Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Revenge - Chap 9"Evil stalks the dynamic crime team
20 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Here I am! Late to the party, as usual. hahaha
Another body. Wow. These guys are on a special mission - and I guess their purpose is to torment Allie to pieces. The scary part is we still don't know where the real Jaz IS. Hmmm... What have you got cooking?
And, plus, all these poor 'extra' girls are just being sacrificed for no reason. Wow.
Moving on-
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2021
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Carol,
Here I am! Late to the party, as usual. hahaha
Another body. Wow. These guys are on a special mission - and I guess their purpose is to torment Allie to pieces. The scary part is we still don't know where the real Jaz IS. Hmmm... What have you got cooking?
And, plus, all these poor 'extra' girls are just being sacrificed for no reason. Wow.
Moving on-
Comment Written 30-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2021
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I apologize that life has put me so far behind. I appreciate your thoughts and time.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from LJbutterfly
I continue to be intrigued by all the twists and turns and suspense. The dialogue continues to be realistic, and your injections of humor lightens to gruesome theme of murder.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2021
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I continue to be intrigued by all the twists and turns and suspense. The dialogue continues to be realistic, and your injections of humor lightens to gruesome theme of murder.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2021
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I apologize that life has put me so far behind. I appreciate your thoughts and time.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Does this chapter need a warning for violence? Or does the actual violence happen behind the scenes? Still, this book seems to have a high body count, considering that we're not too far into it, yet. I know it's part of the story, and all needs to be explained.
Here are my suggestions for revisions:
"Though, that French crueler with the raspberry filling ...
-->
"Though, that French cruller with the raspberry filling ...
"Guess she's a wanna-be.
-->
"Guess she's a wannabe.
"What reason would a hooker have in this area?
-->
"What reason would a hooker have to be in this area?
Hank asked the dreaded question that all of them were wondering.
-->
Hank asked the dreaded question that all of them were wondering about.
***
It's so great that we still have so many of our old characters, from your last book. And I'm glad that this latest person, DOA, isn't Allie's sister Jaz.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Does this chapter need a warning for violence? Or does the actual violence happen behind the scenes? Still, this book seems to have a high body count, considering that we're not too far into it, yet. I know it's part of the story, and all needs to be explained.
Here are my suggestions for revisions:
"Though, that French crueler with the raspberry filling ...
-->
"Though, that French cruller with the raspberry filling ...
"Guess she's a wanna-be.
-->
"Guess she's a wannabe.
"What reason would a hooker have in this area?
-->
"What reason would a hooker have to be in this area?
Hank asked the dreaded question that all of them were wondering.
-->
Hank asked the dreaded question that all of them were wondering about.
***
It's so great that we still have so many of our old characters, from your last book. And I'm glad that this latest person, DOA, isn't Allie's sister Jaz.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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I find my mind walks easier through a dark fictional murder mystery than it can through reality at the moment. Please know that without your support and constant encouragement, I doubt that I could exist. The only glimmer of hope I find is with you and others like you on this site. I am so appreciative of your time and effort to review my story and I apologize for always being behind with my thank yous. please know that I read each and everyone when they arrive though I lag far behind in the thank you department.
Your support is my silver lining. Thank you! Carol
Comment from BethShelby
The game this creep is playing to convince Allie her sister has been murdered is causeing other women to become victim. I hope is plan isn't to eventually end up killing Jaz. I wonder where she is being held captive whan he used her jewelry and other things to confuse other. I'm enjoying your story.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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The game this creep is playing to convince Allie her sister has been murdered is causeing other women to become victim. I hope is plan isn't to eventually end up killing Jaz. I wonder where she is being held captive whan he used her jewelry and other things to confuse other. I'm enjoying your story.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks Beth... I am about to step up the story a little with more information and the hunt begins. Thanks so much for reading and enjoying.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I like the way you describe the scenes. I also like how the dialogue takes the story forward smoothly. So, the brutal killings take the centre place. Are they collateral damages? I like the suspense. Keep them coming!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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I like the way you describe the scenes. I also like how the dialogue takes the story forward smoothly. So, the brutal killings take the centre place. Are they collateral damages? I like the suspense. Keep them coming!
