This Time it's Different!
Viewing comments for Prologue "A Different Time"Veronica and Mildred have another assignment,
42 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
I vaguely remember reading a chapter or two of the last of your trilogy. I like the premise of finding something like these article of clothing which have something mysterious that Ann and Veronica feel something about. I was not quite sure why Mildred keeps calling Veronica honorifically as "Miss Veronica" when she's the elder.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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I vaguely remember reading a chapter or two of the last of your trilogy. I like the premise of finding something like these article of clothing which have something mysterious that Ann and Veronica feel something about. I was not quite sure why Mildred keeps calling Veronica honorifically as "Miss Veronica" when she's the elder.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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I think that before I get too far into this story I'll have to write a story about Mildred. When she first met Veronica, she was a 14 year old maid and Veronica was 26. Now Mildred is ageless. She will remain as she is until either the 'Powers That Be' ends her present life, or she tells them she wants to end it. She actually died in 1940 and it's now present day. Veronica has given up trying to get Mildred to drop the 'Miss'. Mildred has never been able to change and is still the same person from the distant past born into a poor family. Does that clear things up????? LOL!! Yes, I think I should definately write a short story about her first. Lol. Thanks, Helen. I've got a lot to think about now. Warm hugs my friend. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment from l.raven
Hi Sandra, Hailllll Yeahhhhh...I told you to bring them back
after your last book with them...their awesome....
and this sounds like a great story...
you said the man was shot...but what about the
young girl???...and did he die???...
and here I go making you happy again...
you wrote...A puzzled frowned creased here forehead...
how about...A puzzled frowned creased her forehead...
and I'm not sure if frowned...should be...and puzzled frown...what the heck do I know???...
I wouldn't even correct this one...it being a draft...but I love making you happy....and you gave me all those nits...
now on a serious note...truly sounds like great book Sandra...but I liked Mildred and Veronica as a team...and
I like the supernatural...
I kind of have an idea of what you were doing on your break...LOL...love you in millions...I love it...Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Hi Sandra, Hailllll Yeahhhhh...I told you to bring them back
after your last book with them...their awesome....
and this sounds like a great story...
you said the man was shot...but what about the
young girl???...and did he die???...
and here I go making you happy again...
you wrote...A puzzled frowned creased here forehead...
how about...A puzzled frowned creased her forehead...
and I'm not sure if frowned...should be...and puzzled frown...what the heck do I know???...
I wouldn't even correct this one...it being a draft...but I love making you happy....and you gave me all those nits...
now on a serious note...truly sounds like great book Sandra...but I liked Mildred and Veronica as a team...and
I like the supernatural...
I kind of have an idea of what you were doing on your break...LOL...love you in millions...I love it...Linda xxoo
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Aww, thank you, Linda, I'll bring them back, everyone has yes. I'm so pleased you found those darned nits. I've just stamped on them! All gone! LOL. Veronica and Mildred will be a team, Ann just gets visions. Do you remember her seeing Daveth in the second book with that poor demon child with the red eyes? We'll be going back farther in time then they have before. Watch this space, my friend!! Love you more back! :)) Sandra xxxxxxx
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Hi Sandra, yes I do remember...(well once in awhile)that is...
and I remember Ann...both her and Michael have grown so big...going to be a doctor like his dad...hmmmmmm...
I know it will be exciting...and adventurous...your an amazing writer my
wonderful friend...I'm so proud with every
book you publish...
I'm hoping you get down by Kristy in February...I'll finally get to the library...I don't talk about the
viruses with Kristy...it might jinks her with me coming...I'll fill my suitcase with covid tests...and if she starts to get nervous...
I'll do one for her...Abby got her shots...and I'm not sure about Noah...but knowing her she ordered extra strength...
I miss the kids and Kristy and Nidal as well...it will be good to see them...
ok...I'll be watching...love in billions...smiling big...Linda xxoo
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It's been a while since you last saw them all, hasn't it? I can understand Kristy being careful, she doesn't want anything to hurt Noah and Abby. Or anyone else in her family, and that includes you. I hope you manage to get there, I'm sure they will all be wanting to see you. Give my love to them all. You are well loved, my dear friend. xxxxxxx
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Sandra,
if you know this doesn't meet the criteria and intend to write more, why post it now? Normally I'd give an automatic four as it doesn't meet the criteria but I trust you! lol
good tug as she tried to untangle it / she yanked it as hard as she could. / Mildred gave a loud yelp as she lost her balance - watch out for those uses of 'as'.
