Cell Number 273
A visit to the historic prison. (350 words)16 total reviews
Comment from Michele Harber
This started out reading as your typical ghost story, and you knew, when the three walked off, that they'd encounter something ghostly. However, by making the ghost likely the relative of one of the friends, and thereby explaining Benson's reluctance to visit the prison, you gave it a nice little twist that differentiated your story a bit from others in the same genre.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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This started out reading as your typical ghost story, and you knew, when the three walked off, that they'd encounter something ghostly. However, by making the ghost likely the relative of one of the friends, and thereby explaining Benson's reluctance to visit the prison, you gave it a nice little twist that differentiated your story a bit from others in the same genre.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2022
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I didn't want it to be horror or ghost story.... discovered there are subtleties in detail while writing it.
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Details can make or break a story, and you use them well.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
To have your spirit broken and stuck in that terrible place would be a persons worst nightmare. Times were cruel back then, still are the same today in some countries. This was a really excellent contest entry. Well done and good luck! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2022
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To have your spirit broken and stuck in that terrible place would be a persons worst nightmare. Times were cruel back then, still are the same today in some countries. This was a really excellent contest entry. Well done and good luck! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 16-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2022
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Forgive my late response - I am very grateful for your review.
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
What a frightful experience. I think we would have jumped, too. There is always something about someone passing away in an area where we have bad experiences.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2022
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What a frightful experience. I think we would have jumped, too. There is always something about someone passing away in an area where we have bad experiences.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2022
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Forgive my late response - I am very grateful for your review.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is an excellent piece of writing for the supernatural prompt. The emphasis on different viewpoints is spot-on, and the attitudes expressed are believable.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2022
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This is an excellent piece of writing for the supernatural prompt. The emphasis on different viewpoints is spot-on, and the attitudes expressed are believable.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2022
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Forgive my late response - I am very grateful for your review.
Comment from jessizero
I enjoyed this, even though it scared me a little. Congratulations on a story well done. I also appreciated your author's note. Thanks for sharing this story.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2022
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I enjoyed this, even though it scared me a little. Congratulations on a story well done. I also appreciated your author's note. Thanks for sharing this story.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2022
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Forgive my late response - I am very grateful for your review.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Excellent entry for the Supernatural Fiction writing prompt contest.
Interesting story about the imprisoned great great grandfather. It was a very unjust and sad tale.
Well done! Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
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Excellent entry for the Supernatural Fiction writing prompt contest.
Interesting story about the imprisoned great great grandfather. It was a very unjust and sad tale.
Well done! Good luck in the contest.
Gypsy
Comment Written 15-Feb-2022
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, so that's why Benson was quiet and didn't say anything. It wasn't clear that he was Angela's boyfriend until after we see Angela clinging to him. That's good that Zac, Jimmy, and Tracy who were dancing before got a lesson about not disrespecting spirits who suffered. I think the story is well told but there could have been a few less characters for this length of story.
Best wishes in the contest!
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Oh, so that's why Benson was quiet and didn't say anything. It wasn't clear that he was Angela's boyfriend until after we see Angela clinging to him. That's good that Zac, Jimmy, and Tracy who were dancing before got a lesson about not disrespecting spirits who suffered. I think the story is well told but there could have been a few less characters for this length of story.
Best wishes in the contest!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2022
Comment from LJbutterfly
I knew this story would be creepy when I saw you creatively selected a night tour of a historic jail as the setting. The story progressed smoothly, identifying the characters, including dialogue, and building in suspense. Best wishes in the contest.
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I knew this story would be creepy when I saw you creatively selected a night tour of a historic jail as the setting. The story progressed smoothly, identifying the characters, including dialogue, and building in suspense. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2022
Comment from robyn corum
LisaMay,
Oh, wow. Weird that Benson would want to go to the same hail where his ancestor died. Yuck! But this story was extremely well-told. I adored, ADORED some of the verbiage you used to bring this story to life. The piece flowed from the opening word to the final line. This was awesome work! I mean, even better than usual! Good luck!
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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LisaMay,
Oh, wow. Weird that Benson would want to go to the same hail where his ancestor died. Yuck! But this story was extremely well-told. I adored, ADORED some of the verbiage you used to bring this story to life. The piece flowed from the opening word to the final line. This was awesome work! I mean, even better than usual! Good luck!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Thanks for your super review. I feel privileged to score a 6!
Benson went to the prison reluctantly, only agreeing to go because his girlfriend wanted him to.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well written. Good work.
a knowledgeable older man, who delivered - comma not needed
Through being wrongfully imprisoned, - 'though'?
Best wishes and good luck.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Well written. Good work.
a knowledgeable older man, who delivered - comma not needed
Through being wrongfully imprisoned, - 'though'?
Best wishes and good luck.
Comment Written 14-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2022
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Thanks for your feedback, Wayne. I felt that sentence needed a comma break as it was rather long without a breath otherwise.
'Through' is what I intended in this context. His spirit was broken because of being imprisoned.