Comment Written 28-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Wendy G
Carol, that sheriff is up to no good! But he isn't too bright. I am glad it's not Jaz, but there are a few victims in this story already, and you've only just begun. Waiting for the info about the sheriff! Another great story developing here.
Wendy
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Carol, that sheriff is up to no good! But he isn't too bright. I am glad it's not Jaz, but there are a few victims in this story already, and you've only just begun. Waiting for the info about the sheriff! Another great story developing here.
Wendy
Comment Written 28-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from karenina
Glad, first of all to see you posting. I somehow think it's great therapy for you to escape into your writing?
Yikes. Another murder to antagonize Allie? These villains need a new hobby!
Begs the question, just where is Jaz?!
Good tit for tat between Garth and Welcher...(can't decide if he's brusque or evil yet!)
Ummm..
French crueler -- CRULLER?
How d'you get here -- HOW'D you get here
Crossing the crime tape was more accessible... --- was EASIER
his EARS tuned into their conversations.... Maybe He picked up on their conversations. (?)
It appears the FBI has arrived at the scene--
It appears you be FBI has arrived. (at the scene is undertstood)
"What reason would a hooker in this area?"--
Stited... Why would a hooker be in this area?
" You got enough money with you darling (?)
I'm mighty hungry."
Just some thoughts....
Karenina
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Glad, first of all to see you posting. I somehow think it's great therapy for you to escape into your writing?
Yikes. Another murder to antagonize Allie? These villains need a new hobby!
Begs the question, just where is Jaz?!
Good tit for tat between Garth and Welcher...(can't decide if he's brusque or evil yet!)
Ummm..
French crueler -- CRULLER?
How d'you get here -- HOW'D you get here
Crossing the crime tape was more accessible... --- was EASIER
his EARS tuned into their conversations.... Maybe He picked up on their conversations. (?)
It appears the FBI has arrived at the scene--
It appears you be FBI has arrived. (at the scene is undertstood)
"What reason would a hooker in this area?"--
Stited... Why would a hooker be in this area?
" You got enough money with you darling (?)
I'm mighty hungry."
Just some thoughts....
Karenina
Comment Written 28-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
-
I find my mind walks easier through a dark fictional murder mystery than it can through reality at the moment. Please know that without your support and constant encouragement, I doubt that I could exist. The only glimmer of hope I find is with you and others like you on this site. I am so appreciative of your time and effort to review my story and I apologize for always being behind with my thank yous. please know that I read each and everyone when they arrive though I lag far behind in the thank you department.
Your support is my silver lining. Thank you! Carol
Comment from lyenochka
Glad Hank will finally get his pastries! Lol. Great descriptions and I couldn't help but think of you as a chef when you described the pastries. I really liked "Red and blue lights reflected in the store windows and lit the area like Christmas."
Welcher still seems like a defensive personality. Hope Emmy got the juicy information that will help the team. Great job with this!
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Glad Hank will finally get his pastries! Lol. Great descriptions and I couldn't help but think of you as a chef when you described the pastries. I really liked "Red and blue lights reflected in the store windows and lit the area like Christmas."
Welcher still seems like a defensive personality. Hope Emmy got the juicy information that will help the team. Great job with this!
Comment Written 27-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from lancellot
Another well made chapter, but you seemed to have a double copy on the end of the chapter. You'll have to go in and delete that second one.
Good mystery going. I think the sheriff may be coming around. He is slow but Garth's expertise is too valuable to lose if bodies continue to pile up.
Well done. Great conversations.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Another well made chapter, but you seemed to have a double copy on the end of the chapter. You'll have to go in and delete that second one.
Good mystery going. I think the sheriff may be coming around. He is slow but Garth's expertise is too valuable to lose if bodies continue to pile up.
Well done. Great conversations.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
Good writing in this chapter. The dialogue moves the story forward nicely. Makes me want a jelly donut! I'm wondering what the women will be revealing about the sheriff. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Good writing in this chapter. The dialogue moves the story forward nicely. Makes me want a jelly donut! I'm wondering what the women will be revealing about the sheriff. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 27-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2021
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Thanks so much for the review and for enjoying my story. I hope it continues to draw your interest into the plot.
Hugs, Carol
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It's a great story. I hope you're able to keep writing under all the stresses. Blessings.
