Nightfall
As the sun set ...11 total reviews
Comment from Annmuma
Tis a pity that 6 stars are the max allowed! What a beautiful thought and so well presented. It grabs the heart and all the senses with word one and holds on tight until the last word. Good luck in the contest. ann
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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Tis a pity that 6 stars are the max allowed! What a beautiful thought and so well presented. It grabs the heart and all the senses with word one and holds on tight until the last word. Good luck in the contest. ann
Comment Written 20-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2021
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Wow, thank you so much Ann! Your words are so encouraging, and I am so happy that you entered into my thoughts so perfectly. Many thanks for the honour of six stars. I value this greatly.
Comment from harmony13
The author's words are filled with meaning, describe unconditional love,
sad at the end, and are creative. I thought about the sadness of the
ending. Experiencing this kind of love is truly a gift and a beautiful memory. The poem flows and connects well.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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The author's words are filled with meaning, describe unconditional love,
sad at the end, and are creative. I thought about the sadness of the
ending. Experiencing this kind of love is truly a gift and a beautiful memory. The poem flows and connects well.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much. I appreciate your thoughtful review.
Comment from royowen
What a very sad refrain, poignant and pointed, beautifully written my friend. I think as we age, there is always someone from our past that has moved us from very deep sorrow, to cause us sadness for all our days. This is beautifully written and scribed so well, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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What a very sad refrain, poignant and pointed, beautifully written my friend. I think as we age, there is always someone from our past that has moved us from very deep sorrow, to cause us sadness for all our days. This is beautifully written and scribed so well, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 16-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much Roy for your thoughtful and encouraging review. I appreciate it.
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Most welcome
Comment from Paul McFarland
I can't believe that I'm giving six stars to a free verse poem, but this one is outstanding. I am sure that many of us can identify with this piece. Isaac Azimov would be proud.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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I can't believe that I'm giving six stars to a free verse poem, but this one is outstanding. I am sure that many of us can identify with this piece. Isaac Azimov would be proud.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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Thank you Paul - high praise indeed. I greatly value the six stars and Exceptional rating as well.
Comment from LisaMay
I love the artistry inherent in this poem, both in the characters' activity together, the description of skies, and through your words describing the relationship. It is achingly poignant - a glimpse of moments too briefly shared.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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I love the artistry inherent in this poem, both in the characters' activity together, the description of skies, and through your words describing the relationship. It is achingly poignant - a glimpse of moments too briefly shared.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much. I do appreciate your thoughtful and understanding review.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Beautifully executed and touching poetry. This one brought tears to my eyes. I loved every word and did so enjoy reading this poem. I see it is a contest entry so I wish you the best of luck.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Beautifully executed and touching poetry. This one brought tears to my eyes. I loved every word and did so enjoy reading this poem. I see it is a contest entry so I wish you the best of luck.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Thank you so much for your very lovely review. I appreciate your words and good wishes.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
What a lovely ode to someone dear and special who has left you mourning. The words flowed quite fluidly down the page and made the reading nice and even and a bit comforting. Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Dear Mystery Writer,
What a lovely ode to someone dear and special who has left you mourning. The words flowed quite fluidly down the page and made the reading nice and even and a bit comforting. Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Thank you very much Robyn. A lovely review, and thanks too for the good wishes.
Comment from Frank Malley
"Nightfall" is a eulogy in poem form. It expresses the fulfillment and delight that a close relationship brought to the narrator, and in the last three stanzas uses the chronology of the day's progress into night to parallel the experiences within the clearly loving relationship the poem celebrates. In verse 1, I think line 4 and line 3 should be swapped in their sequence, leaving out the "And" in line 4. I think this lovely collection of grateful acknowledgements could be strengthened by the use of concrete examples to replace more literal expressions that create images and ideas. For example, instead of "We sat together, and watched breathlessly" I would consider 'Our shoulders touched, I felt you breathe.' Strive to put the reader physically into the experience. In conclusion: I like this poem, but its language could become more of a touch and less of a thought.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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"Nightfall" is a eulogy in poem form. It expresses the fulfillment and delight that a close relationship brought to the narrator, and in the last three stanzas uses the chronology of the day's progress into night to parallel the experiences within the clearly loving relationship the poem celebrates. In verse 1, I think line 4 and line 3 should be swapped in their sequence, leaving out the "And" in line 4. I think this lovely collection of grateful acknowledgements could be strengthened by the use of concrete examples to replace more literal expressions that create images and ideas. For example, instead of "We sat together, and watched breathlessly" I would consider 'Our shoulders touched, I felt you breathe.' Strive to put the reader physically into the experience. In conclusion: I like this poem, but its language could become more of a touch and less of a thought.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Thank you Frank for your lovely review, and thoughtful suggestions. I appreciate your time and ideas, and will definitely go back to reconsider and and adopt at least some of them. I chose "breathlessly" because of being breathless with awe at the sunset, and then wanted to contrast it with the other aspect of "breathless" as in death. But I will look at it again. Thank you again. God to bounce ideas off people.
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The objective correlative of your work reminisces the great sail of a burgeoning love affair, whose rising and setting could only be likened to the daily rising and setting of the sun.
The work highlights the protagonist's description of his or her better half as the light bearer from whom wisdom exudes and pervades; albeit united at sunset and yet gentle, kind and sharing their Sunshine's and sunsets together until death took one of the away to deprive him or her of the sunshine and sunsets the shared as lovers.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of similes, metaphors and alliterations.
Excellent work. Bravo.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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The objective correlative of your work reminisces the great sail of a burgeoning love affair, whose rising and setting could only be likened to the daily rising and setting of the sun.
The work highlights the protagonist's description of his or her better half as the light bearer from whom wisdom exudes and pervades; albeit united at sunset and yet gentle, kind and sharing their Sunshine's and sunsets together until death took one of the away to deprive him or her of the sunshine and sunsets the shared as lovers.
The work earns its texture through its effective use of similes, metaphors and alliterations.
Excellent work. Bravo.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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hank you very much Lloyd for your thoughtful review. Much appreciated.
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Remain Blessed.
Comment from dragonpoet
This poem is happy and sad at the same time. It uses sunset in it true and metaphoric sense. It shows of a second love late in life. It describes the beauty of a sunset and the beauty of love. It also use the sunset as the a metaphor for the end of life and the darkness grief brings.
Well done.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Happy Holidays
Joan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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This poem is happy and sad at the same time. It uses sunset in it true and metaphoric sense. It shows of a second love late in life. It describes the beauty of a sunset and the beauty of love. It also use the sunset as the a metaphor for the end of life and the darkness grief brings.
Well done.
Good luck in the contest.
Keep writing and stay healthy
Happy Holidays
Joan
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Thank you very much Joan. You have understood perfectly. Thanks too for your lovely wishes. I send my greetings for the Christmas season too to you and your loved ones.
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Don't mention it. Thanks for the holiday wishes.
Joan
