Rubber Duckie
Toys hold so many memories30 total reviews
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading and as I read got goosebumps. Yes, was very heart rendering. Yes, small things can cause major feeling as memories overtake us. Good luck with the contes, though I doubt you need it. This very good.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
  |
Thank you for sharing this contest entry with us. I enjoyed reading and as I read got goosebumps. Yes, was very heart rendering. Yes, small things can cause major feeling as memories overtake us. Good luck with the contes, though I doubt you need it. This very good.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
-
Barbara,
Thanks for taking the time to review my entry. Glad you enjoyed it and I am pretty happy the way it turned out. Take care and have a great day.
Cheers
Barry
Comment from Thatguypk
Oh I truly hope this is a work of fiction. I was merrily humming the tune of the song, which I love, and then like a bolt from the blue, the tears for the deceased daughter. Heart-breaking, poignant, and so well written.
PK
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
|
Oh I truly hope this is a work of fiction. I was merrily humming the tune of the song, which I love, and then like a bolt from the blue, the tears for the deceased daughter. Heart-breaking, poignant, and so well written.
PK
Comment Written 28-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
-
Thanks for taking the time to review my entry. Glad you enjoyed it and despite the sad ending I think it is an effective flash fiction story. Yes I had a tear or two as well. Thanks again.
Cheers
Barry Penfold
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a heart-rending story of loss told in very few words with an interesting duckie picture. Welcome to Fanstory. I look forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
|
This is a heart-rending story of loss told in very few words with an interesting duckie picture. Welcome to Fanstory. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
-
Carol,
Thanks for taking the time to review my entry. Glad you enjoyed it. Thanks also for the welcome to the site. It certainly has variety which will be good for my writing. We have nothing like this in Australia.
Have a great day and take care.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Mary Vigasin
A very well-written and heartfelt story of how toys meant to bring joy can also bring painful memories.
Good job. I enjoyed reading your entry.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Mary
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
|
A very well-written and heartfelt story of how toys meant to bring joy can also bring painful memories.
Good job. I enjoyed reading your entry.
Good luck in the contest.
Best wishes,
Mary
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
-
Mary,
Thanks for taking the time to review my entry. Glad you enjoyed it and lets hope the judges give it the thumbs up as well. Have a good day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold
Comment from Judy Lawless
You've done a great job with this piece of flash fiction, Barry. You've created emotion, had us wondering why a seemingly mature person would be so interested in a rubber duckie, and gave us a perfect ending that answered the question. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
|
You've done a great job with this piece of flash fiction, Barry. You've created emotion, had us wondering why a seemingly mature person would be so interested in a rubber duckie, and gave us a perfect ending that answered the question. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
-
Judy,
Thanks for taking the time to review my entry. I was happy with the overall outcome, although a sad ending. Oh, and congratulations for your latest recognition. Well done. Have a good day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
-
You're most welcome, Barry.
-
Forgot to say, thanks for the congratulations.
-
No problems
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Barry a happy Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well. I was unsure if I wanted to read about a rubber duckie but alas I clicked it anyway. Being a single father of a daughter, I don't think I have to tell you how that last line got to me. Have a great day!
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
|
Hello Barry a happy Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well. I was unsure if I wanted to read about a rubber duckie but alas I clicked it anyway. Being a single father of a daughter, I don't think I have to tell you how that last line got to me. Have a great day!
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2022
-
I am glad you clicked and took the time to review my entry. Thanks for your comments and I can assure you I had a few tears in my eyes as well. Lets see how it goes. You have a great day and keep on writing.
Cheers
Barry Penfold
Comment from giraffmang
A yellow rubber duckie, looking cool with dark sunglasses compelled him to lean over and squeeze. - insert another comma after sunglasses.
Rubber duckie your the one. - your should be you're here.
He cried "Rest in Peace, my darling daughter your still the one."- insert comma after cried, also your should be you're here again. and maybe another comma after daughter.
The last line of dialogue seals this piece and changes the reader's perspective. Very well done
GMG
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
|
A yellow rubber duckie, looking cool with dark sunglasses compelled him to lean over and squeeze. - insert another comma after sunglasses.
Rubber duckie your the one. - your should be you're here.
He cried "Rest in Peace, my darling daughter your still the one."- insert comma after cried, also your should be you're here again. and maybe another comma after daughter.
The last line of dialogue seals this piece and changes the reader's perspective. Very well done
GMG
Comment Written 26-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
-
Thanks so much for your suggestions. All are good. I will go in and edit before the competition closes.
Also thanks for the five star review. Have a great day and enjoy.
Regards
Barry Penfold
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I found your story confusing, who died? Was the rubber duck the culprit? Or there is something else that is happening? Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
|
I found your story confusing, who died? Was the rubber duck the culprit? Or there is something else that is happening? Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings and the contest.
Comment Written 26-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
-
Thanks for taking the time to review my entry. His daughter had died but certainly not because of Rubber Duckie. Take Care.
Regards
Barry Penfold
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with your contest entry. Your words are descriptive, and the twist at the end was a tear jerker. You packed much info in 100 words.
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
|
You did a great job with your contest entry. Your words are descriptive, and the twist at the end was a tear jerker. You packed much info in 100 words.
Best wishes in the contest.
Respectfully, Jan
Comment Written 25-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
-
Jan, thanks for taking time to review my entry. I am quite happy with the end result. Thanks for your best wishes and you have a good day.
Regards
Barry
Comment from LJbutterfly
You did a great job with this flash fiction. As you know, this type of fiction is short, and should end with a surprise or twist. Your story has a great heartwarming surprise. I have one small suggestion:
"Rubber duckie your the one." should be you're the one, the contraction for 'you are.' The same is true for "daughter your still the one." you're still the one. Best wishes in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
|
You did a great job with this flash fiction. As you know, this type of fiction is short, and should end with a surprise or twist. Your story has a great heartwarming surprise. I have one small suggestion:
"Rubber duckie your the one." should be you're the one, the contraction for 'you are.' The same is true for "daughter your still the one." you're still the one. Best wishes in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
-
Thanks you for your suggestion and you are completely correct. I will edit the entry before it closes. Great to know you liked it and I hope you have a great day.
Thanks
Barry
