by it, you might consider expanding this and writing more about your experiences, whether before or after this part of your journey. Thank you for sharing it.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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This is a very thought-provoking story about a Vietnam vet's bus ride between the Airforce base and the SF International Airport; the final leg on their journey to freedom. It takes the reader inside his private world, as he makes the transition from military to civilian life.
Here are some suggestions for grammatical revisions, for your consideration:
The non-descript bus bathed by parking lot lighting ...
-->
The nondescript bus bathed by parking lot lighting ...
They were uncomfortable in their stateside attire but gone were the jungle fatigues and muddy boots.
-->
They were uncomfortable in their stateside attire, but gone were the jungle fatigues and muddy boots.
Is this place my place... can rest I here?
-->
Is this place my place... can I rest here?
... rode another bus to the Veteran's Hospital in Oakland.
-->
... rode another bus to the Veterans Hospital in Oakland.
The soldier didn't speak, he didn't have to, didn't want to.
-->
The soldier didn't speak; he didn't have to, didn't want to.
As the bus began to move John turned away and looked out the window ...
-->
As the bus began to move, John turned away and looked out the window ...
He closed his eyes as the bus rumbled and picked up speed ...
-->
He closed his eyes as the bus rumbled and picked up speed, ...
***
While I have read somewhat extensively, and done other research on the problems that existed in Vietnam, and in those returning, I am unfamiliar with the terms "minus twos," "minus threes" etc. I have also never heard of the "minus tens," although I'm guessing it may mean that a unit has lost ten soldiers or servicemen -- although I'm not sure why all would then need to go to the morgue; wouldn't some remain alive? Forgive me, please, if I am naive or uninformed, here.
Your well written account here seems very personal, and I'm wondering if it's autobiographical. If it is, then I thank you for your service. If you are so inclined, and would not be disturbed by it, you might consider expanding this and writing more about your experiences, whether before or after this part of your journey. Thank you for sharing it.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Thank you so much, Mary Kay, for the in depth review. It is very much appreciated.
During the 60's, army draftee's were considered maggots until they graduated from Basic training. During that training period of 12 weeks the name tags on our uniforms were white. They were called maggot tags. Even though trainees are consider Private E-1's, we held no visible rank, we were considered maggots/zeros until graduation. As I am sure you are aware the Army's NCO rank structure is laddered from E-1 to E-9. There is no E-10. That being said, I took literary license with the phrase "Minus twos - threes" etc. to illustrate not accomplishment, but levels of physical and phycological damage with "Minus 10" being dead and "Minus 0" being right back where one started as an inductee.
Yes, it is autobiographical and your encouragement is helping me to write more about that time. Previously, I provided insight regarding my background. You can find it here on FS in my portfolio titled: "Eighteen". I am grateful for your interest and hope you continue to review and comment on my work. R.
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Hello, R! I'm wondering what your first name is, since you signed your name with the initial "R."
I'm delighted to know that my encouragement has helped you in your work, writing about your service to our country. That touches my heart.
While I have previously done research about veterans and particularly the Vietnam Era, I had never really heard about the NCO rank structure, so I thank you for explaining it.
I will read your story "Eighteen," as I'm interested to do so, and I'll also start following you, so I can catch more of your work.
God bless you, my friend. - Mary Kay
Comment from T B Botts
Wow! What a moving story. It's telling that after all these years the memories can still be so fresh. None of the soldiers that were sent to Nam asked to be there, that was a politician's choice, someone with no skin in the game. What those men had to tolerate, both in country and then again when they came home was terrible. Thanks for sharing this heart felt story.
Blessings.
Tom
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Wow! What a moving story. It's telling that after all these years the memories can still be so fresh. None of the soldiers that were sent to Nam asked to be there, that was a politician's choice, someone with no skin in the game. What those men had to tolerate, both in country and then again when they came home was terrible. Thanks for sharing this heart felt story.
Blessings.
Tom
Comment Written 29-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Thanks TB. It never leaves, I have found it is better to share than try to bury it.
