Jesus at the Squash Club
The idea of perfection. (800 words)17 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Love At First Sight writing prompt contest. You followed the contest rules well, as far as I can tell. It's very romantic.
Laura and Richard seem made for each other. And Fuji too.
Nice story in its entirety and compelling in structure. The telling flows well. Good luck in the contest.
Laura and Lester
Richard
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Excellent entry for the Love At First Sight writing prompt contest. You followed the contest rules well, as far as I can tell. It's very romantic.
Laura and Richard seem made for each other. And Fuji too.
Nice story in its entirety and compelling in structure. The telling flows well. Good luck in the contest.
Laura and Lester
Richard
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
Comment from royowen
I don't really believe in love at first sight, that's a complexity way beyond attraction, but I do believe in mutual attraction, love is the sort of thing Jesus has/had for all, but this is a lovely story, mismatched marriages seem to be common place. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
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I don't really believe in love at first sight, that's a complexity way beyond attraction, but I do believe in mutual attraction, love is the sort of thing Jesus has/had for all, but this is a lovely story, mismatched marriages seem to be common place. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
Comment from BLACKTITANIUM86
Wow!!! This is an incredibly perfect 800 word
write. And you happen to hit it dead on the nail!
Nevertheless, the story was very powerful. With
no lack of creativity. And that's hot!!! Keep Writing.
And don't forget to stop by, to talk to me. Stay Connected
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Wow!!! This is an incredibly perfect 800 word
write. And you happen to hit it dead on the nail!
Nevertheless, the story was very powerful. With
no lack of creativity. And that's hot!!! Keep Writing.
And don't forget to stop by, to talk to me. Stay Connected
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
Comment from MissMerri
I can't imagine a better response to this prompt. The story had all the right ingredients and was so neatly told in clear uncomplicated language. I enjoyed reading this.
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I can't imagine a better response to this prompt. The story had all the right ingredients and was so neatly told in clear uncomplicated language. I enjoyed reading this.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
Comment from Earl Corp
This is a vey nice entry into the Love at first sight contest. I've actually been to Mount Fuji. Good luck in the contest Very nice job. stay safe and stay healthy.
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This is a vey nice entry into the Love at first sight contest. I've actually been to Mount Fuji. Good luck in the contest Very nice job. stay safe and stay healthy.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a wonderfully written piece. I have made an astonishing discovery. Clunky adverbs (that I have always been told to avoid like the plague) generate supreme romance in writing. I'm off to read it again, to savour it.
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reply by the author on 09-Feb-2022
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This is a wonderfully written piece. I have made an astonishing discovery. Clunky adverbs (that I have always been told to avoid like the plague) generate supreme romance in writing. I'm off to read it again, to savour it.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2022
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I'm delighted you enjoyed my story. Could you give me an example of what you consider are clunky adverbs, please?
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I am not the expert, but I was told the word ending in -ly that accompanies the verb. As I understand things, from studying my own writing that used to be peppered with these demons, in other contexts they detract from the verb, making a clanger as they draw all the attention to themselves. But yours enhance the action charmingly (adverb-delete!)
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I was never told to ditch adverbs. I think they are necessary sometimes to enhance the verb with more meaning, to explain the action better.
Comment from Jay Squires
Well, this is the most compelling "Love at first sight" story I've read so far. You have a strong "handle" on the romance genre, and I wouldn't be surprised if this didn't leave you standing at the podium with the laurels. This could easily be the first chapter in a very satisfying novel.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2022
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Well, this is the most compelling "Love at first sight" story I've read so far. You have a strong "handle" on the romance genre, and I wouldn't be surprised if this didn't leave you standing at the podium with the laurels. This could easily be the first chapter in a very satisfying novel.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2022
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Thanks for your encouraging review. I don't think I have it in me to write a prolonged romantic fiction. Just covering one day was mushy enough, haha.
