On My Last Lap
Not complaining, just explaining59 total reviews
Comment from Verna Cole Mitchell
The rhyme in your poem is very good, not just like putting words at the end to sound alike, but words that add to the poem's viewpoint. You have a good philosophy about aging and friends.
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The rhyme in your poem is very good, not just like putting words at the end to sound alike, but words that add to the poem's viewpoint. You have a good philosophy about aging and friends.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from robyn corum
Jay!
Oh, my. This is a little depressing, don't you think? I hope you aren't ready to curl up in a ball and call it quits yet. It's not hardly time and that also doesn't sound much like you. *smile* I do know it's sad having to consider the folks we've lost. Sending hugs-
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Jay!
Oh, my. This is a little depressing, don't you think? I hope you aren't ready to curl up in a ball and call it quits yet. It's not hardly time and that also doesn't sound much like you. *smile* I do know it's sad having to consider the folks we've lost. Sending hugs-
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from Terry Broxson
A wonderful poem. Your mind may be weary and pained. It may even be slow. I sure cannot tell from reading your work. I would suggest that your mind and memories are not through! Good work.
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A wonderful poem. Your mind may be weary and pained. It may even be slow. I sure cannot tell from reading your work. I would suggest that your mind and memories are not through! Good work.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from Cedar
Hello Jay,
This one made me feel very sad my friend. I guess it's because I personally know how you feel. I have been fighting MS/MG for almost 30 years now and I am nearing 80 years old.
However, I believe that God has plans on keeping you around simply because the way you touch peoples hearts with the beautiful words that you pen.
So, keep those brain cells churning and we will keep reading.
Take care of yourself, my friend....Bill
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Hello Jay,
This one made me feel very sad my friend. I guess it's because I personally know how you feel. I have been fighting MS/MG for almost 30 years now and I am nearing 80 years old.
However, I believe that God has plans on keeping you around simply because the way you touch peoples hearts with the beautiful words that you pen.
So, keep those brain cells churning and we will keep reading.
Take care of yourself, my friend....Bill
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from Boogienights
Your poem indicates that you're alone. I'm sorry thats the case, but there are people you can reach out to, who could come and visit with you. Do you belong to a church? Perhaps talk to your religious leader about your loneliness. Your words break my heart, thanks for sharing your feelings.
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Your poem indicates that you're alone. I'm sorry thats the case, but there are people you can reach out to, who could come and visit with you. Do you belong to a church? Perhaps talk to your religious leader about your loneliness. Your words break my heart, thanks for sharing your feelings.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from Artasylum
This is sad and resigned... I think this is breaking my heart and I'm right there with you and happy to read all of your posts... thanks for posting. yours, di
My mind is weary, pained and slow.
I know I'm nearing journey's end.
Life no longer has glorious glow,
as I enter the final bend.
break my heart...
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This is sad and resigned... I think this is breaking my heart and I'm right there with you and happy to read all of your posts... thanks for posting. yours, di
My mind is weary, pained and slow.
I know I'm nearing journey's end.
Life no longer has glorious glow,
as I enter the final bend.
break my heart...
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
An inspiring and lively write with fine rhymes and sentiments here, you mind might be weary but you still have a magical spark to bring to your poetry, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
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An inspiring and lively write with fine rhymes and sentiments here, you mind might be weary but you still have a magical spark to bring to your poetry, much enjoyed, love Dolly x
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from Frank Malley
This poem,"On My Last Lap," is a tetrameter lament that mourns the losses that mortality steals with its unyielding hands. This poem has more candor than many poems about aging and death; many such pieces take solace in memory, a solution that sounds better in presentation than it proves in reality. Jaybird1 acknowledges his life and his friends in the last stanza, but the pervasive sadness of the poem retains the darkness that mortality spreads within lives.
This poem's language is simple and direct, and does not seek to ornament what is a difficult thing to encounter.One may wonder whether confabulation is preferable to truth, and the question arises: what is the best bequeathal?
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This poem,"On My Last Lap," is a tetrameter lament that mourns the losses that mortality steals with its unyielding hands. This poem has more candor than many poems about aging and death; many such pieces take solace in memory, a solution that sounds better in presentation than it proves in reality. Jaybird1 acknowledges his life and his friends in the last stanza, but the pervasive sadness of the poem retains the darkness that mortality spreads within lives.
This poem's language is simple and direct, and does not seek to ornament what is a difficult thing to encounter.One may wonder whether confabulation is preferable to truth, and the question arises: what is the best bequeathal?
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello JayBird1 a happy and Healthy Thursday morning to you Good Sir.
WIth the story you told
the words easily flowed
and came together in rhyme
and when your journey ends
a new one begins
with your words forever locked in time
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Hello JayBird1 a happy and Healthy Thursday morning to you Good Sir.
WIth the story you told
the words easily flowed
and came together in rhyme
and when your journey ends
a new one begins
with your words forever locked in time
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
Comment from jwsteele
What memoriam to a life filled with experience and experiences.
No one to hold my useless hand.
That line might not ring true. You're still writing inspiring poems. From here your hand is far from useless.
I liked this stanza
The slowing of the mind is difficult for sure.
No one to show they understand
and help me dry my inward tears.
Yes, it's a long painful journey. But look what you know now. Rarely do people reach your age and gain the experience found in years of that magnitude.
Great poem.
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What memoriam to a life filled with experience and experiences.
No one to hold my useless hand.
That line might not ring true. You're still writing inspiring poems. From here your hand is far from useless.
I liked this stanza
The slowing of the mind is difficult for sure.
No one to show they understand
and help me dry my inward tears.
Yes, it's a long painful journey. But look what you know now. Rarely do people reach your age and gain the experience found in years of that magnitude.
Great poem.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2022
