The Tor
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Puddle-Jumping"Adventures around & upon a hill
9 total reviews
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is very interesting and I like it when you have conversation, rather more than when one person is talking and telling what the other says. The ley lines are fascinating and I look forward to what you will discover.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
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This is very interesting and I like it when you have conversation, rather more than when one person is talking and telling what the other says. The ley lines are fascinating and I look forward to what you will discover.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad you are enjoying it.
Comment from Ethan Vandervelden
I really like your style. As I followed along I saw a lot of creative writing techniques that are missing in most writing. I found value in your writing and am interested in the story.
{"diminutive, dark, denigrating space} -- Really liked this alliteration, as it paints a good picture, and the wording doesn't "overlap" (I mean the words all mean something different and it isn't redundant.) -really good.
Thank you for sharing, your vocabulary and approaches of imagery are really cool, and even though I haven't caught up in the story it was enjoyable as a stand-alone piece.
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
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I really like your style. As I followed along I saw a lot of creative writing techniques that are missing in most writing. I found value in your writing and am interested in the story.
{"diminutive, dark, denigrating space} -- Really liked this alliteration, as it paints a good picture, and the wording doesn't "overlap" (I mean the words all mean something different and it isn't redundant.) -really good.
Thank you for sharing, your vocabulary and approaches of imagery are really cool, and even though I haven't caught up in the story it was enjoyable as a stand-alone piece.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your wonderful review. I will remember you in the next months volley for choices of good reviewers. These the the things I look for in others'writing.When I enumerate their figures of speech, most don't know what I'm talking about. It is refreshing see you appreciate some of my automatic but also intentional alliteration. You are welcome to go to my portfolio to catch up. No reviews are necessary. Just enjoy.
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You're welcome. I feel like I can learn a lot of technique from your writing!
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I'm honored, thank you
Comment from AdaJulie
Wonderful, engaging story. I'm new at reviewing. I'm not sure how one reviews by making a comment. My idea of review is telling you there a few missed commas and extra spaces. But, I get the feeling, leaving a review here is more like a book review. If that's the case, thank you for sharing your talent here. I'll look to read more from you. Cheers!
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
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Wonderful, engaging story. I'm new at reviewing. I'm not sure how one reviews by making a comment. My idea of review is telling you there a few missed commas and extra spaces. But, I get the feeling, leaving a review here is more like a book review. If that's the case, thank you for sharing your talent here. I'll look to read more from you. Cheers!
Comment Written 25-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 25-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your engaged review. Most here say how it comes across to them & if there is a glaring miss, they will mention it and usually give suggestions. One told me if I had those swear marks where an apostrophe is intended, to use the Advanced Editor. I found it takes care of them in the actual chapter but not in the author's notes or summary. So I do my best to check all of that out, but inevitably miss one. I will do one of yours so you can see how I review. I was a writing teacher so I have a particular style.
Comment from aryr
This was a fantastic continuation chapter, Liz. I haven't heard the phrase 'puddle jumping' in so many years, that I can't remember when. It was too bad that they were rained out. Oh yes, the English way of driving is definitely one of talent. Perhaps they will get to see the crop circles. Well done, greatly enjoyed.
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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This was a fantastic continuation chapter, Liz. I haven't heard the phrase 'puddle jumping' in so many years, that I can't remember when. It was too bad that they were rained out. Oh yes, the English way of driving is definitely one of talent. Perhaps they will get to see the crop circles. Well done, greatly enjoyed.
Comment Written 24-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your warm caring review. I'm glad you are enjoying the story
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You are so welcome, Liz, I really enjoy your writing.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a well-written chapter, Liz. Although not much that you expected to happen did, you still captured the moments with the natural flow of dialogue and thoughts.
"The stalks were already beginning to grow back as our favorite haircut does, no longer resembling its original style." - I like this comparison. :)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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This is a well-written chapter, Liz. Although not much that you expected to happen did, you still captured the moments with the natural flow of dialogue and thoughts.
"The stalks were already beginning to grow back as our favorite haircut does, no longer resembling its original style." - I like this comparison. :)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your enjoyable review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
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You?re welcome, Liz
Comment from lyenochka
Well, I think I was a bit lost in this chapter. I guess I don't really know about "crop circles" and I wasn't sure how that related to the dousing.
Questions:
"I shut off that freckless piece (feckless?)
