Just At Twilight
Magical moments at the end of the day.14 total reviews
Comment from BlueMarble
All I can say is WOW. Just reading this beautiful poem takes me into that spirit of contentment that you describe so aptly. Your words flow smoothly while obeying the rules of the kyrielle.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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All I can say is WOW. Just reading this beautiful poem takes me into that spirit of contentment that you describe so aptly. Your words flow smoothly while obeying the rules of the kyrielle.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for a great review. I really appreciate the six stars.
Comment from FM Young
You have caught that hushed reflective interlude that can come at sunset, and done a good job of interrelating the emotional peace with the sky-scape.
Rhythm / cadence could improved, for example, 'when the clouds on the horizon, come alive with a crimson glow' - it flows better if you miss out 'a' and you could do that without confusing the meaning. I think you can get away with that in a poem. Same comment with 'appear to with the land converge' - the line has one syllable too many, it would be better as 'something something land converge' (up to you to work out a 4 syllables to replace the 'somethings').
There is a nice progression from initial observation, through awareness of the environment, to a conclusion of gratitude.
I'm new to this website and dont know how to calibrate the star ratings. I like your poem, think it might be above average, so am going with 4 stars, hope thats OK.
Fiona
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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You have caught that hushed reflective interlude that can come at sunset, and done a good job of interrelating the emotional peace with the sky-scape.
Rhythm / cadence could improved, for example, 'when the clouds on the horizon, come alive with a crimson glow' - it flows better if you miss out 'a' and you could do that without confusing the meaning. I think you can get away with that in a poem. Same comment with 'appear to with the land converge' - the line has one syllable too many, it would be better as 'something something land converge' (up to you to work out a 4 syllables to replace the 'somethings').
There is a nice progression from initial observation, through awareness of the environment, to a conclusion of gratitude.
I'm new to this website and dont know how to calibrate the star ratings. I like your poem, think it might be above average, so am going with 4 stars, hope thats OK.
Fiona
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Thank you for the review on my poem. You know it needs eight syllables per line so that is why the "a" is there. Also the other line you say has to many syllables has exactly eight. You'll find most everyone on this sight gives everyone five stars unless something is seriously wrong. Your four star review just eliminated my 6 star review but that is okay if you think it needs work.
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Oh, sorry, I didnt understand the rules of the contest. Nor do I understand how the website rating system works, apologies if I've messed up something for you :-(
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You can try changing it to five stars That usually works.
Comment from zanya
This Kyrielle does what poetry does best i.e inspires the reader leading to moments of reflection -leading to contemplation 'and whisper praise to God in prayer '
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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This Kyrielle does what poetry does best i.e inspires the reader leading to moments of reflection -leading to contemplation 'and whisper praise to God in prayer '
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Thank you Zanya. I really appreciate the review and comments.
Comment from Malerie
Your poem is well written and flows well. The picture you selected helps to give life to your words. This poem makes me feel at peace. Nice easy read. I enjoyed readings it and thanks for sharing my
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Your poem is well written and flows well. The picture you selected helps to give life to your words. This poem makes me feel at peace. Nice easy read. I enjoyed readings it and thanks for sharing my
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2022
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Thank you Malerie. I really appreciate the review on my poem.
