The Tour
Happy Insurrection Day contest entry8 total reviews
Comment from Henry Woodward
I would have given a 5-star rating, but there was an incorrect verb, and one swear word for which I wasn't at all prepared to read. Also, you may have been there by coincidence, but if you didn't know what was happening, you must have been blind, deaf, or dumb.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2022
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I would have given a 5-star rating, but there was an incorrect verb, and one swear word for which I wasn't at all prepared to read. Also, you may have been there by coincidence, but if you didn't know what was happening, you must have been blind, deaf, or dumb.
Comment Written 09-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2022
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Thanks. I'm glad my fictitious story had such an impact. Sorry the word ass was so damaging. Maybe I'll put a warning on the piece next time.
Comment from SimianSavant
Lol, the only other humorous entry in this contest besides my own. I wonder who it could be! Yeah there is likely a number of people your poem actually applies to.
This flowed spontaneously and has a natural feel that it was created quickly in one sitting, the way I often write with my brothers. There are a few small places the meter could be cleaned up a bit, mainly in the first lines of stanzas where it would work better as, say, 10 syllables instead of 11 or 12. Here is a simple example:
OUR pictures on Facebook led to MY arrest.
To {the} charges of trespass, I proudly confessed. <= drop THE because the period at the end of the previous sentence implies an extra triplet beat in the meter, causing THE not to fit into the triplet of the upbeat. I suggest OUR just to avoid saying MY twice, but you could certainly use THE or MY or THOSE at the beginning, and an extra triplet is needed to make the meter smooth, hence *my arrest*. Hope this makes sense and is helpful!
The content is great. I'll bet this takes first or second. The competition is on.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2022
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Lol, the only other humorous entry in this contest besides my own. I wonder who it could be! Yeah there is likely a number of people your poem actually applies to.
This flowed spontaneously and has a natural feel that it was created quickly in one sitting, the way I often write with my brothers. There are a few small places the meter could be cleaned up a bit, mainly in the first lines of stanzas where it would work better as, say, 10 syllables instead of 11 or 12. Here is a simple example:
OUR pictures on Facebook led to MY arrest.
To {the} charges of trespass, I proudly confessed. <= drop THE because the period at the end of the previous sentence implies an extra triplet beat in the meter, causing THE not to fit into the triplet of the upbeat. I suggest OUR just to avoid saying MY twice, but you could certainly use THE or MY or THOSE at the beginning, and an extra triplet is needed to make the meter smooth, hence *my arrest*. Hope this makes sense and is helpful!
The content is great. I'll bet this takes first or second. The competition is on.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the great review, friend. Sorry for the late reply. I'm adding another room to my house and my brother came down over the weekend to help so I've been busting my butt the last couple days. Yeah, I know the meter was off but it sounded good when I wrote it while being a bit inebriated. Lol. Thanks for the stars and for throwing the contest I had fun with it. Have a good one.
Ron
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I just did a bunch of that kind of writing about George Washington. Your entry does sound pretty good and it took first! Congrats. I might even refer to The Tour in my GW piece.
Comment from jaded831
Your poem sounded like it was a light day, but homeland terrorists should all pay. That day many criminal acts were committed, being led by pure evil. His own agenda must be filled, who doesn't care about the people's will.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2022
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Your poem sounded like it was a light day, but homeland terrorists should all pay. That day many criminal acts were committed, being led by pure evil. His own agenda must be filled, who doesn't care about the people's will.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2022
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Yes, they should all pay for their crimes. Thank you for the great review and stars, Jaded.
Comment from LyndaS
Haha! This is a great take on this contest. I have seen many pics and videos of folks strolling through the capitol on that day, taking selfies and looking like they were having a terrific time. This is a fine, little story in a poem. You give the reader lots of images to play with. This is a breath of fresh air compared to all the crap that was on tv yesterday. Well done! Lynda
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2022
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Haha! This is a great take on this contest. I have seen many pics and videos of folks strolling through the capitol on that day, taking selfies and looking like they were having a terrific time. This is a fine, little story in a poem. You give the reader lots of images to play with. This is a breath of fresh air compared to all the crap that was on tv yesterday. Well done! Lynda
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2022
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Wow, I sure didn't think I would see a sixer for this on this site. Lol. Thank you so much. Yeah, there was a couple old ladies who got busted for trespassing that day but all they did was wander around looking at things. That's what I based this piece on. Sorry for the late reply. I've been pretty busy the last few days. I'm glad you liked my idea for the contest. Thank you again for the big sixer, Lynda.
=]
Ron
Comment from LisaMay
I'll be voting for yours. The contest prompt did say 'happy' insurrection day, and your tourist was indeed happy until she got her ass handcuffed (an interesting mental picture). How naive to put selfies out there during a riot - some people have no clue about how dumb they are. Traitor and treason are very heavy labels.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2022
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I'll be voting for yours. The contest prompt did say 'happy' insurrection day, and your tourist was indeed happy until she got her ass handcuffed (an interesting mental picture). How naive to put selfies out there during a riot - some people have no clue about how dumb they are. Traitor and treason are very heavy labels.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Lisa. Sorry for the late reply. I'm adding a new room to my house and my brother came down from up north to help, so I've been busy the last few days. Lol, Yes, way too many dumb people in this world. Glad they did it though. Easier to catch them that way. Haha. I appreciate the stars and support, Lisa. Thank you again. I hope all is well on your end of the world.
=]
Ron
Comment from Gee
Very nicely done. That was enjoyable. I imagine many people got caught up as you described in the poem.
I hope you do well in the contest. Good luck and Thanks for sharing
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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Very nicely done. That was enjoyable. I imagine many people got caught up as you described in the poem.
I hope you do well in the contest. Good luck and Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the fantastic review, Gee. I appreciate the generous stars and good luck wishes. I'm glad you liked this silly piece.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Spectacular. An easy flow presented with an enormous dash of humor.
Only wish our congresspeople would have had such zeal, squealing like only politicians can do.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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Spectacular. An easy flow presented with an enormous dash of humor.
Only wish our congresspeople would have had such zeal, squealing like only politicians can do.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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Lol. That's for sure. Thank you for the fantastic review, Tom. I really appreciate the generous stars. I'm glad you liked this silliness.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
A frightening day remembered by all here and recalled in your skilfully written poem and you were actually there to record the event? A lively write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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A frightening day remembered by all here and recalled in your skilfully written poem and you were actually there to record the event? A lively write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 07-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the great review and stars, Dolly. No, I wasn't there. It's just a silly entry into the contest. Have yourself a wonderful night.
