Future Citizen!
Revelation Chap, 1326 total reviews
Comment from billscott
This should be classified as a horror piece. Seriously. I pray none of what you pen arrives in real time. And since you conjured raw emotion, you deserve a six. Congrats!
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
  |
This should be classified as a horror piece. Seriously. I pray none of what you pen arrives in real time. And since you conjured raw emotion, you deserve a six. Congrats!
Comment Written 22-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
-
Thank you so much!
Comment from DeboraDyess
Hello, Laura ~
I've never read any of your work before but I'm fixing to change that. I don't get to read here as often as I wish but I'm going to fan you and hope to catch some of your work soon. :)
I'm also a Bible Thumper, mother of four but I beaty you on grandkids - I have 10. :)
I enjoyed this story and could tell you knew exactly what you were talking about from the Scriptures. I loved it!
Eighth booster? And then, "If it doesn't work, why use it?" HAHAHAHAhahahahaha! You know, I'd be a lot more inclined to take the silly thing if they just called it what it is - a deterrent. A VACCINE prevents the illness form happening. Ah, well. They're convincing an awful lot of folks.
Hope to see you again soon!
Blessings,
Deb
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
|
Hello, Laura ~
I've never read any of your work before but I'm fixing to change that. I don't get to read here as often as I wish but I'm going to fan you and hope to catch some of your work soon. :)
I'm also a Bible Thumper, mother of four but I beaty you on grandkids - I have 10. :)
I enjoyed this story and could tell you knew exactly what you were talking about from the Scriptures. I loved it!
Eighth booster? And then, "If it doesn't work, why use it?" HAHAHAHAhahahahaha! You know, I'd be a lot more inclined to take the silly thing if they just called it what it is - a deterrent. A VACCINE prevents the illness form happening. Ah, well. They're convincing an awful lot of folks.
Hope to see you again soon!
Blessings,
Deb
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
-
Thanks Deb, I appreciate your encouraging review, God Bless you!
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a horror story we don't want to think could happen. I can't see getting boosters until 2024. I could see getting a COVID shot every year like the flu shot. This seems a new version of 1984. I like your tongue and cheek reference to following the science.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Congrats for the honorable mention in the contest.
dp
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
 |
This is a horror story we don't want to think could happen. I can't see getting boosters until 2024. I could see getting a COVID shot every year like the flu shot. This seems a new version of 1984. I like your tongue and cheek reference to following the science.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Congrats for the honorable mention in the contest.
dp
Comment Written 21-Apr-2022
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2022
-
Thanks so much, God bless you.
-
You are most kindly welcome, Laura.
Same to you. Have a great weekend.
Joan
Comment from Heather Burroughs
Your journal entry is riveting! It could definitely be foresight. Thank you for trying to help others think for themselves. It was wonderfully written. Many blessings to you.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
|
Your journal entry is riveting! It could definitely be foresight. Thank you for trying to help others think for themselves. It was wonderfully written. Many blessings to you.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
-
Thanks for your review!
-
You are more than welcome 💗
Comment from tfawcus
A well-written piece of satire. There certainly does seem to be an element of self-interest here for the big pharmaceutical companies. Enough for us to question the way things are being handled. Nonetheless, I shall continue to work towards my free toaster.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
|
A well-written piece of satire. There certainly does seem to be an element of self-interest here for the big pharmaceutical companies. Enough for us to question the way things are being handled. Nonetheless, I shall continue to work towards my free toaster.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
-
Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This was a very enjoyable story with so much humor that, a few times, I asked myself if you had really said that. Glad you explained about the Rapture, I didn't get that one.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
|
This was a very enjoyable story with so much humor that, a few times, I asked myself if you had really said that. Glad you explained about the Rapture, I didn't get that one.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2022
-
Thanks for reviewing, Just always trying to get people to think for them selves.
Comment from Jay Squires
My! I've heard this all before. Twice by you. The toaster idea is a given. But it will likely happen when not enough people are getting the first booster. About 6 months ago, in my California county, anyone who got his or her first vaccination was put in a raffle with the winner getting a $200 gift card. When they start throwing around gift cards, then making 3/4ths of the people ineligible because they already had done what they thought was right ... that pissed me off.
I do hope you and your loved ones remain healthy and heartattack-free... and aren't one of those who pull away from the respirator long enough to plead with the public not to do what you had done ... out of an abundance of ego.
