Concertina
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "#2 Pencil"Vietnam veteran comes to the end of his denial.
21 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I can't wait to see who Lee is going to talk with. I hope he gets the needed help. One of my son's, he's 43, did 25 years in the Army and 6 tours of Afghanistan. He's having some issues. Since he's a grown man, as a mom I can only pray.
Dawn sat up cautiously and scooched next to him and placed her face against his shoulder. "This has got to stop. It's getting worse...." (scooched beside him)
there wasn't anything in those books that he hadn't already seen or experienced in 'Nam. (you can omit 'that')
He smiled as he unlocked the door and stepped into the cab and sat down on the springy bench seat. (you can omit 'down')
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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I can't wait to see who Lee is going to talk with. I hope he gets the needed help. One of my son's, he's 43, did 25 years in the Army and 6 tours of Afghanistan. He's having some issues. Since he's a grown man, as a mom I can only pray.
Dawn sat up cautiously and scooched next to him and placed her face against his shoulder. "This has got to stop. It's getting worse...." (scooched beside him)
there wasn't anything in those books that he hadn't already seen or experienced in 'Nam. (you can omit 'that')
He smiled as he unlocked the door and stepped into the cab and sat down on the springy bench seat. (you can omit 'down')
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Barbara. I can always count on you for a very good constructive review. Your suggestions are well received and hopefully, as time goes by you won't have to make many more.
Lee, is on the road to recovery but, it is going to get darker before he see's the light.
Yes, a mother's prayer is God's delight. I will send one up as well. Rad.
Comment from RGstar
Virtual Six******
Sorry I do not have a six for this. Some of my best work are concerning soldiers, and in fact, my next release is of such.
This was just a measured, and if I may say so, heart warming piece of prose.
Your writing, as well the contents are free from sensations for sensation's sake. Truly down to earth and part of real life that one can listen to again, and again.
I could have read more...thank you.
Wishing you a pleasant week, and a good weekend.
Best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Virtual Six******
Sorry I do not have a six for this. Some of my best work are concerning soldiers, and in fact, my next release is of such.
This was just a measured, and if I may say so, heart warming piece of prose.
Your writing, as well the contents are free from sensations for sensation's sake. Truly down to earth and part of real life that one can listen to again, and again.
I could have read more...thank you.
Wishing you a pleasant week, and a good weekend.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
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Thanks so much, RG, for the Virtual six. I love it!
I just posted Chapter 2 of Concertina and I hope you continue to journey with me as the story develops. Rad.
Comment from prettybluebirds
The VietNam war left a lot of dead and damaged people in its wake. My brother, Ken, was in that war and contracted liver cancer caused by Agent Orange. He also had nightmares about the war. What bothered him the most was the children the Vietcong used in their battle tactics. My brother died in 2008 after fighting cancer for 8 years. Your story brought back memories of the aftereffects my brother suffered on account of that war.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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The VietNam war left a lot of dead and damaged people in its wake. My brother, Ken, was in that war and contracted liver cancer caused by Agent Orange. He also had nightmares about the war. What bothered him the most was the children the Vietcong used in their battle tactics. My brother died in 2008 after fighting cancer for 8 years. Your story brought back memories of the aftereffects my brother suffered on account of that war.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you, PB. I am sorry to hear about your brother, it sounds like he was a fighter to the end. Blessings to you and yours, Rad
Comment from Ric Myworld
They don't give us enough sixes to reward all the most deserving pieces, but luckily, today, I'm glad to have one. The alcohol and cigarettes go along way toward keeping things clean and tidy for those around us. Whether Nam or the streets, cigarettes keep our shaky hands busy, and the alcohol drowns the dreams and memories to a degree, or at least until the confusion comes flooding back. Someone once asked me if I was an alcoholic. To which I replied, nope, I know I'm not. Then, they asked how I knew, and I replied, because an alcoholic needs help . . . I just need another f . . . ing drink. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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They don't give us enough sixes to reward all the most deserving pieces, but luckily, today, I'm glad to have one. The alcohol and cigarettes go along way toward keeping things clean and tidy for those around us. Whether Nam or the streets, cigarettes keep our shaky hands busy, and the alcohol drowns the dreams and memories to a degree, or at least until the confusion comes flooding back. Someone once asked me if I was an alcoholic. To which I replied, nope, I know I'm not. Then, they asked how I knew, and I replied, because an alcoholic needs help . . . I just need another f . . . ing drink. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thanks, Ric. I need one too.
Comment from amahra
This first chapter was very well written and really set the tone for this new novel. I was wondering how and where this number two pencil would mean anything. And boy, it not only does but coupled with "Always be prepared, (which is also a motto of Mao Si Tung) makes a fantastic theme for this story. BRAVO!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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This first chapter was very well written and really set the tone for this new novel. I was wondering how and where this number two pencil would mean anything. And boy, it not only does but coupled with "Always be prepared, (which is also a motto of Mao Si Tung) makes a fantastic theme for this story. BRAVO!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you so much, Amahra for you generous review and kind words. Chapter 2 (Lights Out) has been posted and Chapter 3 will be posted today. I look forward to your critical eye. Rad
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Yardier,
Nice piece of General Fiction having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lovely imagery at several places, and depicting the story of Lee and Dawn in an interesting way.