'What? Oh, sorry, I's just had a ... Oh, tis nothing. What was you sayin'? - missing speech marks at the end here.
I think some of the usages of that could be swopped out with which.
A puzzled frowned creased here forehead, - crossed her forehead.
quickly jerked her hand back. A puzzled frowned creased here forehead, then slowly putting her fingers into the sink, she gently turned the dress over. I looked across at Mildred, and saw she was closely watching her.- watch your adverbs, you've four here in quick succession, they stuck out.
'Mmm, much better now that you're home. Do you want a cup of tea, coffee, or something a little stronger? - missing closing speech marks here.
I grabbed the clothes up again and went to put them back in the bucket, - perhaps use gathered rather than grabbed here?
All the best
G
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Hi Sandra,
if you know this doesn't meet the criteria and intend to write more, why post it now? Normally I'd give an automatic four as it doesn't meet the criteria but I trust you! lol
good tug as she tried to untangle it / she yanked it as hard as she could. / Mildred gave a loud yelp as she lost her balance - watch out for those uses of 'as'.
'What? Oh, sorry, I's just had a ... Oh, tis nothing. What was you sayin'? - missing speech marks at the end here.
I think some of the usages of that could be swopped out with which.
A puzzled frowned creased here forehead, - crossed her forehead.
quickly jerked her hand back. A puzzled frowned creased here forehead, then slowly putting her fingers into the sink, she gently turned the dress over. I looked across at Mildred, and saw she was closely watching her.- watch your adverbs, you've four here in quick succession, they stuck out.
'Mmm, much better now that you're home. Do you want a cup of tea, coffee, or something a little stronger? - missing closing speech marks here.
I grabbed the clothes up again and went to put them back in the bucket, - perhaps use gathered rather than grabbed here?
All the best
G
Comment Written 20-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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I entered this contest thinking it was the one that has now finished! So, it's been entered into the September contest. I think I was having a massive senior moment yesterday, Lol. Once that was discovered I thought it would count as my fourth post for the rankings, but I got that wrong as well because it went in as a stand-alone story. Duh!
I'm going right through this chapter now. There are so many new readers here who have no idea who these characters are, and Mildred is confussing everyone. So, I'm thinking of writing a real stand-alone story about her. Mind you, her character is so complicated it's going to be hard even for me, and I created her!!!
Thanks for all the edits, Gareth, I appreciate that, and that you didn't knock the star off, sending you a big hug for that! I'll be sorting the length out this weekend. Thank you, my friend, I hope half of what I written above will make a bit of sense, if not, put it down to another massive senior moment. Warm hugs, my friend.
Sandra xx
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I like your story but I usually like anything to do with time travel. Your characters are interesting and the way they get their next mission is nifty. There's only one thing I'd suggest you change. "A puzzled frown(ed) creased her(e) forehead . . .
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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I like your story but I usually like anything to do with time travel. Your characters are interesting and the way they get their next mission is nifty. There's only one thing I'd suggest you change. "A puzzled frown(ed) creased her(e) forehead . . .
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Oh dear, thank you, Carol. I missed those silly nits when I went through it, I've made the corrections now. I'm so pleased you enjoy time-travel stories, most of mine are, even the books I wrote for my young grandson. He went back to the dinosaur age! Lol. Thanks for this lovely review, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from Cindy Warren
I'd read the rest of this. Mildred and Veronica are wonderful characters, and I imagine they could get up to all sorts of interesting stuff. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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I'd read the rest of this. Mildred and Veronica are wonderful characters, and I imagine they could get up to all sorts of interesting stuff. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Oh, they do, Cindy, Mildred is quite a fun character to work with. She was most readers favourite! I'll be writing a synopsis of sorts to bring eveyone up to speed. Thanks so much for this vote of confidence, my friend. Warm hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from aryr
Good luck wishes in regards to the 'A first Book Chapter contest', Sandra. I do remember Veronica and Mildred very well, in fact I also remember James the Doctor, Ann and Michael. They definitely did have an adventurous life. I for one would be delighted to see more of them. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. An interesting picture choice. Blessings, hugs n smiles.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Good luck wishes in regards to the 'A first Book Chapter contest', Sandra. I do remember Veronica and Mildred very well, in fact I also remember James the Doctor, Ann and Michael. They definitely did have an adventurous life. I for one would be delighted to see more of them. Very well done and greatly enjoyed. An interesting picture choice. Blessings, hugs n smiles.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for reading this, Alie. I love it that you still remember the characters. It looks like I'll be writing this one next! Thanks for the heads-up. Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xx
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You are so welcome, Sandra. Yeaaaa, Veronica and Mildred make a come back. I will watch for them. (smile) Blessings n hugs.
