Waiting
One of life's many decisions55 total reviews
Comment from royowen
What a clever little poem. Sort of like a bush ballad with a twist, when one thinks irs going in one direction and then it goes in another, great rhythm and theme, good, nicely rhymed in abcb, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
  |
What a clever little poem. Sort of like a bush ballad with a twist, when one thinks irs going in one direction and then it goes in another, great rhythm and theme, good, nicely rhymed in abcb, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Roy. A bush ballad with a twist. That sounds like a mixed drink.
-
Well done
Comment from Sherry Asbury
This is a very well-written poem that touches the heart. It isn't always easy to do all the right things and you need to take chance or two once in a while. You have done well with the rules and the poem is so sweet!!
A great entry for the contest!!
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
|
This is a very well-written poem that touches the heart. It isn't always easy to do all the right things and you need to take chance or two once in a while. You have done well with the rules and the poem is so sweet!!
A great entry for the contest!!
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Sherry. It touches the heart? I thought it touched the funny bone.
Comment from LisaMay
I love the humour in this where love equates to the security of home ownership. Your poem is cutely misleading, with hesitancy and persuasion being the hallmarks of developing a relationship.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
|
I love the humour in this where love equates to the security of home ownership. Your poem is cutely misleading, with hesitancy and persuasion being the hallmarks of developing a relationship.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, LisaMay. "...cutely misleading". I like that.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
Haha. It all coms down to a condo that is a deal breaker. Or at least it should help. A newly wed should have a place of their own. It's a minimum requirement which is at least in China where a place of their own is often a privilege of a necessity.
Well done.
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
|
Haha. It all coms down to a condo that is a deal breaker. Or at least it should help. A newly wed should have a place of their own. It's a minimum requirement which is at least in China where a place of their own is often a privilege of a necessity.
Well done.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Jasmine. I wonder how many times a condo has been a deal breaker.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A well rhymed and metered poem about two young lovers making vital decisions about their future together as they want to share a home, much enjoyed. Just one suggestion for this line.
"I think (we'd) better talk this out,"
Love Dolly x
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
|
A well rhymed and metered poem about two young lovers making vital decisions about their future together as they want to share a home, much enjoyed. Just one suggestion for this line.
"I think (we'd) better talk this out,"
Love Dolly x
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Dolly. I've made the change. I thought about that when I wrote the poem and went with my version, but you are right.
-
Glad this was helpful x x x
Comment from Richard Montfort Cary
Thought I ought to come over here to see your portfolio.... what a delight! You have the dancing rhythm and rhyme that is so suitable for this pleasant poem. And a lovely sense of humor. There is kindness in the whole of it, rather than macho-ness. Congrats! Oh, and by the way, I spent 45 years toiling away on Nantucket, first as a designer/carpenter, then as the founder and artistic director of Actors Theatre of Nantucket; salt in our bones! Now I'm out in the western tip of North Carolina....
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
|
Thought I ought to come over here to see your portfolio.... what a delight! You have the dancing rhythm and rhyme that is so suitable for this pleasant poem. And a lovely sense of humor. There is kindness in the whole of it, rather than macho-ness. Congrats! Oh, and by the way, I spent 45 years toiling away on Nantucket, first as a designer/carpenter, then as the founder and artistic director of Actors Theatre of Nantucket; salt in our bones! Now I'm out in the western tip of North Carolina....
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
-
Thanks for the kind words, Richard. You might not believe this, but I made a Nantucket basket for my wife a number of years ago.
Comment from Eternal Muse
That is a moving and beautiful love poem. You spell out what you want out of the relationship:
A lifetime of commitment,
Well, at least a year or two
Is what we must agree on now,
And it's all up to you.
I like how you sound committed, there is no doubt in your mind.
Excellent imagery, visuals and artistic presentation.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
|
That is a moving and beautiful love poem. You spell out what you want out of the relationship:
A lifetime of commitment,
Well, at least a year or two
Is what we must agree on now,
And it's all up to you.
I like how you sound committed, there is no doubt in your mind.
Excellent imagery, visuals and artistic presentation.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
-
Thanks for the review and kind words. My wife thinks I should be committed.
Comment from zanya
Some subtle, heartfelt expressions of sincere love expressed here- more authentic perhaps than the more blatant, off-the - cuff love declarations between a couple - ending with a very real life situation- enjoyable read
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
 |
Some subtle, heartfelt expressions of sincere love expressed here- more authentic perhaps than the more blatant, off-the - cuff love declarations between a couple - ending with a very real life situation- enjoyable read
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Zanya. Glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from amahra
Oh, wow! This was so cool. It totally fooled me and caught me by surprise. A condo? You wrote this so well. Even the artwork through me off which I'm sure was the plan.
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
|
Oh, wow! This was so cool. It totally fooled me and caught me by surprise. A condo? You wrote this so well. Even the artwork through me off which I'm sure was the plan.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, amahra. The last stanza took me a few minutes, but I finally got it.
Comment from dragonpoet
It sounds like he may or may not be in love, It seems like he may be using her to get the condo.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
|
It sounds like he may or may not be in love, It seems like he may be using her to get the condo.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Joan
Comment Written 22-Nov-2021
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2021
-
Thanks, Joan. I never thought of that.
-
No problem.
Joan