These lines are particularly noteworthy:
"Dawn lay back down and rolled over with her back to him and said to the wall, "Please don't take this the wrong way, you know I love you, but... if you keep waking me with those 'Nam dreams as you call them... well, I think it would be better for you to sleep in the guest bedroom... until, you know, you can be... I mean, sleep normal."
Worth enjoying story!
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Hello Yardier,
Nice piece of General Fiction having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme phraseology, captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lovely imagery at several places, and depicting the story of Lee and Dawn in an interesting way.
These lines are particularly noteworthy:
"Dawn lay back down and rolled over with her back to him and said to the wall, "Please don't take this the wrong way, you know I love you, but... if you keep waking me with those 'Nam dreams as you call them... well, I think it would be better for you to sleep in the guest bedroom... until, you know, you can be... I mean, sleep normal."
Worth enjoying story!
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you, RPS, for your kind words. Chapter 2 has been posted and Chapter 3 will be posted today. I look forward to your constructive criticism. Rad
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Yardier, Most Welcome!
& Sure.
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was brilliant. I'll be away for two weeks, but will look for the next parts as soon as I get home. I've always felt so sorry for the Vietnam vets who were treated so badly when they came home after living a nightmare. (and I'm English!) I'll make a note and leave it on here. I enjoyed reading this compelling part of your story. Well done. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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That was brilliant. I'll be away for two weeks, but will look for the next parts as soon as I get home. I've always felt so sorry for the Vietnam vets who were treated so badly when they came home after living a nightmare. (and I'm English!) I'll make a note and leave it on here. I enjoyed reading this compelling part of your story. Well done. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Sandra, for your kind words and generous review. Chapter's 2 & 3 will be waiting for you. Rad
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This General Fiction, a Chapter in the book Concertina, speaks you can't fix or repair anything without a #2 pencil; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this, happy reviewing this legible on white background, my dear writer, read-write-post more-more-more, fast, time is precious-limited, I, DR, wrote 114 books on God, Law, Truth. ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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This General Fiction, a Chapter in the book Concertina, speaks you can't fix or repair anything without a #2 pencil; well said, well done, thanks 4 sharing this, happy reviewing this legible on white background, my dear writer, read-write-post more-more-more, fast, time is precious-limited, I, DR, wrote 114 books on God, Law, Truth. ALCREATOR
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you my friend.
Comment from Allezw2
And hundreds more who were unable to accommodate the constant nagging fear that marked every waking moment when incountry. The mad minutes in the field and seemingly pointless, often bloodily accomplished objectives marked an existence seemingly designed to destroy everyone involved. Heloed in to setup a fire base, shoot hundreds of shells at a far point when directed, then empty the sandbags and retreat, flying back to the main base. Thirteen months or a year, each day was marking another one closer to either survival or oblivion. This was far shorter than the years spent by the Allied combatants in WWII's SWPAO, though no less debilitating. You've shown a clear understanding of the Great Central Valley's geography which gives this story an element of verisimilitude.
Wishing your characters well, Fantasist
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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And hundreds more who were unable to accommodate the constant nagging fear that marked every waking moment when incountry. The mad minutes in the field and seemingly pointless, often bloodily accomplished objectives marked an existence seemingly designed to destroy everyone involved. Heloed in to setup a fire base, shoot hundreds of shells at a far point when directed, then empty the sandbags and retreat, flying back to the main base. Thirteen months or a year, each day was marking another one closer to either survival or oblivion. This was far shorter than the years spent by the Allied combatants in WWII's SWPAO, though no less debilitating. You've shown a clear understanding of the Great Central Valley's geography which gives this story an element of verisimilitude.
Wishing your characters well, Fantasist
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Fantasist. Sounds like you have first hand experience in the 'Nam. If so, welcome home my brother. Rad
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Not quite. Though, thank you for the acknowledgment and sentiment.
Comment from royowen
I think the only thing that troubles me about my mother, father and brother, although mum said she believed before she died, but I have no idea if my brother or dad ever made a decision, I hope they did, but there's only one way I'll find out, when I die, I hope they're there. Beautifully written My friend, blessings Roy
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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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I think the only thing that troubles me about my mother, father and brother, although mum said she believed before she died, but I have no idea if my brother or dad ever made a decision, I hope they did, but there's only one way I'll find out, when I die, I hope they're there. Beautifully written My friend, blessings Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2021
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Thank you, Roy. Regardless if we know where a loved one or friend has ended up, we can rejoice knowing God's perfect will has been accomplished.
I hope you stick with this story for the deep dive Lee is going to endure before healing takes place.
Chapter 2 has been posted and Chapter 3 will be posted today. Rad.
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Well done