Comment from DeboraDyess
Gracious, my sweet friend! You are So prolific! How in the world do you find time to write so many books to so many different genres? I'm impressed, amazed and slightly jealous. lol
If I may...
~ in my portolio >> Spelliing of portfollio. I would never have caught it if my computer hadn't mispronounced it. lol
~ n eyeblink later, the branch cracked then broke off completely. >> Love 'an eyeblink later'. But I think you need a comma before 'then'.
~ for those capers!" >> Is the exclamation point intentional? It could be a rhetorical question, which allows for that. But it could also be a booboo. ;)
~ pair of men's dark trousers. Rather ragged, and not something >> You have a fragmented sentence here (the second one) and further down where Ann is speaking. Again, if it's intentional, ignore me. :)
~ Mildred had a distant look in her eyes. 'Mildred? Where are you?' >> NEw character, new paragraph. The way you have it, Mildred is asking herself where she is. Been there... But is that what's happening?
~ YOu have 'dashing' and 'dashed' in consecutive paragraphs. Might want to change one of those. :)
~ tin off him >> I'm not just an American... I'm a Texan. I know our speech patterns are different. Did you mean 'off' or 'from'?
~ A puzzled frowned creased here forehead, >> her forehead. It's interesting that everyone who touches the dress gets the willies. Great hook!
~ We had learned from a very young age, Ann was sensitive to >> This reads as if 'we' had learned from a young age. I'd reword it something like this: We had learned that, from a very young age, Ann was sensitive to
~ off to to the bathroom >> Either you misspelled tutu or you have two tos. lol
~ man was kneeled in front trying to protect >> man was kneeled in front, trying to protect
~ the table again--the clothes t >> En dashes always confuse me but I THINK that there's a space before and after if it falls within a sentence.
Well, darn! I think I just lost the contest! lol. I didn't think I had a winner, anyway, but I am sure you just beat me no matter what. This is great! Looking forward to the rest.
Blessings!
Deb
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Gracious, my sweet friend! You are So prolific! How in the world do you find time to write so many books to so many different genres? I'm impressed, amazed and slightly jealous. lol
If I may...
~ in my portolio >> Spelliing of portfollio. I would never have caught it if my computer hadn't mispronounced it. lol
~ n eyeblink later, the branch cracked then broke off completely. >> Love 'an eyeblink later'. But I think you need a comma before 'then'.
~ for those capers!" >> Is the exclamation point intentional? It could be a rhetorical question, which allows for that. But it could also be a booboo. ;)
~ pair of men's dark trousers. Rather ragged, and not something >> You have a fragmented sentence here (the second one) and further down where Ann is speaking. Again, if it's intentional, ignore me. :)
~ Mildred had a distant look in her eyes. 'Mildred? Where are you?' >> NEw character, new paragraph. The way you have it, Mildred is asking herself where she is. Been there... But is that what's happening?
~ YOu have 'dashing' and 'dashed' in consecutive paragraphs. Might want to change one of those. :)
~ tin off him >> I'm not just an American... I'm a Texan. I know our speech patterns are different. Did you mean 'off' or 'from'?
~ A puzzled frowned creased here forehead, >> her forehead. It's interesting that everyone who touches the dress gets the willies. Great hook!
~ We had learned from a very young age, Ann was sensitive to >> This reads as if 'we' had learned from a young age. I'd reword it something like this: We had learned that, from a very young age, Ann was sensitive to
~ off to to the bathroom >> Either you misspelled tutu or you have two tos. lol
~ man was kneeled in front trying to protect >> man was kneeled in front, trying to protect
~ the table again--the clothes t >> En dashes always confuse me but I THINK that there's a space before and after if it falls within a sentence.
Well, darn! I think I just lost the contest! lol. I didn't think I had a winner, anyway, but I am sure you just beat me no matter what. This is great! Looking forward to the rest.
Blessings!
Deb
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Wow, thank you, Debs, I'm so pleased you have read this, you always give my work a good edit. I've sorted all the corrections out. It looks like this will be the next novel, so far everyone has wanted me to bring them back. I won't win the contest, it hasn't enough words at the moment. So go for it! Warm hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from Jay Squires
Oh, my God, Sandra! This is soooooo good! I'm in for the long haul. And if I was thinking of entering the "A First Book Chapter" contest, I am formally abdicating before I even commit. This is that good!