She raised (raised what?)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Well, I think I was a bit lost in this chapter. I guess I don't really know about "crop circles" and I wasn't sure how that related to the dousing.
Questions:
"I shut off that freckless piece (feckless?)
She raised (raised what?)
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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A crop circle is formed by UFO's People say it is really made by humans who go out at night with some kind of flat board. There must be a lot of humans all over the world doing this. That's like saying Sasquatch are men running around in fur suits. This link will give you an idea of how sophisticated they are.
I found a bit more of interest on Wikipedia
They?ve been appearing since 1678. They were thought to be possibly caused by "cyclonic wind action" Many have been accompanied by UFO reports.
https://www.dogpile.com/serp?qc=images&q=crop+circles&sc=CZF4Ndj4ZK7t10
I love the word 'freckless
The meanings freckless:
Synonyms
counterproductive, hamstrung, ineffective, ineffectual, inefficacious, inefficient, inexpedient"
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Okay, thanks for the additional info. I had no idea that crop circles were than ancient. Sounds like a prank which requires a lot of work!
The spelling is "feckless" not "freckless" Just FYI
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OMG Now I will have to like the word freckless too??? Thank you for this...bwaaa
Comment from tfawcus
Fascinating. I used to live a few miles away from Stonehenge and Avebury and know the area well. So much there that we don't really understand.
I like your writing style but beware of overdoing the alliteration. Most effective in small quantities but, as with any literary device, it can become invasive. Freckless is an interesting word. What does it mean? I've heard of feckless before, but that doesn't fit the context.
Ley lines are a fascinating concept. The aboriginal inhabitants of Australia have something similar with their songlines.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Fascinating. I used to live a few miles away from Stonehenge and Avebury and know the area well. So much there that we don't really understand.
I like your writing style but beware of overdoing the alliteration. Most effective in small quantities but, as with any literary device, it can become invasive. Freckless is an interesting word. What does it mean? I've heard of feckless before, but that doesn't fit the context.
Ley lines are a fascinating concept. The aboriginal inhabitants of Australia have something similar with their songlines.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. That's cool that you lived in the area. You will especially this story. My writing voice tends to be alliterative like Steinbeck in his opening sentences in Cannery Row. The meanings freckless: "Synonyms & Antonyms for feckless
Synonyms
counterproductive, hamstrung, ineffective, ineffectual, inefficacious, inefficient, inexpedient"
From my research, ley lines run all over the world. I experienced the Michael & Mary lines. Quite different from each other.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I think from here on in a list of characters may be useful to your readers. Otherwise, this chapter is well-written, balanced in level with previous ones. Before commenting on the action, I am waiting for a bit more to be unveiled. Instead, I will stick with style: pleasing and high on description. The description of dawn was particularly fine.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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I think from here on in a list of characters may be useful to your readers. Otherwise, this chapter is well-written, balanced in level with previous ones. Before commenting on the action, I am waiting for a bit more to be unveiled. Instead, I will stick with style: pleasing and high on description. The description of dawn was particularly fine.
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad you are enjoying it. The reason for the vagaries is the characters are uncovering and experiencing places & energies unfamiliar to them.
Comment from Melodie Michelle
Excellent story my friend and the storyline was very interesting and held my attention throughout the piece and the characters interact nicely together throughout! The imagery is perfect!
You have gremlins in your Author's Notes! Here's one: ("othersâ?? privacy and to bring"). I just highlight the entire line and type over it with the correction! You should be okay after that! I would also go over the entire piece for gremlins plus Author's Notes;-)
Thanks for sharing and many blessings to you and your family this New Year!
Thanks for sharing and may God bless you and your family this New Year;-)
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Excellent story my friend and the storyline was very interesting and held my attention throughout the piece and the characters interact nicely together throughout! The imagery is perfect!
You have gremlins in your Author's Notes! Here's one: ("othersâ?? privacy and to bring"). I just highlight the entire line and type over it with the correction! You should be okay after that! I would also go over the entire piece for gremlins plus Author's Notes;-)
Thanks for sharing and many blessings to you and your family this New Year!
Thanks for sharing and may God bless you and your family this New Year;-)
Comment Written 22-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad you are enjoying the story. Someone told me using Advanced Editor avoids the gremlins in the actual story. I've come to realize it do not correct the other parts. Thank you
