Jesus at the Squash Club
The idea of perfection. (800 words)17 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
A romantic story about meeting at a club and having a beverage together as friends. But then electricity brought more excitement to this woman's ear. "Maybe," she thought.
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A romantic story about meeting at a club and having a beverage together as friends. But then electricity brought more excitement to this woman's ear. "Maybe," she thought.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2022
Comment from Susan Newell
This is a wonderfully written and told story about all the feelings one goes through when they make that unexpected, yet profound, connection. I loved Lester as the matchmaker. Terrific story, including the participation of Fuji.
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This is a wonderfully written and told story about all the feelings one goes through when they make that unexpected, yet profound, connection. I loved Lester as the matchmaker. Terrific story, including the participation of Fuji.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2022
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a lovely story, and yes, I believe in love at first sight. This story was believable, you brought in so many other aspects that bring couples together, the dog was genius. very well done and good luck in the contest. You have my vote. :) Sandra xx
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That was a lovely story, and yes, I believe in love at first sight. This story was believable, you brought in so many other aspects that bring couples together, the dog was genius. very well done and good luck in the contest. You have my vote. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 10-Feb-2022
Comment from writer723
This romance story was beautiful and touching. I enjoyed reading it immensely. You demonstrated how two people can fall in love so easily. I don't know if this writing is based on a true story or not. However, your writing really brought the characters to life. Thank you for sharing this sweet tale of true love.
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This romance story was beautiful and touching. I enjoyed reading it immensely. You demonstrated how two people can fall in love so easily. I don't know if this writing is based on a true story or not. However, your writing really brought the characters to life. Thank you for sharing this sweet tale of true love.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2022
Comment from Patty Palmer
This is a well-written story about love at first sight. I like how the evidence of a feeling is there then turns out differently but just as good. Like when he asked Laura to keep an eye on his bag while "I get us a drink" Laura had thought how thoughtful he was to think that she might be thirsty. Instead, the bag turns out to be a puppy and her drink was actually for the puppy. I enjoyed your story. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
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This is a well-written story about love at first sight. I like how the evidence of a feeling is there then turns out differently but just as good. Like when he asked Laura to keep an eye on his bag while "I get us a drink" Laura had thought how thoughtful he was to think that she might be thirsty. Instead, the bag turns out to be a puppy and her drink was actually for the puppy. I enjoyed your story. Good luck with the contest.
Patty
Comment Written 10-Feb-2022
Comment from Wendy G
A most interesting story, well structured and thoughtfully written. I would suggest you use a different title though, as the man, however wonderful he is, can't be equated to Jesus. Even simply "Vision at the Squash Courts"?
Of course, just a thought, and it's your work. But I really liked the story, so send you best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
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A most interesting story, well structured and thoughtfully written. I would suggest you use a different title though, as the man, however wonderful he is, can't be equated to Jesus. Even simply "Vision at the Squash Courts"?
Of course, just a thought, and it's your work. But I really liked the story, so send you best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
Comment from Teri7
This is a very sweet and very well written romance poem you have penned for the writing prompt contest. You used great descriptive words and very nice imagery from the art work you chose. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
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This is a very sweet and very well written romance poem you have penned for the writing prompt contest. You used great descriptive words and very nice imagery from the art work you chose. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
Comment from lyenochka
I really enjoyed the light-hearted, humor-filled conversational style of your writing. You wove in some backstory of pain and tension of both Richard and Laura and made us feel that it really was love at first sight. Best wishes in the contest!
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I really enjoyed the light-hearted, humor-filled conversational style of your writing. You wove in some backstory of pain and tension of both Richard and Laura and made us feel that it really was love at first sight. Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellent writing. That combined with being error free as well as entertaining begets six stars.
A novel approach, introducing Jesus into everyday relations. Good thinking.
Good luck in the contest. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2022
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Excellent writing. That combined with being error free as well as entertaining begets six stars.
A novel approach, introducing Jesus into everyday relations. Good thinking.
Good luck in the contest. Best wishes.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2022
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Thank you so much for your wonderful assessment of my story. I think careful proofreading is a key point in keeping a reader engaged and not distracted by errors.
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Agree totally.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Now I'm torn betwixt a and b. This is an excelllent story and you painted a picture to do it justice in words. Best of luck. I'd best re-read the other entry and the last before selecting one of the three.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2022
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Now I'm torn betwixt a and b. This is an excelllent story and you painted a picture to do it justice in words. Best of luck. I'd best re-read the other entry and the last before selecting one of the three.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2022
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I reckon the wait for me story deviates from the contest prompt which was to write about the first time they met.... that one turns into an emotional story of loss, covering a lifetime.
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u got mine
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Thank you!