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, you wrote this, so beautifully. How a veteran must feel before and after going into battle was made very clear in the beautifully rendered story. I was there and felt it in my soul. Thanks for sharing. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Hi there, you wrote this, so beautifully. How a veteran must feel before and after going into battle was made very clear in the beautifully rendered story. I was there and felt it in my soul. Thanks for sharing. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Ulla, for your review and insight. R.
Comment from Shirley McLain
What a powerful story to read. It brings out a lot of emotion in the reader. I am giving you a six because I didn't find any errors and the storyline was so powerful. I do want to make a suggestion for this sentence to make it a little clearer:Throw in a few firefights, mortars, and tripwire, and.... Throw in a few firefights, mortars, tripwires, and.... Great story and take care, Shirley
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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What a powerful story to read. It brings out a lot of emotion in the reader. I am giving you a six because I didn't find any errors and the storyline was so powerful. I do want to make a suggestion for this sentence to make it a little clearer:Throw in a few firefights, mortars, and tripwire, and.... Throw in a few firefights, mortars, tripwires, and.... Great story and take care, Shirley
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Shirley, for taking the time to review and offer your insight. I'll try to continue to produce work at the 'six' level. R.
Comment from Terry Broxson
Outstanding! The imagery is just wonderful. You have brought life to the bus and the riders. You have gotten inside their minds, explained their feelings, described some thought process and even some motives. Outstanding work!
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Outstanding! The imagery is just wonderful. You have brought life to the bus and the riders. You have gotten inside their minds, explained their feelings, described some thought process and even some motives. Outstanding work!
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Thank you for the 'six', Terry, I'll try to maintain that level of work. R.
Comment from C. Gale Burnett
I felt deeply disturbed and troubled as I read through this poignant story. Once again, you have opened my heart and eyes to a side of the story that few can talk about. The imagery of the bus and the shuffling soldiers finding a seat was wonderful. The paragraphs on the 'minus' numbers were outstanding, adding clarity to the devastating effects, both mental and physical, that Vietnam had on each of the soldiers being bussed home. What stood out in your story was each soldier's worse fear: that of being in battle or coming home.
Awesome in all aspects!
Gale
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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I felt deeply disturbed and troubled as I read through this poignant story. Once again, you have opened my heart and eyes to a side of the story that few can talk about. The imagery of the bus and the shuffling soldiers finding a seat was wonderful. The paragraphs on the 'minus' numbers were outstanding, adding clarity to the devastating effects, both mental and physical, that Vietnam had on each of the soldiers being bussed home. What stood out in your story was each soldier's worse fear: that of being in battle or coming home.
Awesome in all aspects!
Gale
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Thank you so much, Gale! You have affirmed the crux of the story and encouraged me to continue to write/create at that level.
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You are welcome, dear Sir :)
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
The anticipation of going home and almost reaching the destination kept us in suspense here and wanting something this badly somehow tempts fate and it is sometimes snatched away from us. At least John opened his eyes and was still alive! He made be a little late, but he will get home. A poignant write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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The anticipation of going home and almost reaching the destination kept us in suspense here and wanting something this badly somehow tempts fate and it is sometimes snatched away from us. At least John opened his eyes and was still alive! He made be a little late, but he will get home. A poignant write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 24-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Dolly. Yes, John has opened his eyes and made it home. He is sharing what he has seen so others may open their eyes too.
Comment from dellsworthpoet
An interesting story. Combat, like so many things, changes a person and they can never really go home. They can find a new place, but the old place will never be the same for them.
This is a fine metaphor for major trauma. The images are good. The pace is appropriate. The emotions, or lack thereof are described well. It is also a truth in itself.
A good, if jarring read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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An interesting story. Combat, like so many things, changes a person and they can never really go home. They can find a new place, but the old place will never be the same for them.
This is a fine metaphor for major trauma. The images are good. The pace is appropriate. The emotions, or lack thereof are described well. It is also a truth in itself.
A good, if jarring read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Dells. Jarring? Yes indeed.
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You are welcome.
