Back to Work
a poem11 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
It's the busiest time to work at a grocery store and I'm sure so many people are resorting to that job because they are hiring. This poem gives us a real slice of life today. Congratulations on the win!!
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2021
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It's the busiest time to work at a grocery store and I'm sure so many people are resorting to that job because they are hiring. This poem gives us a real slice of life today. Congratulations on the win!!
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Helen. I was hoping to get an end of year surge in, but see its fruitlessness. This win was really due to limited participation.
Comment from Justin Chopin
Well done Bill. Enjoyed this silly little piece of poetry especially the ending where your character becomes the manager of the very store he was feeling so reluctant to work at . I guess hard work does have its benefits doesn't it. Great job.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Well done Bill. Enjoyed this silly little piece of poetry especially the ending where your character becomes the manager of the very store he was feeling so reluctant to work at . I guess hard work does have its benefits doesn't it. Great job.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Justin
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You're welcome Bill.
Comment from LisaMay
What a runaway success your poem was in the contest! And rightly so - well penned as to rhyme and metre but also pointing the finger in an amusing way at the too-often different work ethics apparent between seniors and younger employees - being punctual and taking pride are the biggies.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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What a runaway success your poem was in the contest! And rightly so - well penned as to rhyme and metre but also pointing the finger in an amusing way at the too-often different work ethics apparent between seniors and younger employees - being punctual and taking pride are the biggies.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Lisa.
Comment from judiverse
I just happened to see this. Great work, and congratulations on you contest win. I see some older employees at the Kroger where I shop. I believe they are more dedicated and punctual than the younger set. Your poem is funny with the 19-year-old manager and then the retiree being promoted to manager when the 19-year-old makes VP. You make a true assessment about people not showing up for work, whereas the retiree is bright-eyed and punctual. Great rhyme in this and great commentary. Kroger has a table at the front of the store where people can pick up applications. They are always looking for help. judi
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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I just happened to see this. Great work, and congratulations on you contest win. I see some older employees at the Kroger where I shop. I believe they are more dedicated and punctual than the younger set. Your poem is funny with the 19-year-old manager and then the retiree being promoted to manager when the 19-year-old makes VP. You make a true assessment about people not showing up for work, whereas the retiree is bright-eyed and punctual. Great rhyme in this and great commentary. Kroger has a table at the front of the store where people can pick up applications. They are always looking for help. judi
Comment Written 03-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Judi. Yes, our Meijer store is many seniors working as do the fast-food restaurants. The difference between the young and old is basically pride in doing something well.
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You're welcome. That is so true. judi
Comment from Susan Newell
Great entry for the contest and great commentary on both the work ethic and what used to be referred to as the Peter Principle -- promoting people until they are over their heads' with regard to ability.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Great entry for the contest and great commentary on both the work ethic and what used to be referred to as the Peter Principle -- promoting people until they are over their heads' with regard to ability.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Susan
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I read the other entries. This is a standout.
Comment from Wendy G
A nice one, with suitable rhyme, and the rhythm flows well. And I am glad the guy got promoted! Well presented with a good choice of image. Hope it does well.
Wendy
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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A nice one, with suitable rhyme, and the rhythm flows well. And I am glad the guy got promoted! Well presented with a good choice of image. Hope it does well.
Wendy
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Wendy.
Comment from zanya
This poem for the Workplace Consternation prompt raises a hearty chuckle in our currently crazy, upside- down world and it rhymes - has a large grain of truth too !!
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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This poem for the Workplace Consternation prompt raises a hearty chuckle in our currently crazy, upside- down world and it rhymes - has a large grain of truth too !!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Zanya
Comment from Frank Ball
well done. This is good workmanship, fun to read, and has a point. Your rhyming instinct has paid off well in this amusing piece. Write on and have as much fun as you can.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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well done. This is good workmanship, fun to read, and has a point. Your rhyming instinct has paid off well in this amusing piece. Write on and have as much fun as you can.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Frank
Comment from Ken Weene
Cute and fun but not sure it meets the contest criterion of creating wonder. I do think if you read this out loud you will find a few words that could be removed to keep a better rhythm.
One more thing, poems don't have to conform to reality. You might want to rethink the last verse and have that manager flee or otherwise get out of there.
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reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Cute and fun but not sure it meets the contest criterion of creating wonder. I do think if you read this out loud you will find a few words that could be removed to keep a better rhythm.
One more thing, poems don't have to conform to reality. You might want to rethink the last verse and have that manager flee or otherwise get out of there.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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Well, Ken, I think your take on the contest goal is flawed. The term consternation, which is the topic, lends itself more to anxiety and dismay than wonder, in the sense you imply. If that's what you have based your review, I hope you will reconsider.
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Consternation implies confusion and wonder. However, no that was not the basis for my review. I think you should read this out loud and you will realize that you go off rhythm. Also, I feel that you have stayed to close to reality to create any fun with your poem.
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Okeedokee.
Comment from Proteus15
I liked it...a day in the life! Very light hearted...it feels as if your character is expressed in the words and pacing. One thing you could do is replace common/typical words or phrases like "a bit of a jerk" with something more striking or unexpected like "a blossoming jerk"
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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I liked it...a day in the life! Very light hearted...it feels as if your character is expressed in the words and pacing. One thing you could do is replace common/typical words or phrases like "a bit of a jerk" with something more striking or unexpected like "a blossoming jerk"
Comment Written 01-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2021
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I like your suggestion, P. I may use it. Thanks.