A couple of teensy things that others have probably already pointed out:
At fourteen-years-old Michael was already a good six inches taller than me and his sister, Ann [Since this is narrative and not dialogue (where it could be accepted) it should read "... than I ..."; and really should be his sister Ann and I." If you add the implied, you'll see why: you wouldn't say, "Six inches taller than me am."
when a maelstrom of flashing pictures swum in front of my eyes. [ ... flashing pictures SWAM in front of my eyes. Swum is the past participle form, and can only be used with have or had. This is all assuming that British English is the same as the correct American English. (Hey, that's a joke!)
I told you before ... this is your genre. You own it. If you were allowed to Copywrite it, you could force any pretenders to step aside or be sued!
Jay
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Oh, my God, Sandra! This is soooooo good! I'm in for the long haul. And if I was thinking of entering the "A First Book Chapter" contest, I am formally abdicating before I even commit. This is that good!
A couple of teensy things that others have probably already pointed out:
At fourteen-years-old Michael was already a good six inches taller than me and his sister, Ann [Since this is narrative and not dialogue (where it could be accepted) it should read "... than I ..."; and really should be his sister Ann and I." If you add the implied, you'll see why: you wouldn't say, "Six inches taller than me am."
when a maelstrom of flashing pictures swum in front of my eyes. [ ... flashing pictures SWAM in front of my eyes. Swum is the past participle form, and can only be used with have or had. This is all assuming that British English is the same as the correct American English. (Hey, that's a joke!)
I told you before ... this is your genre. You own it. If you were allowed to Copywrite it, you could force any pretenders to step aside or be sued!
Jay
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for pointing that out, Jay, I've made all the corrections and learned a good lesson! I have changed that sentence around as per your suggestion. Of course, that was as it should have been when I wrote it! And the other errors, you must really think I'm a dimwit! That comes from rushing, it's never worth it. Thanks so much, my dear friend. I like the idea of Copywriting this genre!! Lol! Sending you lots of lovel and hugs. Sandra xx
Comment from Ulla
Oh, that would be great, Sandra. You know how much I enjoyed the first three books, and now you plan on a forth one. I will be there to follow along. Good luck in the contest. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Oh, that would be great, Sandra. You know how much I enjoyed the first three books, and now you plan on a forth one. I will be there to follow along. Good luck in the contest. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2022
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Thank you, Ulla! I'm so pleased you would like to see them back again. I've a great assignment for them, and I'm just hoping they can sort it out and let me know how!! LOL Warm higs, my friend xxxx
Comment from Judy Lawless
This looks like another interesting novel, Sandra. When I have more time, I'll go back to look at the last chapter. I think you should carry on with these women.
Just a few little spags: "'What are you up to, Mildred?' I yelled from the kitchen door,(period) I'd come for my cup of tea just in time..."
"The branch, with the offending bag still entangled in it, (sat) on top of her..."
"Ann touched the dress but quickly jerked it (her hand?) back..."
I also wonder why you use single quotation marks, rather than double, in all your dialogue.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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This looks like another interesting novel, Sandra. When I have more time, I'll go back to look at the last chapter. I think you should carry on with these women.
Just a few little spags: "'What are you up to, Mildred?' I yelled from the kitchen door,(period) I'd come for my cup of tea just in time..."
"The branch, with the offending bag still entangled in it, (sat) on top of her..."
"Ann touched the dress but quickly jerked it (her hand?) back..."
I also wonder why you use single quotation marks, rather than double, in all your dialogue.
Comment Written 19-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2022
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Thank you so much for this really helpful review, Judy, I've made all the corrections. The reason for the single quotation marks is because English publishers prefer it. If you read any other UK authors, Pantygynt (Jim) is one I know, you'll see his is the same. It's just another difference between our two countries. Why we have to be different, I don't know. Another difference is in the spelling. Personally, I think American spelling is easier than the English way.
Thank you for giving me your thoughts on continuing with this book. So far everyone has voted to keep it. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Warm hugs, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
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You?re welcome, Sandra. I wondered if it might have to do with the English, although I?m Canadian so I use them same spellings as you. Now that you mention it, I have noticed Jim uses the single quotations, but never asked him about it. Thanks for enlightening me. Hugs.