Jay
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
|
My! I've heard this all before. Twice by you. The toaster idea is a given. But it will likely happen when not enough people are getting the first booster. About 6 months ago, in my California county, anyone who got his or her first vaccination was put in a raffle with the winner getting a $200 gift card. When they start throwing around gift cards, then making 3/4ths of the people ineligible because they already had done what they thought was right ... that pissed me off.
I do hope you and your loved ones remain healthy and heartattack-free... and aren't one of those who pull away from the respirator long enough to plead with the public not to do what you had done ... out of an abundance of ego.
Jay
Comment Written 18-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2022
-
Hi Jay, thanks for stopping by with your opinion, I appreciate your review and continue to agree to disagree, Laura.
-
It's a hot-button topic. That's for sure.
Comment from Earl Corp
If had a six star rating left it would be yours. It's my hope I'm found worthy enough to be one of those that gets raptured. I think you are right on the money with this flash fiction. Very nice job.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2022
|
If had a six star rating left it would be yours. It's my hope I'm found worthy enough to be one of those that gets raptured. I think you are right on the money with this flash fiction. Very nice job.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2022
-
Thank you I appreciate your review and support.
Comment from SimianSavant
Technical edits first:
last December-- <= you don't need a double hyphen here. Just use a comma. LOL, all the other times you used a single hyphen, you should have used the double hyphen.
the grid has been down quite often, they say a shortage of workers is the culprit. <= Millennial run-on sentence. You can 1) chance the comma to a semicolon, 2) change it to a period, or 3) restructure your sentence. In this case you can just try: *AND they say a shortage of workers is the culprit.*
Well, I am sure those rebels hiding <= IN hiding
I am so glad -I always follow <= you don't need a hyphen here
I am very proud -- <= or here either
On content: if you made up the vaccine card, that was very clever. If you are using the image someone else made, unless it is a license-free image, I suggest citing it in the author notes. I need to be better about this myself. The idea of a free toaster reward for vaccines is funny.
I have joked about the mark of the beast for vaccine cards too. It seems convenient. Although, somewhat unlikely. Your scenario would have to take place in 2025 or later.
Generally, I feel your piece would benefit more from subtlety and entendre. Maybe it is just honest about how you feel, but to the reader it feels a little overly literal to get your point across, and implausible, which costs you points on humor. To be funnier, you could try hyperbole though. Something utterly ridiculous, like Kamala has assassinated Biden and is wearing his face as a mask. You have to wear a mask now to hire a hooker, CardiB has turned white, Mohammed has returned from the dead as the Antichrist and is running against Harambe for President, etc. Why not? Have more fun with this. ; )
Best,
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
 |
Technical edits first:
last December-- <= you don't need a double hyphen here. Just use a comma. LOL, all the other times you used a single hyphen, you should have used the double hyphen.
the grid has been down quite often, they say a shortage of workers is the culprit. <= Millennial run-on sentence. You can 1) chance the comma to a semicolon, 2) change it to a period, or 3) restructure your sentence. In this case you can just try: *AND they say a shortage of workers is the culprit.*
Well, I am sure those rebels hiding <= IN hiding
I am so glad -I always follow <= you don't need a hyphen here
I am very proud -- <= or here either
On content: if you made up the vaccine card, that was very clever. If you are using the image someone else made, unless it is a license-free image, I suggest citing it in the author notes. I need to be better about this myself. The idea of a free toaster reward for vaccines is funny.
I have joked about the mark of the beast for vaccine cards too. It seems convenient. Although, somewhat unlikely. Your scenario would have to take place in 2025 or later.
Generally, I feel your piece would benefit more from subtlety and entendre. Maybe it is just honest about how you feel, but to the reader it feels a little overly literal to get your point across, and implausible, which costs you points on humor. To be funnier, you could try hyperbole though. Something utterly ridiculous, like Kamala has assassinated Biden and is wearing his face as a mask. You have to wear a mask now to hire a hooker, CardiB has turned white, Mohammed has returned from the dead as the Antichrist and is running against Harambe for President, etc. Why not? Have more fun with this. ; )
Best,
Comment Written 08-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
-
Thanks for your review.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is excellent. It is very timely today as we have now acquired the glory of having the highest rate of death since the start of the pandemic. There's been nothing else on the news all day.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
|
This is excellent. It is very timely today as we have now acquired the glory of having the highest rate of death since the start of the pandemic. There's been nothing else on the news all day.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
-
Thank you for reviewing, I appreciate it.
